The Velvet in Dupont Summer Vocabulary List
- Annoying – When Mr. X leaves you by yourself to go get a cup of coffee and you’re standing around with your thumb up your ass and your ex-boyfriend walks by and acts like outside the pet store a block from where you live would be the last place he’d expect to see you, and has a conversation with you.
- Predictable – When your ex-boyfriend emails you after the encounter to say that it was good to see you, that it wasn’t awkward at all, and that “the dogs look good.” (Do dogs ever look different? Do they ever have a bad hair day? I mean, really.)
- Stupid – That you respond to this email because you find it mystifying that your ex-boyfriend would even be in your neighborhood and you sort of want to know why. You also decide to mention that you are happy he ran off so quickly as you were waiting on someone, knowing that will encourage him to write back to tell you that he probably replaced you seven minutes after emailing two of your closest friends asking them if they could “talk some sense into you.”
- Newsworthy – When you mention to a friend that you bumped into said ex, a person she despises, and you casually say, “WTF was he doing over here?”
- Uncomfortable – That he replies and says he “lives around the corner,” and that he is now a “we” too, as if being a “we” is the be-all, end-all to a successful life.
- Sad – That you know his need to not be alone trumps his ability to ever recognize any genuine feelings for another.
- Shocking – That you live around the corner, and now he claims he lives around the corner, so what gives?
- Crafty – That your friend manipulates google and finds out that he bought a house with his girlfriend.
- Unbe-fucking-lievable – That the address of that house is exactly 1.5 blocks away from you.
- Irritating – That he saw fit to buy a house this close to where you live.
- Coincidental – That it doesn’t take very long for him to cross your path again, at a red light, where he rolls down the window.
- Creepy – The smile on his face from ear to ear.
- Obligation – Despite the fact that you are in the midst of an x-rated text with Mr. X, you feel like this is your chance to say something about what you know.
- Grey Poupon Commercial – Where you speak to the person next to you at the red light to ask them a question.
- “Ya-got-me” shrug – What he does when you say, “So I guess you live in my neighborhood now.”
- Rolling Up Window – What you do after you say your part.
- Sorry – What you feel for his girlfriend now.
- Consolation – What you and Mr. X have, in each other, as each of you deal with your issues with exes.
- Peace – What you have in your life now, that you didn’t have during that time.
- Trash – The place where you can finally put your anxiety meds.
- A lie – What you wrote about here, because you knew that if you didn’t write otherwise, that you would really hear the shit.
- Compromise – What you had to do to your creative outlet in order to keep peace in a relationship.
- Drama – Something you no longer know anything about.
- A revelation to longtime readers – That a couple days after you wrote the above link, the two of you broke up because he threw a pile of dirt at you. That he used his key to come into your house. That you threatened, for the only time ever in your life, to call the cops. That you drove cross-country and back to finally break the tie.
- Weak – That you actually questioned your decision half way to Phoenix.
- Confirmation – That your original decision to leave was in fact, correct.
- Obvious -That you know that he has been checking this since your pet store encounter to see if you write about him.
- Satisfaction – That you are in love, really in love, and that you were probably in love with Mr. X for most of the relationship prior, that you used to think about Mr. X when you were having sex with the prior and that the ex knows that you know what he did in moving to your neighborhood, and that it’s someone else’s problem now.