Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.
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Last night the evening got away from me faster than Suri Cruise will run from her nutjob parents when she’s 18. I had initially decided I couldn’t make the Happy Hour in Adam’s Morgan. But, I ended up stopping by and saw the usual suspects. What I didn’t count on was that one of the […]
We’ve had some serious progress over here in Velvet World the last few days. Regarding the piece of shit doctor, we filed complaints with the Virginia Medical Board and HHS for HIPAA violations. I cannot wait until he gets those notices. X and I had a busy 38 hours between Friday at 7 a.m. and […]
August 4, 2007 It took the ex-Boss two and a half weeks to text again. I figured he was chickening out and I started to lose hope. I wasn’t going to text first, that just isn’t my style. I prefer to sit and wait instead of hunt and kill. Besides, truth be told, I had […]
May – July 2007 I chronicled my cross-country trip on another blog which has since been deleted. It was the summer of getting my head on straight and deciding to be a grown up. I’m not going to lie to you. I had a pretty bad emotional breakdown. I’m not going to lie to you […]
Jan – April 2007 Over the holidays, Sherlock and I had broken up. In mid-January, I thought he finally had his head screwed on straight (never) and gave it another go. Ultimately, I did what women do – I choose the least of the evils. Sherlock was a decent guy when he tried to be, […]
2006 By the end of 2005 I had burned through my supply of men to date so I had to get resourceful in locating more. I was feeding blog fodder and it was quite hilarious – at the time…you know…before people got murdered for answering ads off Craigslist. For me, 2006 goes down as the […]
2005 January marked the last month of my Boss as my Boss at the old company. He gave his notice and left. The day he left, the sadness was palpable throughout the office. A lot of people saw him as the savior, the one who was going to rescue everything and everyone, and let me […]
2003: September – December My interview was at 8 a.m. on a nice fall day in September. I’m not very good in the morning. I think I was late. The receptionist had me fill out an application and then wait in the conference room. The man I spoke with on the phone walked in and […]
Might I restate for the record: I do not like leaving the house. It isn’t personal, it’s just that bad things happen when I leave my house. See, but then your lover calls you and he wants to actually, gasp, leave the house this weekend (how dare you!?!) and next thing you know, you’re walking […]
I went to visit that little troublemaker, Sixes and Sevens, in Pennsyltuckey this weekend. A pre-departure text I sent said, “What should I pack?” Sixes and Sevens said we would be doing a lot of shopping, and one of the items on her list to buy was a couch. Buying a couch for Sixes and […]
It’s all about my friends this week. If you haven’t heard, one of my dearest friends has hung up the blogging hat. If you don’t know FreckledK, then I’ll tell you who she is. She’s the woman who will walk up to the head to toe tattooed tough girl at a gritty bar and say, […]
I have to take a break from the oh so riveting posts about interviewing to bring you a special announcement. I have chosen this public forum to tell Sixes and Sevens something she doesn’t know. Sixes and Sevens officially ruined another hot, perfectly heterosexual man. Do you remember Hot Neighbor? The one who spewed his […]
Okay okay, some of you asked about the interviewing. It’s no secret I’m in real estate. Sadly, my beloved homebuilding company folded like a house of cards would if someone excavated and built it under Oprah’s ass. It’s okay though, because I got a really nice severance package. Cough. And then some. Cough cough. Anyway, […]
Ten years ago tonight I made one of those seemingly insignificant decisions that changed my entire life. I had gone out to dinner with my parents and godparents in New York City. When we returned to our house, I stood at the foot of the stairs, trying to decide if I should go to bed […]
Welcome back to Tool Time everyone. Tim and Al can’t be your hosts today, so you will have to settle for myself, six lovely co-hosts and a special guest star. Cast of Characters: FreckledK, a.k.a. “Houdini” – Pulls guys out of her hat like a magician doing a rabbit trick. Suicide Blonde, a.k.a. “URL Junkie” […]
The beaches in Athens are rocky and filled with cigarette butts. It’s a widely known fact, but this was just a temporary stay on the beach before we boarded a ship. We ran out of things to do in about 4 minutes. My brother took to calling me Blackie, for my ability to walk outside […]
You know, everyone jokes around when they are on vacation and the crazy friend joins them in the debauchery. But seriously, if I had known that this weekend, only half way over, was going to be like this, I would have rested up…or something. The magnitude of our first night out at Roosters was somehow […]
I ran several errands in Phoenix this week and quickly noticed I was being gawked at. I decided to see if any of the 8th grade dropouts with 4 chins and beer bellies Cyrano de Bergeracked a Craigslist Missed Connection for me. Sure, DC has its share of crazies on Craigslist, but the Phoenix peeps […]
I had dinner tonight with Giggles, The King of the Dog Park and Sixes and Sevens. Giggles was sent away for work, so it was a catch up dinner of sorts. Sixes and Sevens, holding up her beverage and looking at me: Mazel Tov! We were toasting to my aforementioned good news. No, not engaged. […]
Ongoing: If you can help Barkley find a home, click here for more info. It’s another busy ass week for me. Jesus. I was in a meeting out of the office today and have another one in another office tomorrow. No internet! How will I survive? I’m painfully behind in my online endeavors. After I […]
So I’m back to my online tricks to force myself out into the dating world. Don’t ask what site(s) because it has been a difficult mess in which to wade. Frankly, UNLIKE LAST TIME, I don’t want someone spying out my profile, right clicking and saving my pictures and emailing them to everyone they know […]
It’s a New Year. When I did the 2006 recap, and read over the last several months of the year, it was like living it again through different eyes. Toward the end of the summer, I lost my anonymity and had a “too close for comfort” situation of readers on my blog – a convoluted […]
I drank again last night. Sixes and Sevens is a bad influence. My night started off relatively healthy. I went to the gym, ran 3.4 miles on a 3% incline, came home and hopped in the shower. Then I got a text that said, “Wine? Champagne?” Damn you evil temptress. I was doing so well! […]
Two friends asked me this weekend if I would post their respective, current plights on my blog seeking your expert, non-biased opinions. This works out well for me considering that my own weekend passed in such a drunken (cough, among other things, cough) haze that I don’t really recall any material of my own. Though, […]
This one is long, but by far the best of the rest, and I wanted to tie it up and not have to go to a part 5! On December 2, another surprise walks in the door – Opies predecessor and Ms. Rights old boss, the ex-Controller. He was the one who quit and they […]
The Queen of Quantity said I was on fire last week. I’d been shooting off one liners faster than Dane Cook would have on the Titanic. I’d share, but, for them to make any sense, I would have to trot a long way in background for the punchline. It’s too hard. Just know that I’ve […]
An artist never really finishes his work; He merely abandons it. ~ Paul Valery Dear Blog: I love everything about you. You have been here for me for the last 18 months. They haven’t all been good times, but I’ve learned a lot and I have you to thank for that…I guess. I mean, I […]
Eighteen missed calls. Let me say it again. Eighteen missed calls. I went to the gym and left my phone at home. When I returned home after two hours, there were EIGHTEEN MISSED CALLS on my FUCKING phone! You know who it was, don’t pretend you don’t! I called back, got voicemail and said, “Are […]
All right. I’m getting emails from you guys asking if I’m okay. Thanks. Yep, I’m okay. A month ago I had posted that life was knocking me around in many areas and I needed to take a blogging break. I guess that more of the same is happening right now. Though, a month ago, they […]
Friday afternoon, I was driving out in search of lunch. I got a wild hair up my ass, and a bout of strength, and I called Sherlock. I got voicemail. I left a message that said, “Hey. I’m pretty unsure what we discussed last night, but I know it wasn’t good. Anyway, I have your […]
Well, if you are reading then you have the password. I’m expecting significantly fewer people to be reading in general now than in days past. Frankly, there is something just so damn comforting about that to me. I might take the password protection off at some point, but, for now it’s just better this way. […]
Before I dish, make sure you see the post about the Dupont House Tour if you are interested. Well, it was a weekend of drunken and sexual debauchery. And frankly, I would like to order another. Monday shouldn’t be here. It should be Friday. Because, if it was Friday again, the following would happen all […]
Just a random post about my yesterday. My boss brought his two kids in to work. They spent the day playing a video game online. When I popped my head in to say bye, I asked him if the video game was accessed online or if it was running off a disc. Let’s switch to […]
Nothing like a Velvet heartbreak to bust my hits through the roof. I broke previous records by 200 more visits, and it makes me wonder about you newbies…coming for the drama! Though I’d trade them for all of this to just go away. Anyway, I’m coping. And in the spirit of coping, I have to […]
People. I love you. I know that you come here for dating, good, bad and otherwise. And yet, I have entertained you from atop this soapbox, bitching about D.C. and my favorite topic, the cops. Wonkette got me again, thanks to them for the linkage. But, tonight, you shall get what the original Velvet was […]
I had originally written the following over the course of the past couple months. I added to it here and there as things struck me. However, this morning, I came into work to find out that the layoffs of last month were “just the beginning.” The homebuilding industry continues to suffer because of the stupidity […]
First things first. The fuckers at It’s Just Lunch called back at a hair before 5 on Friday. They said I was “placed on hold,” and usually there is a letter in the file indicating that the client received a copy of said letter outlining the ‘hold terms.’ However, surprise, that letter is nonexistent, and […]
A couple quick things first. 1) I’m still in touch with the Police. The Sarge, who I now love, said she is having trouble locating exactly who was driving that car. The car is coming up as one of theirs, but she said it could be her station or another station. I told her the […]
Most of the time, I have a thought, usually when I’m driving. Sometimes when I’m in the shower, and rarely, but on occasion, just as I’m falling asleep at night. See a pattern? All places where I’m not distracted by anything else and my mind can clear. Also places where it’s totally inconvenient to write […]
I’ve heard it hundreds of times from the girls. Dating a man in his 20’s is drastically different than dating a man in his 30’s. How many of us on the “other side” of 30 have said, “This just keeps getting harder.” Yup. I don’t think we were wrong. I’ve given this a lot of […]
So this weekend I had a dream that all in the same day, I walked my dogs with Nicole Kidman, ate lunch with Jennifer Lopez and went to the dry cleaners with Jenna Jameson. La Kidman loved Sammy and Thora, I told J. Lo that she’s much nicer now that Marc Anthony straightened her out […]
I think my last post reached an all time comment high for me. Thanks again to everyone for the warm welcome back. Ok. Let’s get to it. Tis’ the weekend of drunken debauchery. Friday night, I met up with Marci, Law-Rah, Ninja and Eternal Freshman to help the celebration of one Diet Coke of Evil’s […]
The reason updating has been so slow is twofold. 1) There’s not a lot going on in the life of Velvet. 2) I’m trying to move the blog off blogger to the www.velvetindupont.com domain. It’s coming soon, but still working out the kinks. Saturday night I went out with a new friend from the dog […]
I’m going to post a running review of my “friends” at It’s Just Lunch. I’ve had this in my Drafts for many months, but for other reasons that I can’t get into right now, I need to put this review up. Each time there’s a new date or more communication, I plan on appending this […]
Ok. I canceled on CL#2BlueEyes for Friday. I was beat and not in the mood to go out and be my charming self. We had an hour and a half of IM’ing though. Here are the best parts. Scenario 1: We have something crazy in common: Velvet: I am JAMMING over here to CMT radio. […]
Oh no. We’ve gone too far. His responses are italicized. I’ll guide you in parenthesis. ***************************************** (From AngryMan) Yes, I wear underwear. I think most guys do. I wear boxers or the boxer/brief combination. Hey, speaking of pictures, do you have any pictures you can send me? Diane sent me two, but I wanted to […]
Perhaps my commute is making me angry. Maybe it’s because I spent a delightful night with the devilish CrazyGirl and she got me fired up. Or maybe it’s because my last Craigslister is a flake – see post below this one. But, today’s emails have yielded this batch of fun. AngryMan: you’re a fucking idiot […]
I must have a little spring in my step because all of a sudden, everyone is on my ass. Hey! You in the back! Stop giggling! These things have happened to me in the last three days. Inappropriate Ask-Out Situation #1: The Painter A painter working in my building asked me if I needed any […]
The Date Update. CL#4NewJersey called me yesterday afternoon as I was in the middle of refinancing my condo so I could pay for my purchases at Target. (“I just need to pick up one thing.”) So I told him I would call him back when I got back into D.C. He said he wanted to […]
But first, two tidbits for you all. 1) Picture it. Tonight. Velvet walking dogs through the zone of bars, hopping with people drinking on patios. Velvet in sweatpants. Hair in ponytail. Rain making hair frizzy. Velvet sees the Bartender. Bartender looks very hot. Nice. Could I have looked any worse? 2) Velvet got a text […]
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