Here they are folks. Looking at all of yours, mine really aren’t as good as I thought they were. (Though, I did dump someone once on this blog. Do I get any points for that? Anything? How about when I threw a turkey sandwich at the MotorcycleInstructor? Ok, I’ll stop now.)

  • You are out of quarters. This game is over. (Velvet. Haven’t used it. May never use it.)
  • Don’t call me, don’t look at me, don’t think about me, don’t even think about trying to talk to me ever again. (Velvet, to high school boyfriend.)
  • I just deleted your numbers out of my phone.
  • Talking to you has become a pain in the ass. (DCOE)
  • I’m gay. I’m joining the military. So I can be with men. (Requested Anonymity)
  • Guess who called me today? Your wife. (My college roommate actually said this to a guy and yes it was true.)
  • I was thinking, I don’t really want to be in a relationship right now. I thought I did, but I don’t. And I know you do, so it’s not fair. (Asian Mistress)
  • or a similar one from: I thought I wanted a relationship, but I think I am just not the relationship type. You know, I am probably never going to get married or have kids or anything.
  • Think very carefully about the next words you are going to say to me, because they are going to be your last. (Velvet. I’m dying to use this one.)
  • You are an amazing girl. If the timing were any different, I know we could be together. But, the timing isn’t right.
  • I have been in love once before and had my heart broken. It took me a long time to get over that. I don’t think I could ever put myself in that situation again. I think I could fall for you, so I hope you understand that it’s better to end this now.
  • My ex-girlfriend is pregnant with my child.
  • When we were trying to work things out, and you said, “My pizza is here, I’ll call you right back,” I knew at that moment you loved me less than that pizza and that was all I needed. (Sadly, this is me. Yes, I said it. It’s the line that ended a 6 year relationship.)
  • Did you dump her yet? (MappyB heard this one from her boyfriend’s friend who was on his cell. Volume peeps. Volume.)
  • “I think it’s best if we don’t see each other anymore. Sent from my Blackberry Wireless.” (This is my joke with my boss, who when he asked me how my weekend was after the NewJersey breakup, laughed as I said the above. NJ didn’t really send it from a Blackberry, but this world is certainly coming to that. I’m sure it’s bound to happen to someone.)
  • And, NotMiranda was dumped with a note on her car. He loved her but they had just hurt each other too much at the beginning of the relationship…”the time we spent apart was painful and [I am] almost physically ill from nerves right before seeing me.

Shit. And I thought an email dumping was bad.