Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

Month: October 2008

FINALLY THE TRUTH!

The title is a line from my favorite movie, Almost Famous.

Anyway, BJ sent me a link today, but I see that it’s made Yahoo’s Homepage, which means, in my world, it is offically news. I’ll edit with my comments, in italics.

Greenspan denies blame for crisis, admits ‘flaw’

WASHINGTON Badgered by lawmakers, former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan denied the nation’s economic crisis was his fault on Thursday but conceded the meltdown had revealed a flaw in a lifetime of economic thinking and left him in a “state of shocked disbelief.” Deny deny deny. Doesn’t change the truth. And why the fuck did it take so long for this to land on people’s radar?

Greenspan, who stepped down in 2006, called the banking and housing chaos a “once-in-a-century credit tsunami” that led to a breakdown in how the free market system functions. And he warned that things would get worse before they get better, with rising unemployment and no stabilization in housing prices for “many months.” No no buddy. This isn’t a once in a century tsunami. YOU are the once in a century tsunami. And your century is almost over. Please die.

Gloomy economic reports backed him up. New jobless claims soared to just under 500,000 for last week, and Goldman Sachs, Chrysler and Xerox all said they were cutting thousands more workers. On Wall Street, the Dow Jones industrials bounced erratically all day before finishing up 172 points after a two-day drop of nearly 750.

The financial crisis even prompted the Republican Greenspan, a staunch believer in free markets, to propose that government consider tougher regulations, including requiring financial firms that package mortgages into securities to keep a portion as a check on quality. If he was a staunch believer in free markets, hmm, why all the interest rate cuts? Why not let those “free markets” be free?

He said other regulatory changes should be considered, too, in such areas as fraud. Oh good. Let’s blame this on the banks. Yes, you had nothing to do with it.

Also looking for solutions, another banking regulator told Congress the government was working on a loan-guarantee plan that could help many homeowners escape foreclosure as part of the $700 billion bailout legislation. That plan is being discussed by the Treasury Department and the Federal Deposit Insurance Corp., said FDIC Chairman Sheila Bair, who is pushing the idea.

Greenspan’s interrogation by the House Oversight Committee was a far cry from his 18 1/2 years as Fed chairman, when he presided over the longest economic boom in the country’s history. He was viewed as a free-market icon on Wall Street and held in respect bordering on awe by most members of Congress. Well, most of Congress is fucking stupid then. Because if none of those bastards could see that by making the dollar cheaper and cheaper and cheaper that the free market was going to respond, in kind, by bringing the idea of get-rich-quick to predators, then all of Congress should be shot.

Not now. At an often contentious four-hour hearing, Greenspan, former Treasury Secretary John Snow and Securities and Exchange Commission Chairman Christopher Cox were repeatedly accused by Democrats on the committee of pursuing an anti-regulation agenda that set the stage for the biggest financial crisis in 70 years. It’s a little late Demmies. Maybe when all those people pulling down $30K a year were getting half million dollar houses, maybe you should have said something other than “Everyone deserves the American dream.” No. They don’t. Not if they can’t afford it.

“The list of regulatory mistakes and misjudgments is long,” panel chairman Henry Waxman declared.

Greenspan, 82, acknowledged under questioning that he had made a “mistake” in believing that banks, operating in their own self-interest, would do what was necessary to protect their shareholders and institutions. Greenspan called that “a flaw in the model … that defines how the world works.” No no no no no. All sarcasm aside, this is wrong. When you have the power to make a decision that has several hundred levels of execution of which you have no control over, you have a MORAL OBLIGATION to not set it into motion until you do your due diligence. Everyone knew the banks were really stretching it to give anyone and everyone a fucking loan. We all knew it when our newspaper delivery boy was buying a five bedroom house in Leesburg. Okay? EVERYONE KNEW. And it’s not EVERYONE’S job to protect the economy from destruction. It’s the people’s job who are in the decision making positions.

He acknowledged that he had also been wrong in rejecting fears that the five-year housing boom was turning into an unsustainable speculative bubble that could harm the economy when it burst. Greenspan maintained during that period that home prices were unlikely to post a significant decline nationally because housing was a local market. Well, housing WAS a local market. But banks are a national market. Seems like a contradiction to me.

He said Thursday that he held to that belief because until the current housing slump there had never been such a significant decline in prices nationwide. He said the current financial crisis had “turned out to be much broader than anything that I could have imagined.” Right, and this makes you an idiot. But more important than that, it makes everyone who hung on your every word an idiot as well. Because the world followed your every move like little lemmings, waiting for you to pronounce the word of God. And everyone was hanging on the financial equivalent of smoke in mirrors.

Greenspan’s much-anticipated appearance before the House panel came as the Senate Banking Committee held its own hearing on what the government is doing now to get out of the mess.

Assistant Treasury Secretary Neel Kashkari, who is overseeing the $700 billion financial rescue effort that passed Congress on Oct. 3, said the administration was not only working to get federal purchases of bank stock started quickly but also the program to mop up troubled mortgage-related assets. He also said the government was working to make sure that directives in the legislation to help struggling homeowners avoid foreclosure were being addressed.

Kashkari said the plan could include setting standards that banks should follow for reworking mortgages to make them more affordable. He said the administration was considering a recommendation to provide government loan guarantees to cover the reworked mortgages to make the program more attractive to banks. This isn’t fair, this isn’t fair and again, this isn’t fair.

“We are passionate about doing everything we can to avoid preventable foreclosures,” Kashkari told the committee. Stop fucking with the market people. Let them get foreclosed on. Let them file bankruptcy. And let the rest of us who saved our money scoop up houses at rock bottom prices so in 10 years, we can sell them for a windfall. There’s your free market economy boys.

The FDIC’s Bair told the same Senate panel that the government needs to do more to help tens of thousands of people avoid foreclosure.

She said the FDIC was working “closely and creatively” with the Treasury Department to come up with a plan.

Greenspan was asked to defend a variety of actions he took as Federal Reserve chairman resisting recommendations to use the Fed’s powers to crack down on subprime mortgages, for one. And opposing efforts to impose regulations on derivatives, the complex financial instruments that include credit default swaps, which have also figured prominently in the current crisis.

He said that outside of credit default swaps, the bulk of financial derivatives had not caused major problems. He said the boom in subprime lending occurred because of the huge demand for investment opportunities in a global economy, and he blamed the crash on a failure by investors to properly assess the risks from such mortgages, which went to borrowers with weak credit. The bulk of financial derivatives has not caused major problems? Have you ever heard of a domino effect?

As for firms that package mortgages into securities, he said, “As much as I would prefer it otherwise, in this financial environment I see no choice but to require that all securitizers retain a meaningful part of the securities they issue.”

On the billions of dollars of losses suffered by financial institutions because of their investments in subprime mortgages, Greenspan said he had been shocked by the failure of banking officials to protect their shareholders from their bad loan decisions.

“A critical pillar to market competition and free markets did break down,” Greenspan said. “I still do not fully understand why it happened.” The only reason all of this is happening is because people are greedy. And you can’t change the greedy, me me me feeling we have in the U.S. Everyone thinks they DESERVE a big house and nice cars and flat panel TV’s. If people did things like our grandparents, saved up before buying, this world would be much different than the one we have which lives on credit.

SEC Chairman Cox told the House panel that “somewhere in this terrible mess, laws were broken.” And Snow said that lawmakers should have responded more quickly to his pleas for stronger regulation for mortgage giants Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, which were taken over by the government last month.

In the meantime, Kashkari, the Treasury official overseeing the bailout program, said there has been much progress, resulting in “numerous signs of improvement in our markets and in the confidence in our financial institutions.” Still, he cautioned, “the markets remain fragile.” Ya think? Gas prices are dropping several times in one day at local gas stations.

Doggie Adoption Sunday!

Holly and the Homeward Bound Crew are coming up here with doggies this weekend!

Sunday October 26, 2008 at the PetSmart in Potomac Yard, 3351 Jefferson Davis Highway, Arlington, VA 22305. Their phone is (703) 739-4844.

They are bringing about 30 dogs ranging in age from 9 weeks to 3 years. All dogs are spayed/neutered, current to age on vaccines, dewormed, heartworm negative and started on monthly flea and tick preventative.

The adoption fee is $250, cash only.

All animals can be viewed on homeward.petfinder.com.

They also desperately need volunteers! Please email homeward@ellijay.com and let them know if you can volunteer.   This is where I’ll be because despite my type-A, “take no shit from no one” personality, Holly has been bossing me around like her little bitch ever since we waited tables in that sports bar in Connecticut in 1998 and she was running my food and fell on her ass. Apparently that was my fault, because I watched her fall and didn’t offer to help because I was very very busy talking to some beast of a man with a shaved head and a ton of tattoos. (Hello? It was Connecticut in the late 90’s. What did you expect?) I didn’t get a tip from that table, and Holly had fish sticks in her hair and we took it next door to the Villa where we battled it out until some drunkard fell off his barstool, but on the way down said, “You two should wrestle it out. I’ll get the blender and make some jello!”

See you there, bitches.

the way you can’t say no too many long lines in a row

as much a part of me as i was a part of you, for 11 years. food was eh. sleep was an elusive, precious commodity. sleep was for the weak. with you i am anything but weak. you were never where you were supposed to be. you were always lost in the shuffle of hats and cars and bottles of whiskey. i sometimes found you alone and in the strangest of places. i took you everywhere. i took you places you shouldn’t have gone. i took you places you expressly were not allowed. i cannot believe all the places you used to go. to work. to therapy. on airplanes to dallas and los angeles. to a club in new york city where you were spotted as you gripped my hand and my hand gripped you. on a company cruise. to the house of a person so famous and so unaware of what was going on that socks would be knocked off. you almost took me to the hospital. twice. you ended a relationship for me by hardening my emotions. you helped me drive all night to go get my things. i used you to enable me to destroy things and people and relationships. you brought people in my life who I didn’t need. you took people from my life i probably did need. you taught me not to need anyone. you controlled me enough to make decisions that sent other people to their lowest low, to their breaking point, to the point where they too turned to relatives of yours for consolation, to a point where my actions because of you realigned someone else’s life in a totally different manner.

sometimes i think about you and wonder how you are, but i don’t wonder enough to call. i see enough of you evident in others. i hear enough about you in bathroom stalls. i speak enough about you through stories.

there was a time i couldn’t envision a life without you.

naturally we swim to the surface, but not until we’ve reached the thud on the bottom. the point where we say that was fun, or maybe not so fun, but i’m done. you can hear the thud.

that thud was eighteen months ago from today, in Santa Monica, where I asked myself, what the hell am i doing? and then i answered…nothing, anymore.

The Smartest Thing You Did Was Take a Chance With Me

Take a forgotten horseshoe crab shell, a spare set of house keys and no particular plans for Monday other than retrieving that horseshoe crab shell, and you’ll find out that your man is running rampant in your life for a few brief moments…chatting with your dog walker, eating lunch at a neighbor’s restaurant, and using your makeup.

Fortunately he only used my MAC eyeliner to write me a note:

 

Variety Hour Part Five

Yeah, I’m sorry. I’m okay, just got wrapped up in life and life got wrapped up in me and “update my blog” hasn’t been near the top of my list, despite the fact that I’ve been way busy, but not too busy to still find the humor in things.

Because I’m feeling very ADD these past few weeks, interested in so much but not invested enough in one topic for a complete post, I bring back my one-time series, the Velvet Variety Hour!

Earlier (and funnier) installments can be found here. And here. And here. And here.

The Bailout
Cut the fucking shit already. Let’s lay some blame where it belongs. Alan Greenspan anyone? Greedy investors? Stupid homebuyers? Add all three to my list, but mostly that first moron because the homebuyers are too dumb to know any better, or in the case of the investor, too selfish to care. It’s not like I never voiced my Greenspan hatred here. And here. And I knew this was coming, though, I can’t say that I would have predicted this “soft landing” for three years, then a major crash as ARM after ARM readjusted and kicked people out of their homes. What a mess.

Anyway, is it foolish to point out again, a “self-correcting” economy? And would it be worth anything to say, “Hmm, maybe you, Greenspan, should have not cheapened the value of our dollar with rate cut after rate cut?” And would it fall on deaf ears to say: Fuck the bailout. Fuck it. Throw caution to the wind, suck up the imminent depression that would follow, and let the economy shake out and recorrect itself. We should have sucked down a recession after September 11th, but oh no, a fake war and the interest rate decline just prolonged the inevitable.

The truth is easier to swallow when it comes with a dose of hilarity.

My favorite part is where he says none of this will work and the government will throw more money at the problem. Yup. Your tax dollars at work. Complain to your Representative. Oh, wait, not if you live in DC.

The Election
Christ on a stick, is it not November yet? From day one of this crap, the only thing I have wanted is the one who will fix the economy. Neither of these mofo’s can do that. The wheels fell off the bus of the two party system a long time ago. Now what? Is it possible to “deregister” to vote? Can I sell my vote on ebay? There is certainly a lot of election paraphernalia on ebay, but no one is selling a vote yet. Hmm. Wonder why.

I can’t help but watch the Katie Couric / Sarah Palin interviews that have divebombed the internet. I told Mr. X, to me, there is nothing funnier than two women dueling it out, fighting tooth and nail to validate their recent promotion. Couric is just lobbing questions over the net that she hopes will prove she can hack it in places that aren’t the cushy, warm and fuzzy morning set of NBC and Palin is trying desperately to prove she’s worthy of the VP Nominee.

Work
Aah work. How you continue to be a hilarious source of comedic relief for me. Policies continue to be invented because people can’t seem to understand simple things like “working from home is not allowed in our company” or “wearing a miniskirt with a slit up to your pubes is inappropriate.” Now we have a sign in sheet. The sign in sheet is manned by the newly-hired receptionist. The other morning I was attempting to sign in when I was distracted by a flash of skin and satin. I looked up in horror to find that Ms. Newly-Hired was wearing a satin “I’m going clubbin” style halter top. Break out the strobe light I was so distracted that I dropped the pen. Yikes. It makes me miss our last receptionist – the one who got the New York Yankees tattoo and the Y was actually IN FRONT of the N, instead of just being one giant logo. Ha.

Ms. Newly-Hired called in sick today because her car got towed last night. Or something else equally unbelievable. She actually reminds me of someone else I used to work with – you know that person, right? The one who always has a story. Anyway, when we all started poking around her desk we uncovered a tornado of disaster, not the least of which is that she stuffed all our vendor’s checks in window envelopes, without the address showing in the window. I begged them not to fire her because she’s so comical. Someone aptly said, “She’s so…stupid.”

Facebook
Oh Facebook, how I love thee. When my BFF from kindergarten told me I had to join, I was reluctant. But then she sent me a link to my 3rd grade boyfriend and I was hooked. I have spent the last few weeks swimming through a sea of familiar, comfortable, and happy, remembering times when friendships were easy and you could take them at face value instead of wondering what people’s agendas were or which personality was going to emerge from their crazy-toychest. I used to wander through life with the same innocent take on friendships that I learned in elementary school, which was, 99% of people were nice. Once I got to DC I learned the hard way, after befriending crackpot after crackpot that you really have to be careful who you are friends with. Most people I’ve come in contact with seem to have “issues” that require medicine cocktails and shit, I’m tired of being around people when their dosages are screwed up and they use that as an excuse for being an asshole. Over it.

Hot Yoga
It is official. I think I might be addicted to hot yoga. There’s something so satisfying about getting your body to a point where it is so limber that you can push one hip from behind and the other from the front and hear about 40 cracks in unison. Granted, my bones crack like I’m 80 years old, but that shit feels good.

Sammy & Thora
The Sammy & Thora tattoo is in full force with the artist. I’m very excited. I had the perfect place for it, the middle of my back, but Mr. X mumbled something about having to be the one who sees it most and until I come up with an alternative, that’s where it’s going.

Weekend!
Mr. X and I are on our way out to the beach tomorrow to see the very beginnings of the house that is being built. For us. So I don’t have to waste away in DC on the weekends anymore. Yay!

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