Velvet in Dupont 29 Aug 2006 11:21 am
Okay. I’m doing better. And I have you kids to thank, the support was truly amazing. I also caught site of this, by MY blog crush, Circumlocutor. Stay anon my precious Circumlocutor, for look at all the trouble I’m now enduring!
It has been an emotionally exhausting 48 hours. But, I’m through it. I’d go into full detail, but even I’m unsure that I know everything that transpired behind the scenes. I liken this situation to peeling an onion: with every layer there is something else under there that you find.
The best I can come up with in a situation this volatile is to try to learn something. I have found through my life that I’ve encountered very few people in whom I can find absolutely zero redeeming qualities. Usually everyone has something in them that I can see as positive. But, occasionally I come across a person who is miserable, nasty, malicious and incredibly self absorbed and I realize I don’t want them in my life at all. I really should be the opposite - I shouldn’t trust anyone until I eliminate them from the “potential enemy” category. Especially since el bloggo has become more widely-read than I ever thought. It brings out the worst in some of the most jealous. And sometimes haters do some serious damage.
Through my life, I’ve had two people, both women, with whom I had a fight and we stopped speaking. Both of those friendships were repaired successfully - one months after and one years after the initial incident. I was enemy-free for a while. But I collected three more in the spring, and now I feel as though I’ve got one more purely poisonous person to add to the list. Four. I’ve got four enemies. All thanks to blogs and blogging.
There have been a lot of behind-the-scenes emails back and forth, with some unlikely sources who emerged, throwing in two cents that under normal circumstances would be nothing but an outsider’s opinion. But these people mattered tremendously as they revealed they knew the parties at hand. I found out more than I needed to, and I think I pieced together a good deal of what happened.
I would like to think that Sherlock learned to not tell other girls about his love life, no matter how much they state that they have “other things going on” or aren’t interested in him. Most women get jealous and possessive. He shared too much private information about me with some other women. He trusted them too much and as a result, I couldn’t trust him. Too many people knew our business. I’m not talking about things that I wrote on the blog - I’m talking about my name, where I work etc. That sort of stuff should not be revealed to other people.
When I was attacked in my comments, I fought back as I stated previously. I don’t tolerate that shit at all. I’m not a fighter, but if you pull me into the ring, I will make it very ugly. I feel that Sherlock and I were set up, for someone’s sick thirst for entertainment. I saw a portion of an email that floored me. Interesting that a woman who is incredibly protective of her anonymity would threaten to reveal mine as well as Sherlocks personal information online. Sad. Pathetic and sad, and I cringe that people like this exist among us, wagging the dog into sympathy posts on natural disasters. It makes me ill.
You may find my focus on the “other parties” to be, in a way, absolving Sherlock of his guilt in the matter. I’m not doing that. If there wasn’t a lie to be blackmailed with, then none of this would have happened. But only when threatened, did he come clean. Again, I can’t fault the man for this behavior. Look, some people have a lot of sex with a lot of different people. But as Homer Simpson said, “There’s a time and a place for everything and it’s called college.” For many reasons, Sherlock didn’t have the same experiences in his 20’s that the rest of us did. I did. I’m fucked out. I don’t need to sleep around with a bunch of people to prove my worth. But my answer would have been different a few years ago, just out of a six year relationship. That’s the stage he’s at, and it’s where he needs to be so he can get it out of his system. He shouldn’t have lied to me. I don’t know how I would have reacted, but it would have been easier to take coming from him, on his own terms, and not because he was threatened with it.
I’m quite happy to be able to put this entire situation to rest. And Sherlock did share something with me that I’m going to share with you. He said, “They all know Velvet, but I got to see a piece of the real you.” I said, “I don’t think you understand, that is me. It’s not a persona. I write what I feel.” And he said, “No. There’s something sweeter and more vulnerable about the real you. No one could possibly get that unless they know you in real life.” I’ve maintained for the duration of this blog that I give 100% and tell all. But you know, he’s right. There are small parts that I keep for myself. And it will stay that way.