Here’s what was going through my head.

  • I love you Rudy Giuliani.
  • Blech. Thanks for mentioning religion as the core of Palin’s small town.
  • That was like a stab in my ribcage.
  • Sarah Palin is hottttt.
  • Mr. Sarah Palin is hottttt.
  • Mr. X and I are hotter.
  • Can you people with your Sharpie-written signs try harder next time?
  • I recommend Kinkos. Wait. Are they still in business?
  • Palin will help “special needs” kids.
  • Is a pregnant daughter considered “special needs?”
  • Palin’s parents are here.
  • Reminds me of my parents who would be sitting there talking to each other the whole time, asking when the guy was gonna come by with the coffee and snack cart.
  • Thanks a lot mom and dad, I’m the VP nominee and you still don’t listen to me.
  • There’s a lot of cowboy hats there.
  • Mmmm…cowboy hats….
  • I wonder what hair products Palin uses. Her hair looks shiny.
  • God damned it, why won’t they show the pregnant daughter’s belly?
  • That’s really fucking annoying.
  • How far is Alaska? Mapquest!!!
  • Fuck. AL is the abbreviation for ‘bama, not Alaska.
  • 3,620 miles from Dupont Circle.
  • 82 hours of driving.
  • OH shit, that’s only to Juneau. (Juneau took me three tries to get it spelled right.)
  • Um, hello! It’s another 755 miles to Anchorage!
  • What are they chanting? I can’t understand these hillbillies.
  • Why do I live in DC?
  • Oh, because I got kicked out of Atlanta.
  • And I stole that car in Texas so I can’t go back there.
  • Oops. Bet that’d come out when I get elected for VP.
  • And the drinking…
  • And the drugs…
  • “In politics, there are some candidates who use change to promote their careers. And there are some candidates, like John McCain, who use their careers to promote change.”
  • D’oh. Snap! She got them there!
  • I need her speechwriter on my payroll.
  • I don’t have a payroll.
  • I bet her haircut costs more than John Edwards.
  • Hey, there’s a leprechaun here!
  • Oh wait, that’s just Cindy McCain in a really bad color dress.
  • Damn it. I walked out of the room to get a snack and I missed something and now some old guy is crying. Whaddi miss?
  • Was Sarah Palin even alive when McCain was taken hostage?
  • Was Cindy McCain even alive when her future husband was taken hostage?
  • I think Palin’s daughter just jetted out.
  • Someone nudged her and said, “Pregnancy is great birth control! Y’all can’t get pregnant again!”
  • Stupid hillbillies.
  • Palin’s done.
  • Hey! The Cat in the Hat is here!
  • Oh, wait. That’s just the bottom part of the American Flag.
  • OH MY GOD THERE’S THE PREGNANT DAUGHTER!
  • Some guy with white hair just came out to kiss the family one by one.
  • Richard Dawson is here!
  • Oh, wait. It’s just John McCain.