Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

Month: September 2008

You Don’t Even Know What It Is That You’re Fighting For

Today I laughed and cried.

Driving to  the Vortex  and hearing the September 11th stories on NPR made me cry and cry and cry. It seems like longer than seven years. As I said to K this morning, time is a fascinating thing. Seven years ago, I still had two years left in a relationship, had several to follow, had not yet started grad school, and never knew of a Mr. X in my future. What a difference a day makes? Try seven years. I’m in a much better place. I’m not sure if our country is but our naivety was ripe for a shakedown.

There was a cat fight at work today of epic proportions. I texted as such to Mr. X. He texted back, “Were you involved?” No, because, duh, nothing I could be involved in could ever be described as a “cat fight.” Then he texted back and said, “If no one’s car got stolen in the end, then it wasn’t you.” True true. Ruining lives is fun.

One of the members involved in said cat fight had to, gasp, actually do some work. Some people had their car towed for one reason or another and they came in to our office. Meow Mix spent 20 minutes in a very heated debate with them explaining why their car was towed. It went on and on. And on. AND ON.

The People: “It was only there for 72 hours!”

Meow Mix: “It wasn’t 72 hours. It was there for three full days!!!”

Stupid people can make me laugh for 10 minutes straight.

Because Sammy and Thora Don’t Want to Hear My One Liners About the RNC Anymore…

Here’s what was going through my head.

  • I love you Rudy Giuliani.
  • Blech. Thanks for mentioning religion as the core of Palin’s small town.
  • That was like a stab in my ribcage.
  • Sarah Palin is hottttt.
  • Mr. Sarah Palin is hottttt.
  • Mr. X and I are hotter.
  • Can you people with your Sharpie-written signs try harder next time?
  • I recommend Kinkos. Wait. Are they still in business?
  • Palin will help “special needs” kids.
  • Is a pregnant daughter considered “special needs?”
  • Palin’s parents are here.
  • Reminds me of my parents who would be sitting there talking to each other the whole time, asking when the guy was gonna come by with the coffee and snack cart.
  • Thanks a lot mom and dad, I’m the VP nominee and you still don’t listen to me.
  • There’s a lot of cowboy hats there.
  • Mmmm…cowboy hats….
  • I wonder what hair products Palin uses. Her hair looks shiny.
  • God damned it, why won’t they show the pregnant daughter’s belly?
  • That’s really fucking annoying.
  • How far is Alaska? Mapquest!!!
  • Fuck. AL is the abbreviation for ‘bama, not Alaska.
  • 3,620 miles from Dupont Circle.
  • 82 hours of driving.
  • OH shit, that’s only to Juneau. (Juneau took me three tries to get it spelled right.)
  • Um, hello! It’s another 755 miles to Anchorage!
  • What are they chanting? I can’t understand these hillbillies.
  • Why do I live in DC?
  • Oh, because I got kicked out of Atlanta.
  • And I stole that car in Texas so I can’t go back there.
  • Oops. Bet that’d come out when I get elected for VP.
  • And the drinking…
  • And the drugs…
  • “In politics, there are some candidates who use change to promote their careers. And there are some candidates, like John McCain, who use their careers to promote change.”
  • D’oh. Snap! She got them there!
  • I need her speechwriter on my payroll.
  • I don’t have a payroll.
  • I bet her haircut costs more than John Edwards.
  • Hey, there’s a leprechaun here!
  • Oh wait, that’s just Cindy McCain in a really bad color dress.
  • Damn it. I walked out of the room to get a snack and I missed something and now some old guy is crying. Whaddi miss?
  • Was Sarah Palin even alive when McCain was taken hostage?
  • Was Cindy McCain even alive when her future husband was taken hostage?
  • I think Palin’s daughter just jetted out.
  • Someone nudged her and said, “Pregnancy is great birth control! Y’all can’t get pregnant again!”
  • Stupid hillbillies.
  • Palin’s done.
  • Hey! The Cat in the Hat is here!
  • Oh, wait. That’s just the bottom part of the American Flag.
  • OH MY GOD THERE’S THE PREGNANT DAUGHTER!
  • Some guy with white hair just came out to kiss the family one by one.
  • Richard Dawson is here!
  • Oh, wait. It’s just John McCain.

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