I thought I would take a quick break from the dating posts to do something a little different. I’ve never done one of those ranting posts commenting on the “D.C. Blogger scene” in a negative way because I have met so many wonderful people through blogging. But, you know, it just has gotten so hard to keep my mouth shut about the few things I do see, and the things I hear about. And I always hear about them, believe me.

This little scene has become a lot like junior high. I say junior high and not high school because even in high school we didn’t act like this. Something about being behind a computer screen makes some people think they can do whatever they want. I try to stay off the radar and out of a lot of these little blog and comment wars, but at times I have fought for something I believed in or felt a necessity to defend someone or something.

So here it is. A list, (no, not “A-List” as I’m sure you’ve heard enough of that term for a while,) for why some of you are just such assholes. It is why the rest of the community, who has yet to show up at these Happy Hours and other social events, probably never will.

1) You find it okay, funny even, to pick on other bloggers appearances. Your little blog friends egg you on. But when it is done back to you, you can’t handle the eye-for-an-eye rule and you start a blog war.
Verdict: Blog war? Really? How old are you? Seven? You asked for it by picking on someone else’s appearance, now stop being such a baby. You should know better than to have started this anyway.

2) You ask another blogger to accompany you to a Happy Hour because you are scared to go alone. That blogger introduces you around. To outward appearances, many people remark to the blogger that you seem to be kissing her ass. Even someone who you think is now your “cool friend” went up to said blogger and said, “Why’s that fat chick pumping me for information about you?” Said blogger has been nothing but nice to you, going out of her way to return something that belonged to you. But, at the following happy hour you make disparaging comments about that blogger and her outfit (uh, make sure your own sweater isn’t two sizes too small first) and say, “I’m allowed to say what I want, she’s dating my ex.” (No honey, he’s not your ex. He calls you a “fuckbuddy.” Nothing about that says that you were ever his girlfriend. In fact, I think that he dumped you in a heartbeat when he found out he had a chance with aforementioned blogger, did he not?)
Verdict: Next time try not to gossip in a room full of people who will tell that blogger. And you should know better than to say something behind someone’s back while kissing up to them to their face. No reason to be fake. Just tell her you don’t like her instead of faking it.

3) You have a blogger who makes nasty comments about your blog or your appearance. Your “blog friends” come to your defense. But yet, when someone picks on those very same blog friends who defended you, you just sit silent and don’t say a word.
Verdict: When someone has your back, you should have theirs in kind. Otherwise, you just don’t know the meaning of the word friendship, do you? Never forget those who come to your defense.

4) You start a fight in someone’s comments for no reason other than that you are just a psychopath and have probably spent too much time breathing recirculated air in a pressurized cabin and part of your brain just leaked out of your ear all over your fancy new Tiffany earrings and Prada purse.
Verdict: Why would you do this? What’s the purpose? For hits? For attention? Please. No one cares who you are. Besides, isn’t it bad enough that you cried for sympathy about a Hurricane that ruined your life, yet, you neglected to tell everyone that you were roughing it in the Ritz Carlton in New York City when this Hurricane hit?

5) You pretend that you aren’t cliquey. But the fact remains that you systematically seek people out with whom you want to identify - the “cool new kid,” and you latch on, making them part of your imaginary group. If the “cool new kid” doesn’t come out and meet you in person, you shun them and stop reading their blog.
Verdict: Keep in mind that all these people are just other bloggers. What you have in common is that you log in to a website, write and then hit publish. That’s it. You don’t have anything else in common. They are not lifelong friends. They are not friends you made in “the real world.”

6) You have a spat with another blogger and that blogger apologizes. You threaten to “burry” them, (is that burry like, surrey with a fringe on top?) when you feel like blogging again. You also threaten to send their very apologetic email to “every blogger you know.” What are you sending to them? Your irrational rant about something that makes you look like an even bigger buffoon than most people already think you are?
Verdict: Uh, again, you know it is a blog right? Get over yourself. No one likes a bully. Or a burry.

7) You put a knife in another blogger’s back for a chance with a boy. Interesting.
Verdict: Someone needs to teach you the fine art of friendship little girl. Or should I say, not so little girl. This will come back under a theory called karma. In fact, word is, it already has.

8) You ask another blogger about how many hits they get, then get upset when their number is higher than yours, then post something about how their content is so stupid compared to other blogs out there.
Verdict: Asking someone how many hits they get is like asking someone in the real world how much money they make. Don’t do it if you don’t want to know the answer. And don’t make judgments about content and what people should be reading. People read things that are well written, entertaining and informative. They also read things that are none of the above. It’s none of your business either way.

9) All you talk about at Happy Hours is things you posted on your blog.
Verdict: Snore. Is this the only time you’ve been let out in public?

10) You post about how you really should be writing a novel but yet, you can’t spell half of what you write. You do know there is a spellcheck right? You know that the phrase is “I’m going to lose my cookies,” not “I’m going to loose my cookies,” right?
Verdict: Get a really good editor, and be prepared to pay through the nose. (Not to be confused with the noose.)

11) You write a blog about how much game you have, but you really have to follow people home and camp out at their house hoping they will hook up with you. And you won’t leave when given several signs that the person doesn’t want you there, like them banging dishes around the kitchen at 7 a.m. on a Saturday when you all just got home at 4 a.m.
Verdict: If you have to constantly remind people what a player you are, not only are you not a player, you are probably not even in the game.

12) You start a blog and quickly try to immerse yourself in the scene. You ask another blogger to go out with you. Then you go back and post for everyone to see things about that blogger that are less than flattering.
Verdict: This is disgraceful. There is an unspoken code among us about this sort of thing. If you go out as friends, no biggie. If you went out expecting more, you shouldn’t blog about it at all. The two of you have a community to share.

13) You talk about how even though you write such horrible things about women, you have nothing but respect for them. But then, several people have emails in which you call them names including “whore.”
Verdict: You better check how you define “respect for women” cause I don’t think you got it honey. At all.

14) Some blogger doesn’t like that you are so openly obnoxious toward other people and they defend those you attack. You respond by threatening them and calling them ugly.
Verdict: Didn’t you learn about sticks and stones? Really now. It’s all so ridiculous.

You know that discussing someone’s content or opinions is fine. But picking on their appearance? Totally unacceptable. Totally. I’ve just had it with a few of you in this community. I’m disgusted to be considered in the same group with those of you who are guilty of any of the above items. You behave like fucking children. You know you are just bloggers, right? You had friends before this, right? I mean, you do have a life in the “real world,” don’t you? Some of you have lives so boring that you read blogs all day and continue to instigate, stir the pot, and “start wars.” Though, it is hard to have a war when the other side just doesn’t care enough to fight back. Yawn. Get over yourselves. Step away from the computer, stop the bullshit and start being a better person.

*Any similarity to any D.C. bloggers, living or dead, is purely coincidence.