Velvet in Dupont » The Office

Archive for the 'The Office' Category

I Know What I’m Needing And I Don’t Want To Waste More Time

I really thought that with being laid off I would have a lot more time on my hands to do the things I love - sleep, write, run, see X. Unfortunately, none of those dreams have come to fruition.
My knee is all jacked up so there’s no running in my near future. Crap. And I’ve [...]


I hated it from day one.
And today was day, um, I don’t know 600?
The day I got laid off. Ha! Top that!

Burn Out the Day, Burn Out the Night

True story.
Phone Call to X, today, 1:14 p.m.
X: Yellllllo?
V: Baby! What’s the best thing that could happen to me?
X: We got married.
V: NO!
X: You’re pregnant!
V: NO! Come on! A little less about “you” and a little more about “me!”
X: Napoleon got fired.
V: No….
X: Betty Ford got fired.
V: No…..
X: I don’t know.
V: Think more globally.
X: Um….
[answer [...]

There’s the Door, What’re You Waiting For?

Dear Lily:
Since your doctor decided to schedule you for a C-Section this Friday, and you aren’t coming back to work, here’s what you have missed.
Your “boss,” Bipolar Betty, sent the entire company an email that had links to some articles that were supposed to encourage us to contribute to the 401K. When I clicked the [...]

Still the Same

Attention deficit disordered post coming your way tonight.
Lily Update:
OMG OMG OMG. By some stroke of luck (or fate, since neither Lily nor I believe in “God”) she has a major lead on something that just might get her the hell out of the Vortex. I don’t want to say too much for fear of the [...]

You Were Quicker Than They Thought

This entire week has been a bit of a clusterfuck. I think I’ve spent more time on the phone with people discussing work than I’ve actually been at work. X really thinks I work at the inspiration for “The Office.”
It took a year and a half but I am fed up. And I’m on the [...]

The Trick You Said, Was Never Play the Game Too Long

Every time something noteworthy happens to me, I swear I’m going to sit down and put it into words. My life with X is so good. It is just so good. We have everything in place, all our plans lined up like neat little ducks, hovering delicately at that place of dropping the first domino. [...]

Eyes That Shine Burning Red

Oh D.C. You are so predictable. If there’s anything I can count on you kids for, it’s consistency. I can practically write your very own personal ad. “Enjoys voting for Democrats, jumping on bandwagons and getting “bailed out.” I noticed a new little habit of yours though. “Also enjoys running through Georgetown only when it’s [...]

When You Come Close to Selling Out, Reconsider

I really mean to update more than once a month. And, yes, thank you, things are better than they were than when I last posted.
Last week at work, my partner-in-secret-but-plentiful-tattoos popped her head in my office to say, “Careful with Facebook. Our president is on there now.” I said, “Ohhhhh nooooooooo.” Our president is, oh, [...]

Stuck On a Rollercoaster, Can’t Get Off This Ride

On the flip side, you just can’t pay for entertainment this good.
At the company “holiday party:”
“Let us bow our heads and pray.” Um. what? I looked around the room to the mostly bowed heads thinking, “Am I in a cult?” I looked to either side, flanked by two Jews and a Pakistani, myself mostly an [...]

Blow Out the Candle, I Will Burn Again Tomorrow

Well, it’s official. I tried to hold out. I tried to fake it. I tried to pretend it wasn’t happening. I tried to reason with people and explain that the things they do seriously impede my progress in achieving their goals. I emailed an outline for how to make minor corrections to change everything. No [...]

You Don’t Even Know What It Is That You’re Fighting For

Today I laughed and cried.
Driving to the Vortex and hearing the September 11th stories on NPR made me cry and cry and cry. It seems like longer than seven years. As I said to K this morning, time is a fascinating thing. Seven years ago, I still had two years left in a relationship, had several to [...]

Working Too Hard Can Give You a Heart Attack ack ack ack ack ack

I no longer know what to think about the Vortex. During the week I’m fine, I just plug along, call the stupid people stupid, and do my thing. But then Sunday comes and I’m misery with a side of suicidal at the thought of having to go back. So clearly, I’m kidding myself. The last [...]

Better Than I Was, More Than I Am, And All of This Happened By Taking Your Hand; Who I Am Now Is Who I Wanted to Be, And Now That We’re Together, I’m Stronger Than Ever

Right now I’m staring down the neck of a Corona that I anticipate to be the first in a series of several which I will ingest this evening. Why am I breaking my long-held rule of drinking during the week when I’m not off of work tomorrow?
Because an hour ago I got home from work [...]

This Race is for Rats

I understand that my work dramas have become a source of entertainment for you. I’ll have you know though, that I am currently shifting my mood to the darkside. Yes, I’ve decided that this place is just the right combination of hilarious and dysfunctional that it might be a place I can call…home.
Let’s review my [...]

I’m Goin’ Down Down Baby, Yo’ Street in a Range Rover

I can’t help myself. I’m not really sure if this is becoming a weekly thing, but the stuff that happens at work is just too hilarious to not share. And since Mondays are now the day I cry profusely in anticipation of five straight days at work, and Tuesdays are Sixes-Central, by Wednesday I’m ready [...]

Well Another Crazy Day, You’ll Drink the Night Away Part 2

Work continues to be nothing short of a disaster. Obviously it would be in my best interests to not discuss work, but I’ve already put my two alternatives on to the scales of justice:
Keeping my job and behaving on the blog vs. entertaining you with these priceless gems.
Your entertainment won. You’re welcome.
The Vortex, as my [...]

Well Another Crazy Day, You’ll Drink the Night Away

Well, against my better judgment, I’ve taken a job.
See, when your beloved (for more ways than one) place of employment goes bankrupt, and you burn through your severance, unemployment, and savings, it’s sort of time to go back to work even though you have no desire. It’s even worse when your lover is also unemployed [...]