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Do the Chairs in Your Parlor Seem Empty and Bare?

X and I took Number 1 and Number 2 out to the beach this weekend. Never ones to let teenage kids get in the way of our planned activities, X and I really redefined good-parenting when we took the kids to a bar. “Zzzlong as the youngins keep four feet from the bar, I reckon [...]

You’ve Done Your Sowing, Now You Can Do Your Reaping, Maybe You Should Have Thought About That When You Were Cheatin’

Some poor schmuck was standing on an intersection at Tyson’s today, holding this sign:

“I Cheated. This is my Punishment.”
Well played to the girlfriend. Very well played.
Only when you know the pain caused by cheating will you cease to ever do it again. I broke a heart when I cheated, and so I never did it [...]

Keep Your Hands to Yourself

While I may not have newspaper clippings to show you, I did have a strange weekend. Though I would like to do it all over again and this time do less something and more nothing.
I kicked off the weekend by stopping by my favorite waxer. Cube has the best ticket in town on this by [...]

I Read the News Today Oh Boy Part 3

X and I are running through the last weekends of our summer by going to the beach as much as possible. I do love that newspaper so much. When I wake up around 9:30, and X is returning home with bagels and the Cape Gazette, I’m giddy with excitement. Because I know, inside that cover, [...]

Love, Look What You’ve Done to Me

Dear Lauren:
He and I walked down T Street toward each other, and both turned the same way heading north toward U Street. He was holding a bottle of wine and had a very heavy looking backpack strapped on him. I was right behind him until he veered off toward his apartment. He was obviously in [...]

Two Years

Dear X:
Two years ago from tonight was when we first turned the corner. Because we knew each other for so long prior to that fateful texting “conversation,” it seems like much longer than two years. I suppose you feel the same, as evidenced by your statement this morning, “I celebrate more than two years with [...]

You’re the Sun Who Makes Me Shine

Earlier:
X: I forgot to tell you! I had a dream about you last night!
V: Really? Was it about how you and #2 took my car to the car wash one afternoon and I stayed home and masturbated?
X: No. It was about…wait… Did you just do that while I was out washing your car?
V: Yes.
X: We [...]

I Couldn’t Care About Anything But You

As expected, X and I were at the beach this past weekend. We were sitting at a bar when the news of Steve McNair came out. All the first news clip said was “found shot alongside a woman.” I said to X, chick killed him, then killed herself. Typical. Couldn’t get what she wanted so [...]

Higher Than a Kite, I Know I’m Getting Hooked On Your Love

X and I stayed in town this weekend. I wanted to begin the much awaited consolidation of households. This will be a long, slow, painful process if I don’t start really making headway, and fast. So in town we stayed and while I didn’t pack one single box, I do feel as though I did [...]

I Read the News Today Oh Boy Part 2

It’s your favorite! Time to rip apart the local yocal beach paper from Delaware. It was a little harder this time to get the images off their website. X is convinced they are on to me. But I prevailed! I used a scanner! In some pictures I even underlined the parts of the items in [...]

I Wanna Take a Ride on Your Disco Stick

X and I had a great time in New York. We managed to escape each place containing my family just prior to an implosion. Because X and my parents rise before the roosters, there were several hours on Saturday and Sunday  morning where he was alone with them. Scary. Though, he did well.
I should probably [...]

I’m Taking a Greyhound on the Hudson River Line

Back to regularly scheduled programming.
X and I are going to New York this weekend. My brother and his family are in town and we’re meeting up with them at our designated place and time on their highly selective secret schedule. Since the beginning of time, my brother has this way of putting his family dead-last. [...]

Part 20: Finale; I Won’t Go, I Won’t Sleep, I Can’t Breathe, Until You’re Resting Here With Me

It’s the end but it’s not the end. This is the last piece of the story, but the story keeps going, and yes, the blog keeps going. Shutting down hasn’t occurred to me, at least not yet.  And I don’t have a big engagement ring picture to show you. While that would be a happy [...]

Part 19: Oh I Am What I Am, I’ll Do What I Want, But I Can’t Hide

September 2008 - February 2009

September would be the witching hour for this divorce. The conversations between X and the hopefully soon to be ex Mrs. X were in full force. She was on the emotional roller coaster from hell and dragging everyone down with her. Seriously. Sometimes I wished she knew about me so I [...]

Part 18: I Don’t Want to Move a Thing, It Might Change My Memory

2008: June - September

It might seem like telling about the fighting is personal, almost too personal. But I want to tell the whole story. It’s not always roses and lollipops, even when the love is the deepest and most lasting of any love of your life. And it’s important, for me anyway, to convey that [...]

Part 17: I Didn’t Hear You Leave, I Wonder How Am I Still Here

2008: May
As we approached summer our relationship was moving forward by its actions, but there were some ridiculous administrative details in a holding pattern. We had two elephants in the room:
1) Despite the months of banter on the subject, X couldn’t say he loved me. This on its own isn’t bothersome because as he said [...]

Part 16: So Much Love to Make Up Everywhere You Turn

2008: January - April
During December, ex-boss and I got seemingly more involved with each other by way of some really deep conversations, but at the turn of the new year, I think I shook myself awake, literally. I just realized that maybe this wasn’t going to pan out the way I had thought and I [...]

Part 15: Look Around You Now, You Must Go For What You Wanted

2007: August - December
We were still laying in bed at 3 a.m. when I rolled over and said, “That’s funny, I’m usually gone by now.” He found that particularly amusing. It was just the truth. I’m not very good about staying around. I like to use the dogs as an excuse to go back to [...]

Part 14: So Much Water Moving Underneath the Bridge, Let the Water Come and Carry Us Away

August 4, 2007
It took the ex-Boss two and a half weeks to text again. I figured he was chickening out and I started to lose hope. I wasn’t going to text first, that just isn’t my style. I prefer to sit and wait instead of hunt and kill. Besides, truth be told, I had done [...]

Part 13: So Much Time to Make Up Everywhere You Turn, Time We Have Wasted on the Way

July 17th, 2007
He answered at 10:30 p.m. Obviously I don’t recall the exact back and forth but I’ll try to recreate it as closely as it played out.
Ex Boss: Where did you hear that?
V: M from the Baltimore office said that’s what people have been saying.
Ex Boss: I haven’t heard that.
V: Well I doubted people [...]

Part 12: She Said “I Need You to Hold Me, I’m a Little Far From the Shore and I’m Afraid of Sinking”

May - July 2007
I chronicled my cross-country trip on another blog which has since been deleted. It was the summer of getting my head on straight and deciding to be a grown up. I’m not going to lie to you. I had a pretty bad emotional breakdown. I’m not going to lie to you again. [...]

Part 11: She Said, “I Feel Stranded, and I Can’t Tell Anymore If I’m Coming or I’m Going”

Jan - April 2007
Over the holidays, Sherlock and I had broken up. In mid-January, I thought he finally had his head screwed on straight (never) and gave it another go. Ultimately, I did what women do - I choose the least of the evils. Sherlock was a decent guy when he tried to be, and [...]

Part 10: Part of Me Says Let it Go, Everything Must Have a Season

2006
By the end of 2005 I had burned through my supply of men to date so I had to get resourceful in locating more. I was feeding blog fodder and it was quite hilarious - at the time…you know…before people got murdered for answering ads off Craigslist. For me, 2006 goes down as the year [...]

Part 9: You’re the Only One Who Knows Me, and Who Doesn’t Ignore That My Soul is Weeping

2005
January marked the last month of my Boss as my Boss at the old company. He gave his notice and left. The day he left, the sadness was palpable throughout the office. A lot of people saw him as the savior, the one who was going to rescue everything and everyone, and let me tell [...]

Part 8: You Know I Can’t See Through the Haze Around Me, And I Do Anything To Just Feel Better

2004: May - December
Now that I had Thora, I was officially ready to move on with my life. I was still dating the Baltimore Rockstar but it was winding down. The Rockstar and I ended things in the end of May and I moved on to the Metro.
In other 2004 relationship news, my Boss and [...]

Part 7: Will it Make it Easier on You Now You Got Someone to Blame

2004: Jan - April

I spent the entire year finding myself. I had been with K for so long that dating again was sort of ridiculous. I had no idea what I would want in someone. I met the Baltimore Rockstar, a Dave Grohl lookalike who I had a pretty nice rebound relationship with for several [...]

Part 6: I Can’t Be Holding On to What You Got, When All You Got is Hurt

2003: September - December
My interview was at 8 a.m. on a nice fall day in September. I’m not very good in the morning. I think I was late. The receptionist had me fill out an application and then wait in the conference room.
The man I spoke with on the phone walked in and I was [...]

Part 5:You Ask Me To Enter, Then You Make Me Crawl

2003: May - September
I had one residual MBA class on Saturdays that would finish in the end of June. I had essentially dismantled my life, and Sammy suffered dearly for it. He went from having Thora and K, to being alone for most of 16 months while I was in school and working. So, I [...]

Part 4: Love is a Temple, Love - a Higher Law

2003: January - May
School proved to be an ass kicker. I was really plugging along though, adding the A’s to my prized collection. Work was work. The Developer was a dipshit. But knowing that someone is a sneak and a thief is much better than not knowing. I can combat almost anything with humor. Someone [...]

Part 3: We’re One But We’re Not the Same

2002
Starting grad school and a brand new job on the same day was probably a very dumb idea in hindsight. Couple that with a budding inclination toward involuntary anxiety attacks and the demise of a relationship I thought would last forever, and well, 2002 goes down as probably the worst year of my life. I [...]

Part 2: Well It’s Too Late, Tonight, To Drag the Past Out Into the Light

2001
I met K when I was 24, in December, 1997. We instantly fell in love and even though he lived in Atlanta, I packed up my crap and left the city that never sleeps for Dixie.
K and I celebrated our four year anniversary by breaking up. Well, this was the first iteration of that plan, [...]

Part 1: I’ve Been Sitting Here Trying to Find Myself, I Get Behind Myself, I Need to Rewind Myself

And so it begins.
I feel like the Velvet / Mr. X love story is somewhat hackneyed. Velvet was a tell-all blog for so many years, then, much like any normal person would, I became secretive and only put out bits and pieces because what was going on in my personal life was so, well, personal. [...]

And Then (We’ll) Settle Down, There’s a Quiet Little Town, And Forget About Everything

The Love of My Life and the two furry loves of my life went to the beach this weekend. (Do I have to clarify that I mean Sammy and Thora? Because I know how your minds might think that two furry loves of my life are, well, something else.) In case you missed it, this [...]

Women Seeking Men; Murderers Need Not Apply

I know several people who found their spouses from Craigslist. I know people who found furniture from Craigslist. I know a lady who found and bought my Harley off the ad I placed on Craigslist. I know people who found apartments, cars, bikes from Craigslist. You see where this is going, right?
It was only a [...]

The Fire in Your Eyes Keeps Me Alive

We spent a rare but much needed weekend in town. Being that we’re Greek, Mr. X and I had plans for Sunday which was our Easter. I love that the Orthodox Easter (or as I call it, “Greek Easter”) happens after regular Easter because all the candy at CVS is half price already. Win! Anyway, [...]

I Have More Than What I Wanted, But I Wish That I Had Started Long Before I Did

I knew Mr. X a long time before we met. In my heart, I always knew that. It’s a spin on the old cliche, “When you know, you just know.”
When I was five I had my first in a series of celebrity crushes.  I cycled through all the celebrity crushes the other day and tried [...]

I Read the News Today Oh Boy

I’m not sure whose stupid idea it was to not get cable (mine) but the beach house of one Velvet and Mr. X hurts for some quality entertainment. Wait. That implies there’s no sex. That’s not true. We don’t hurt for x-rated entertainment of the self-made variety. But once that’s done, we’re relegated to our [...]

Been Around the World

Mr. X and I took a whirlwind trip through Europe this weekend! Be jealous. Well. Sort of. We did it without airplanes. We did it without leaving the confines of the beltway. Sort of.
Italy: Saturday Morning
I finally got to cross off something on my to-do list. It is a rare moment when I find something [...]

D.C. Cops Suck Ass Part 11: I Swear Chief, It’s Not Cocaine All Over My Face!!

It’s no secret that we’re suffering a bit of a crime wave here in the city. In addition to the dramatic rise in car breakins in Dupont, we now have a Spiderman-Burglar on the loose. The criminal(s) have been getting on to rooftops and breaking in by climbing through roof access or skylights.
A couple weeks [...]

Money For Nothing and Chicks For Free

Mr. X has an ex (the ex-Mrs. X) who is, how shall I put this nicely. Um. Batshit crazy, frighteningly angry and certifiably insane. Yeah. That sums it up. When hearing stories about her, I find it funny to climb to the top of my pedestal and make fun of her. It’s so easy to [...]

Eyes That Shine Burning Red

Oh D.C. You are so predictable. If there’s anything I can count on you kids for, it’s consistency. I can practically write your very own personal ad. “Enjoys voting for Democrats, jumping on bandwagons and getting “bailed out.” I noticed a new little habit of yours though. “Also enjoys running through Georgetown only when it’s [...]

Please Tell Me Why the Car is in the Front Yard and I’m Sleeping With My Clothes On

This past weekend was the Drunken Housewives of Connecticut Reunion part two, which required a drive through Tony Soprano-land. Crossing the George Washington Bridge which currently carries a totally absurd $8 toll, I wondered if I should apply for recessionary pricing. The tolls to Connecticut are a freaking killer. I now understand why no one [...]

When You Come Close to Selling Out, Reconsider

I really mean to update more than once a month. And, yes, thank you, things are better than they were than when I last posted.
Last week at work, my partner-in-secret-but-plentiful-tattoos popped her head in my office to say, “Careful with Facebook. Our president is on there now.” I said, “Ohhhhh nooooooooo.” Our president is, oh, [...]

But Come the Wee Wee Hours, Maybe, Baby, The Gypsy Lied

I know. I’ve really sucked it for the last month. I promised and I left without delivering. I’ve been busy. Way busy. I have a lot of work and little concept of a recession outside the doors of my office. The blog even crashed on the server for a little while and I didn’t even [...]

And How Did YOU Celebrate the Birth of Baby Jesus?

Obviously, I have become the major suckage at posting. I can’t even promise to try to be better. I don’t wanna.  While blogging in general will never jump the shark, my own blog experience has probably lamed itself out so much so that it’s like one of those feeder fish swimming along the shark that [...]

Stuck On a Rollercoaster, Can’t Get Off This Ride

On the flip side, you just can’t pay for entertainment this good.
At the company “holiday party:”
“Let us bow our heads and pray.” Um. what? I looked around the room to the mostly bowed heads thinking, “Am I in a cult?” I looked to either side, flanked by two Jews and a Pakistani, myself mostly an [...]

Blow Out the Candle, I Will Burn Again Tomorrow

Well, it’s official. I tried to hold out. I tried to fake it. I tried to pretend it wasn’t happening. I tried to reason with people and explain that the things they do seriously impede my progress in achieving their goals. I emailed an outline for how to make minor corrections to change everything. No [...]

Slip of the Tongue

In more shopping news, Mr. X and I hit the “As Seen on TV” store in the always-deserted Georgetown Park Mall. If there is one two things you can count on in DC, it’s that tourists will always fuck up your day and if you go shopping in the Georgetown Park Mall, you will most [...]

Cold November Rain

And so it begins. Every Christmas it never fails that I end up shopping mostly for myself. This year, I’m afraid, will be no different. The bargains are just too amazing to pass up. Oh. Ended a sentence with a preposition. Sorry. Trying again: The bargains are just too amazing to pass up, bitches.
There. Better, [...]

My Best Friend Said You’re the Best Lick in Town

If there is even the remotest possibility that as an adult, you may become a teacher at a very hoity-toity Connecticut private school where the famous of the famous send their children for a high quality education, you might want to consider not starring in your own personal rendition of the Great American Strip Off, [...]