Okay, since we’re almost inside of two months of the election, I hereby lift my self-imposed moratorium on all Election-Talk. Also, I realize that it’s gotten tres annoying to read about how in love I am. Yeah. Even I gross myself out.

I spent a good portion of last weekend with The King of the Dog Park, a staunch Republican. I asked him who he was voting for and he said, as if I had lost my mind, “Oh, McCain, of course.” I know. The King is gay and “Gay Republican” isn’t in your vocabulary either. I’m still trying to wrap my brain around it. Shrug.

I haven’t given the election much thought, mostly because in the back of my mind I lost interest once Giuliani dropped out. (How can you not embrace one who is fiscally conservative and socially liberal???) I’m totally impartial to both candidates. No, really, I am. See, everyone has an agenda. And everyone hides portions of their agenda until they get into office, so making a decision based on what these two say they believe in and stand for makes no difference because it always changes.  When the Hostess and I passed a campaign table for Obama and I said something that amounted to my not really getting the whole Obama thing she said she was going to force me to sign my name. Okay Hitler, I mean, Hostess, it doesn’t quite work like that. You can’t really force someone to back a candidate, anymore than you can force them to vote…something I’m considering seriously.

One morning while driving to work, I actually thought about googling, “who should I vote for?” (I mean, people google damn near everything. People from the Ukraine have been led to my blog by searching for velvety anal sex, but whatever.) Luckily Holly, purveyor of all things dog, emailed me a link:

Who should you vote for?

And I took the quiz. Liberals of D.C., please get your barf bags ready!

John McCain 42
Barack Obama 12

Your recommendation: John McCain

Party: Republican

Yikes. Really? That’s really a problem. I knew I wouldn’t come out as a Democrat because, I just knew I wouldn’t. I don’t believe in social welfare programs, I wouldn’t like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony, and I don’t believe in social welfare programs. (But I do love John Lennon and I do believe if our world was like he portrayed in “Imagine,” then we’d be far better off.) I don’t believe in taking money away from moi and putting it into the hands of people who don’t work their asses off as hard as moi.  That quiz result is sort of an onion in my ointment. I would have liked to see a 50/50 split, or something close to that.

Then McCain picks a nobody for his VP, which wouldn’t really matter because who cares about a VP unless your President dies. Which…McCain stands a very good chance of doing based on such insurance-industry-acknowledged-risk factors such as his age, Cheney’s hunting record and whether Cheney is actually in town that weekend.

So now, it seems that one VP appointee, Sarah-Whats-Her-Name, has a pregnant daughter. A seventeen year old, Jamie-Lynn-Spears-Style pregnant teenage daughter! I love me some white trash. Maw? Can y’all pass the collard greens?

And here’s the best part:

“Senator McCain’s view is this is a private family matter. As parents, (the Palins) love their daughter unconditionally and are going to support their daughter,” said McCain spokesman Steve Schmidt.

Really? So the fact that the teenage vixen is pregnant is a “private family matter” but, if she wanted to terminate that pregnancy it would suddenly become a “public government matter?” Call me crazy, but I think that might be, oh, mildly off the wall. I mean, I know there’s not much to do in Alaska besides fuck, but seriously? You couldn’t have squeezed a condom into that Igloo? What else do Alaskans have to do in their free time anyway besides wait for the sun to come back in six months? Get thee to a CVS and buy yourself condoms! They are next to the canned collard greens!

This makes me miss the Bush Daughters already and they’re not even gone yet. I always loved those fake-id wielding daughters especially when their press was exceptionally bad, only because they just seemed like regular American girls. Shit, who out there didn’t have a fake id? Show of hands please? Yeah, thought so.

I’m really curious how this will pan out. I’ve lived in quite a few cities and I have found most of this country to still be, shockingly, horrifyingly racist. Will we choose a war-hungry President with a plastic wife and white trash VP whose children and/or grandchildren are still figuring out which branch of the family tree they are on or will they suck up any racial issues they may have to vote for Obama? Tough call.