Month: January 2006

I had to do something to make myself feel better. I had to. Had had had. So I did something normally reserved for leaner times: I went fishing out of the recycling bin.

Actually, that’s not entirely true. In my Craigslist forays, I’ve met a total of five men. But there was one who escaped me – CL#2BlueEyes. We had incredible email banter (he loves bad date stories too) and some phone messages that never quite got returned – on both parts. Forgetting the score, and not really caring, I shot him an email Monday afternoon. I tested out my line that I wanted to use on CL#4NewJersey. Hope they’re not friends. Anyway, here’s what it said.

Velvet: OMG! What happened to you? Did you die? Should I come to your funeral? I still have Willie Nelson on my phone, you know, if you want to hear it again.
(In previous emails, he made a lot of fun of my ringback songs, Willie being one of them.)

Reply arrives in 1 minute.
CL#2BlueEyes: Arrangements have been made through Pete’s Mortuary. Floral arrangements can be sent to Nashville. This is pretty funny, I was thinking about trying to reconnect with you this weekend!

Well. Well. Well. I could actually complete my collection. First Five Fellows From Fraigslist. Shut up, it sounds dumb if the last word doesn’t start with an “F.” Did I mention this one is hot?

We continued to email, moved to IM and had a great conversation, essentially picking up where we left off six weeks ago. I thought about thanking him for ditching me and leaving me with the others in his CL Graduating Class. Who can forget the likes of CL#1Writer (a.k.a. the octopus) and CL#3TextTormenter (who still calls me) but I figure I can still pretend to be a CL Virgin. He asked what my week looked like, I told him, and he said, “Thursday, 7:30, meet me at X restaurant in Clarendon.” I love a man with a plan. And, Fabu! I’ve recovered. And it sure as shit put a smile on my face. I guess half the disappointment of losing a man in your life is the idea of getting out there again and starting all over. But lucky for me, one was lounging in the recycling bin and had not been taken from the curb.

In other news, I decided to do what I have been pondering. I chose the middle ground and sent CL#4NewJersey a text message. Yeah yeah yeah, I know. I hate them and bitch about them. But I didn’t want to send an email, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to call so I could stutter over my words. The text simply said: “It is very sad to hear of your death. But, did I miss the funeral?” Peeps please. Don’t lecture me. I made the right decision for me. It’s snarky, and to me, it gets my point across. It says: “I’ve noticed your untimely disappearance from my life and really just wanted you to know that I know.” It doesn’t cry for a call back, it doesn’t sound needy.

Anyway, a late night text message volley ensued.
CL#4NJ: I just emerged from a coma.

I wanted to sleep on it and figure out what sort of response I would toss back, but he sent another text.

CL#4NJ: You know…my phone accepts incoming calls.

Never one to follow directions, I wrote back instead of calling. I know…I should have called.

Velvet: You are one of the most impossible men I have ever gone out with.
CL#4NJ: I’mpossibly handsome?
Velvet: I don’t know. I forgot what you look like.
CL#4NJ: Go to bed. We’ll talk.

What?

Um. Huh?

Look. Whatever. I did what I wanted to. So far I have a non-answer, but so what. I know I’m going to get a rash of shit from half of you. But I did the right thing for me. I was stewing all weekend and there was no way I wasn’t going to send some sort of message.

Also, please try to understand something. While I truly enjoy dating, getting shit on by dates, and utilizing other bloggers to torture assholes who prove themselves as such before I find myself out on a date with them, I don’t want to do this forever. I don’t want to wake up at 60 with no family and nothing to look back on because I was a bitter hag while I was dating. I’m trying to bend. I’m trying to release some of my control issues, and as such, I had to say to myself, “What if he’s sitting at home wondering if I even like him?”

I get it. The book the book the book. Fuck that book. What has that book done for me lately? In case anyone was keeping score, I’m still single. The book says if he doesn’t chase me, he’s not interested – I know. But life isn’t black and white. I have had a handful of great relationships and they all needed nurturing and cultivating. Besides, I like this guy. It’s not like the 800 others who I couldn’t stand, ran home from or felt lukewarm about. I’m not getting any younger, and this tough chick attitude isn’t fucking working anymore. So it’s a late New Years resolution-amendment but I’m going to bend and be more flexible with men. And we’ll see where it gets me. By June, I might be eating my words. And for all I know, when he and I “talk” he’ll tell me he’s gay, or the ubiquitous ex-girlfriend popped back in his life.

At least I can say I tried.

Ugh. I am feeling not myself today. Actually, I haven’t been myself in almost a week. Last week I promised myself and you all that I would be raring to go on Monday, and Monday is here. Sigh, I’m oh so not in the mood to rejoin the regularly scheduled programming.

I had to decompress and try to figure out the source of my hellaciously bad mood. And here it comes: The list.

1. I have gained weight. Damn. I hate this. It makes me miserable enough to not leave the house. So, I’m back to eating right and have to drop my extra fluff. Don’t blame it on the holidays because I didn’t go home and didn’t do any extraneous eating. Blame it on me eating out every damn day.
2. Where in the hell did CL#4NewJersey go? Where? What the hell is wrong with him? I’m so angry about this flaky disappearance that I feel like emailing him and saying, “Damn, I didn’t know you were dead. I hope I didn’t miss the funeral.” I’ve collected some varying opinions on doing this, but, it led me to having this other train of thought. Exiting list mode now.

Am I just too passive in relationships? I know of a handful of women who literally hold the reins in their relationships. I don’t want to be this woman, but I think that so many men have proven themselves to be wishy washy, that women have learned to take the lead on relationship items. It’s not my style to call CL#4NewJersey and hound him because I’m of the “He’s Just That Not Into Me” school. But would another woman allow this to go on? Would another woman allow him to flake out like this without an appropriate excuse?

Some could argue that it was only three dates and that I have no right to contact him, fishing to find out what went wrong. But, it was three intense dates. While there was no sex, I detailed the conversation and things that happened on said dates. The man acted like he was into more with me than just someone to hang out with. Non-stop laughing people. Non-stop laughing. I’m not even sure what contacting him will yield. Even if he said, “Let’s go out tonight,” right now I feel like all these games and the lack of contact has made me lose interest – interest in him, but I haven’t lost interest in finding out what his deal is.

Damn am I in a bad mood.

People Please. I am sick to death of hearing these ridiculous complaints about James Frey and his “A Million Little Pieces” book.

1. Who cares if he embellished facts and changed details? The message is still the same: Your life will be a pile of shit if you sink into becoming an alcoholic and drug addict like he describes.
2. The book wasn’t that good anyway. The first 200 pages were of him vomiting everywhere. Please. I could shit a better story than that. In fact, I have.
3. Stop letting Oprah do all your thinking for you. Don’t let her tell you what books to read. Don’t let her tell you who to worship. Don’t let her tell you who you used to worship and now must despise.
4. If you’re still pissed that he lied, consider something. Drug Addicts and Alcoholics haven’t been given any awards for their integrity and honesty. What the hell did you expect?
5. If you couldn’t tell by reading the book that he was making some of the shit up, then I have a bridge to sell you. Who the hell has a dual root canal, cavity filled, two crowns, a broken nose smashed back into place and 40 stitches in their face within 48 hours and without the aid of painkillers?

Huh. I feel like I just channeled AUA for a minute. Ok. That is all.

All right, you all wanted to see it. Here’s his pic.

El Guapo:

Gracias for all your hard work yesterday. You have proven yourself to be the Numero Uno funny man of the D.C. Blog scene. I have an incredible urge to stick my tongue in your boca. But since you will not present yourself, I shall continue cruising Craigslist for dorks.

In an effort to thank you, I hereby present to you, this shrine. An Ode to El Guapo. Here are your best lines, used on AngryMan.

1. I love to curl up with a man while he watches sports. It makes me feel perfect.
2. Yes, I get manicures and penicures regularly. (Freudian slip?)
3. I don’t have very strong hands, but I can do other things to make my lover happy
4. Other treatments for my body? Well, yes, but I have to find that special someone to help me with that.
5. You sound so big and strong I’m sure you could just flip me over so easily. What would you do then? Would you pour some candle wax on me? Would you mind if I turned you over and poured candle wax on you?
6. My favorite thing to do in the bedroom is to tie up my partner. I have velvet rope that I use. I like to control him
7. I’ve always wanted to use food during lovemaking. This sounds weird, but I like spicy food, so I would like to pour Tabasco sauce on my lover’s chest and lick it off. It would be spicy on my tounge and hot on his chest. Then I would kiss him for him to feel the heat.
8. Yes. I have been with a woman. Is this ok with you? It was a very strange relationship that my brothers found out about. It was a very messy situation, but this was in Brazil, so they cannot do anything to my lovers here. It was wonderful. I met her while I was volunteering at a school for the blind. I still think about her on rainy nights.
9. I touched myself last night while thinking about you. I didn’t have my vibrator, so I used one of the whiskey bottles in the mini-bar. I know it’s kinky, but I needed something. The label was peeling a little bit and it felt good.
10. Have you ever stuck anything in you? I like doing that sometimes. I think it’s hot when a man is masculine enough to admit that feels good. Would you be ok with my doing that?
11. I was with my female lover about 5 years ago. She was blind, but beautiful. She could not speak very well because of surgeries, but she could touch. We spent most of the time in bed because she couldn’t walk without the use of canes
12. I would sit on her face for hours while she made me orgasm over and over. It took some getting used to her hands being always in a fist, but I eventually used that to my advantage.
13. Paul, I need to know about your size. Please tell me.
14. His response: “my name is not paul.”
15. It is true, I had made love to my business partner Paul, but that was one time in a drunken night in Singapore. There were others as well. He doesn’t mean anything to me John! He was just there and it slipped.
16. Please Paul. Have your friend come and meet us. I can watch you two make love while I touch myself like you wanted.
17. Please Paul. You must be aware of what the Patriot actually covers. Unfortunately, lustful e-mails is not one of them.
18. Paul, please, think of all of the deli meats we can eat off of each other. Please, do not be vindictive with your imaginary uses of law. I beg of you

El Guapo, I might be in love with you. You made personas en todo el mundo laugh yesterday.

Much Amor y besitos,

Velvet

Oh no. We’ve gone too far. His responses are italicized. I’ll guide you in parenthesis.

*****************************************
(From AngryMan)
Yes, I wear underwear. I think most guys do. I wear boxers or the boxer/brief combination. Hey, speaking of pictures, do you have any pictures you can send me? Diane sent me two, but I wanted to see more of you. I have never done the wax thing, but would be willing to try. I am pretty open minded in the bedroom. Are you? What are your favorite things to do in bed? Please tell. I like a woman to wear lingerie for me. To model it and show off your body to me. Seduce me with your body and get me so hot for you. When is your flight home?
*****************************************
(From Mercedes)
I’m on my company laptop. I don’t have any more pictures. I’m sorry. 🙁 I loooooooooove boxer briefs. You make me so excited that you are into new things in the bedroom. I’m very adventurous and will try anything if I trust my lover. My favorite thing to do in the bedroom is to tie up my partner. I have velvet rope that I use. I like to control him, but I promise in a good way. I’ve always wanted to use food during lovemaking. This sounds weird, but I like spicy food, so I would like to pour Tabasco sauce on my lover’s chest and lick it off. It would be spicy on my tounge and hot on his chest. Then I would kiss him for him to feel the heat. Would you like this?

Brazil is known for it’s lingerie. I will stop by and pick up a couple of things this weekend. My flight leaves Manaus in the morning, but it goes to SP, Houston, then DC. I will be arriving late on Sunday. Will you be up?

Tell me what you would do to me. Have you ever had a threesome? I’ve always been curious about that.

M
*****************************************
(Obv, from AngryMan)
Mercedes:

Your flight leaves Sunday morning? How long of a flight is it?

I love lingerie. Buy some or just wear what you have at home. I am sure it is as sexy as can be.

I am open minded in the bedroom so we can discuss doing whatever you want to do. Yes, I would love to have a threesome. That would be fun. Although, I would want to be with just you and get some trust between us. That would make the threesome much better. Have you ever been with a woman?

Do you touch yourself alot when you are on the road? I want to watch you do that. I assume you wax or shave?
*****************************************
(From Mercedes)
The flight is long. I will be leaving very early. Around 7AM in Brazil and only getting to DC near 11 PM.

Yes. I have been with a woman. Is this ok with you? It was a very strange relationship that my brothers found out about. It was a very messy situation, but this was in Brazil, so they cannot do anything to my lovers here. It was wonderful. I met her while I was volunteering at a school for the blind. I still think about her on rainy nights.

But yes, a threesome is only to be done when trust is formed.

I will touch myself in front of you if you do the same. I am completely waxed. Very Brazilian. 😉

Will you touch yourself too? Are you big or small or medium? Tell me specifics. I am very tiny, so I need to be careful with that regard.

What is your fantasy?
**************************************
(AngryMan ain’t so angry anymore)
Yes, the fact that you have been with a woman is fine with me. I would love for you to tell me all about it. How long ago was it? Please give me details. I would love to hear every detail about it.

How often do you touch yourself? Have you done so thinking about me?

Every guys fantasy is to be with two or three beautiful women at the same time. I would love to do that.

I also love to have a woman wear lingerie when I get to her house. She has it on and leads me to the bedroom where candles are lit and she wants to be romantic and make love all night. I love the body rubs as I mentioned and the touch of a beautiful confident and sexy woman.

When was the last time you were with a man?
****************************************
(Mercedes again!)
I touched myself last night while thinking about you. I didn’t have my vibrator, so I used one of the whiskey bottles in the mini-bar. I know it’s kinky, but I needed something. The label was peeling a little bit and it felt good. Have you ever stuck anything in you? I like doing that sometimes. I think it’s hot when a man is masculine enough to admit that feels good. Would you be ok with my doing that?

I was with my female lover about 5 years ago. She was blind, but beautiful. She could not speak very well because of surgeries, but she could touch. We spent most of the time in bed because she couldn’t walk without the use of canes. She had red hair and was beautiful. I would sit on her face for hours while she made me orgasm over and over. It took some getting used to her hands being always in a fist, but I eventually used that to my advantage. She was the only woman I ever really loved.

I have been with other women with my lovers, but I don’t count those. I do it for them. I do anything to keep them happy.

Paul, I need to know about your size. Please tell me.
****************************************
(Uh oh. AngryMan is BAACK.)
my name is not Paul.
****************************************
Oh no! John, please I am sorry. Paul is a business partner who was talking to me when I was writing. I feel so embarrassed! Please, I am so sorry.
****************************************
Well, Mercedes.

I need you to call me or for me to call you. I understand you are out of the Country, but provide me with a phone number and I will call you.
****************************************
I am afraid that I am too embarrassed to continue with you. I did not want to make you feel small by calling you a different name. I am so sorry. I have tears in my eyes.

And to think that I had all these plans and you were making me so excited to meet someone special and then this happened.

I deserve this. You are too sweet of a man to have to have someone call you by another name.

It is true, I had made love to my business partner Paul, but that was one time in a drunken night in Singapore. There were others as well. He doesn’t mean anything to me John! He was just there and it slipped. I’m sorry.

Please, if you want, I will give you my flight information and you can meet me at Dulles on Sunday.

M
**********************************
Give me your phone number.
**********************************
I am in Brazil using the comp’s cell for business.

Have you lost all faith in me? Be honest.
**********************************
(To Both of Us)
Well you two, whoever you are.

I hope you had your fun for the day.

I am not quite sure you are looking to get out of stringing guys along like this. Have you ever heard of Karma? What goes around comes around?

I would like to be there when it gets back to you two.
**********************************
John please. This is my sister in law. Please do not bring her into this. Please. I beg you. This is just between you and me.
**********************************
(Another from AngryMan.)
Why are you two playing games.

Being so dishonest and lying about everything is not very cool.

I have a couple of buddies who work down the hall if you know what I mean. They have access to email accounts – especially g-mail. This will be very fun for me.
***********************************
(A third from AngryMan.)
I am going to have so much fun with you. Ahhhhhh……………..sweet revenge.

I just hung up with a buddy of mine who consults for DHS. He is going to help me with this.
**********************************
(El Guapo tries once more…)
Please Paul. Have your friend come and meet us. I can watch you two make love while I touch myself like you wanted. Please, do not e-mail my sister in law Diane.
**********************************
(Using his first line of introduction with me from my Craigslist ad. – Hello, didn’t I say men always tell us who they are in the first five minutes?)
you are a fucking idiot.
**********************************
(El Guapo, blatantly calling him by wrong name.)
Paul, please, this could be special. Do not be angry.
**********************************
(AngryMan is ANGRY.)

Whatever.

BTW – g-mail is apparently very open to providing information using the Patriot Act.

Thought you should know.
**********************************
(El Guapo, in his funniest of all comebacks:)
Please Paul. You must be aware of what the Patriot actually covers. Unfortunately, lustful e-mails is not one of them.

Paul, please, think of all of the deli meats we can eat off of each other. Please, do not be vindictive with your imaginary uses of law. I beg of you
**********************************
(Diane tries to write back.)
Damn you two. What happened? I just got back from a meeting and saw all these emails. Goodness.

Oh well, Mercedes – I tried. Sounds like he’s a pecker anyway.

And you, John – you’re ready to tell all your friends at work what you wrote to Mercedes? Ha. I doubt it.
**********************************
Diane receives this:
Message Undeliverable. USER IS NOT ACCEPTING MAIL FROM THIS SENDER.

I probably shouldn’t post his picture, but I’m more than happy to email it to anyone who asks.

There is officially someone who has as much time on their hands as I do, and who also enjoys a good practical joke/revenge at some bastards expense. El Guapo is handling things with the AngryMan from here. We should call him CLAngryMan I suppose.

El Guapo created a fake email and sent this, which resulted in the exchange that follows.

Hello. You may find this strange, but today Diane sent you two pictures of me. You see, Diane is my sister-in-law who has it in her head that I am going to be forever single. So, she posts ads for me on Craigs List and Match in her treasure hunt to find me a man.

She told me that you two had a fun back and forth today and actually sent me your picture. I’m actually traveling in South America for work right now, but would love to chat with you over e-mail until I get back. Be forwarned that my response times will either be very quick or very slow depending on my meeting schedule.

Diane is a good judge of character and she told me that you had great wit. Besides, you are too cute!

Sorry for the novel. I can’t wait to hear from you!

Mercedes
************************************************
I am not quite sure I understand what is going on here.

You are out of the country? Who sent me the pics and who is the woman in the pics?
************************************************
Wow! That was quick! That’s me in the pics.

It’s kind of embarrassing that she does this, but she tries to find me guys to date on the Internet. She complains that I work and travel too much etc etc.

She told me that I would like your sarcasm. And she knows my type, so she forwarded me your picture in the hopes that I would actually take initiative.

Well, tonight I’m in my hotel room and the martinis gave me the initiative to write you.

How are you? Tell me a bit about yourself. What do you do? Where are you from? etc.
************************************************
So, that is you in the pics? I asked for her to call me to prove it was/is her, but she did not. Is this the reason? Becuase it is you?

I guess I feel lied to, but I see why she did it.

Where are you right now? I know you are in a hotel, but where?

I live in Fairfax, VA. I own a town house and live alone. I love living alone……………wait, everything she told me was a lie? You don’t do real estate? You don’t live alone in DC?

This would be much easier if we could talk on the phone………….can we?
*************************************************
Yup, that’s me! She’s married to my brother, and she couldn’t pull off my accent (although she tries!). I’m sorry that she lied to you. She’s a super amazing person. I didn’t like her at first (she took away my little brother!), but she grew on me very quickly.

No, I’m not in Real Estate. My family is in the make-up business and several of our manufacturing facilities are in Venezuela & Brazil. Right now I’m in a city called Manaus in Northern Brazil.

You already want to talk on the phone? Well, luckily I’m in Brazil, so I can’t. However, I’m a little new with this meeting people over the Internet, so I’d feel a lot better about it if we kept it to e-mail. Do you mind? I’m sorry, but my family is very protective over me and I don’t want to put myself “out there”. They’re very nice once you meet them and they know you.

I do live alone in DC. I live just off Pennsylvania Avenue in Capitol Hill. I love it there, but I wish I were home more… 🙁

I own a townhome and share it with my Fox Terrier. Do you like dogs? I love dogs. They are loyal and are always in a good mood. I like living alone too, except when it’s cold in the winter.

I went to college in the North East, but my family is originally from Brazil. I pretty much grew up here, but I still have that accent. I like it though. It’s very me.
I’m sorry that she teased you like that, but it was for a good cause. We got to speak over e-mail didn’t we? And, I get back on Sunday, so we can talk then.

What about you? Tell me about yourself? I can’t even sleep now. See what you did to me?
***********************************************

What is this dude’s hangup about living alone? It’s like he dated someone in a group house and he’s scarred for life. El Guapo – you must get on that! Invent a permanent houseguest.

Why am I doing this? Because, this guy was cruising the ads sending out obnoxious replies under the anonymous email address feature. I know he’s a dick and he deserves a little slapping around for it. So, all you Anonymous posters who want to cry about it, tell me I’m wrong, that I should stop – get off my blog. Go read about sunshine and lollypops, cause Velvet and El Guapo are muy busy.

HA!

Perhaps my commute is making me angry. Maybe it’s because I spent a delightful night with the devilish CrazyGirl and she got me fired up. Or maybe it’s because my last Craigslister is a flake – see post below this one. But, today’s emails have yielded this batch of fun.

AngryMan: you’re a fucking idiot {Who sends crap like this on the first try?}
Velvet: And you have a tiny penis.
AngryMan: And you are a ditch licker.
Velvet: Why so angry? Why are you cruising Craigslist firing insults at people? I bet you’re a short, fatty, with blubber hanging everywhere and you just can’t find yourself a girl. So you insult them.
AngryMan: LOL………….actually, I am a really nice guy. I am just messing around. If I offended you I am sorry. I was just having fun. I am sure you are a wonderful woman with much to offer a guy. I am about your age by the way – if that matters. Have you received a ton of responses to your ad?
Velvet: Let’s see..a ton of responses, yes. But once you net out all the people who hurl insults at me (only you) and who are dorks, there’s not a lot left.
AngryMan: Seriously, I am a nice guy, just messing with you. Have you sent your picture out to many guys?
Velvet: I’ve sent my picture to no one. I haven’t wanted to.
AngryMan: So, I assume you won’t send your pic to me. Can you at least give me a physical description to go with your sarcastic temperament? I can respond in kind if you like.
Velvet: I’m 5’5. I go to the gym every morning…although I suspect I have collected 5 extra pounds in the last few weeks. They’ll be gone by next week though, in time for our wedding. Dark hair, brown eyes. What else?
AngryMan: Sounds very nice. To which gym do you belong (poor sentence, but did not what to end it in a prep – phrase, you know?) You work out every morning. You must have decent stamina. mmmmmmm Where do you live and are you sure you can wear white down the isle?
Velvet: I live in D.C.I can wear white. I’m a virgin. If I told you what gym, you might stalk me. I can’t have you across the street, yelling out “you’re a fucking idiot” when I’m trying to start my day.
AngryMan: ahhh………..good point. I don’t live in DC. I live in NOVA. So tell me………….. Biggest turn ons and turn offs
Velvet: Biggest turn offs: men who swear at me on Craigslist. Turn ons: Someone who is insanely intelligent, tall, nice teeth. You?
AngryMan: Offs – Women who tell me I have a small penis on CL. LOL Ons – body rubs. Any more? So, any chance I can get a pic of you?
Velvet: As soon as I get one of you.
AngryMan: ahhhh………..I see. Do you think you deserve one? Please list more turn ons and offs.
Velvet: You called me a fucking idiot. I deserve way more than a picture. I deserve an apology and probably dinner. See how I worked that in there? List more…Hmm. Must think about that.
AngryMan: Ahhh…………I see the angle there. Good way to work that in on that one. So, if I send you a picture – will you send one right back? I do apologize. I assume you apologize for saying I had a small dick and was really fat?
Velvet: Ok. I’m sorry. Although it’s a funny combination. I’ll send one right back. Unless you send me a pic of George Bush.
AngryMan: Ok, here is a pic. Please send yours.
Velvet: ok
AngryMan: Yea, right,,,,,,,,,,,,please send one of you.
Velvet: I did. You didn’t get it? Should I send it again?
AngryMan: You sent me a pic of a very pretty woman sitting down wearing a bra. Is that honestly you?
Velvet: It’s my bathing suit top.I didn’t realize you could see that. Sorry. It was taken at the beach this past summer.
AngryMan: do you have any other pics you can send? Yours was very nice by the way. Did you like mine?
Velvet: Why do you want more pics? You didn’t send more pics of you. Just like a guy. You all always want 10 pics so you can decide if she’s worthy enough for you. No. I don’t like your pic. You look like a dork and I bet you have a tiny pee pee.
AngryMan: LOL…………..pee pee. I like that. Are we in high school. No, I don’t want 10 more pics…………..just one. This time, you send one and I will send one in return.
Velvet: That sounds like a stupid deal. I’m clearly hotter than you are. So why would I do that?
AngryMan didn’t write back. I am not letting this one get away. So I wrote again. In case you can’t tell, I’m going to make him pay dearly for sending me that initial “fucking idiot” email.

Velvet: Honey, was I a little too harsh? Did you leave me and go to lunch? Oh my. I hope I haven’t scared you away with my delightful personality.
AngryMan: I actually thought it was pretty funny. You are pretty, but I am a hottie.
Velvet: I doubt that you are a hottie. Big Geek are the words that come to mind. So where do you work, Big Geek? Cause I know you’re not an ER doc.
AngryMan: I work in Fairfax. I own a small company and have an interest in a real estate firm. How are we coming with the list of turn ons and offs? Where do you work? What do you do for a living?
Velvet: I work in D.C., also in real estate. I probably know you. “How are we coming with the list” – funny. Ok. Turn on: Picking up men on Craigslist; Turn off: having them swear at me. Turn on: When they apologize and can keep up with my sarcasm; Turn off: When they are a stick in the mud.(not you, of course, but mostly all these other schlubs.) Turn ons: Music, my thong undies, men who are smart. Turn offs: Traffic, you in thong undies, liars.
AngryMan: Now wait just one minute —– you put that a turn off would be me in a thong. Are you sure about that? See, I put on thongs backwards – it so looks hot! You need to see it to believe it my friend. So, you have not had a whole lot of luck with CL? Can I ask you a question and get an honest answer? Well, I will do it anyway – Why am I so privilege to get your pic? You said you have not sent your pic to anyone. So, why do I deserve such special treatment?How are we coming with the second pic there my friend?
Velvet: You can stick that second pic up your ass. You were lucky enough (as you said) to get one, don’t push your luck. The other pic I have is lame. But ok. I’ll send it. I’m good like that. I’m getting a lot of responses of men who barely speak English. I don’t even write back. You seem different. I can just tell.
AngryMan: Wait. Hold on, wait just one-second – was that almost a compliment? I mean, we may have been in the same ball park of a compliment???? I may get sick here if you are nice to me. We can’t have that. Another pic would be much appreciated. Would it make you feel more comfortable if I started to write you in poor English? I can if you like. See cuz I done be good like tht and all. J/K. So, you do real estate? Commercial or residential? BTW – my name is John
Velvet: I already know your name. Your pic wish has been granted.
AngryMan: I assume your name is Diane? Thank you for the second picture. You are a very pretty woman…………..gross, no more compliments for you today 🙂 You did not answer the real estate question. Also, why is a beautiful woman like you posting and ad on CL anyway?
Velvet: Yes. Diane. I don’t know. Why is a cute boy like yourself answering ads? Real Estate – residential.
AngryMan: I don’t know. Curious I guess. Do you live alone in DC or with room mates? Do you even know how old I am?
Velvet: As long as you aren’t answering men seeking men ads. Or, are you? I live in D.C., alone. How old are you? 24?
AngryMan: I live alone in Fairfax. I love living alone. How about you? 24?????????? Do I look 24?
Velvet: No. You look 54. But I was trying to be nice. How old are you motherfucker?
AngryMan: Motherfucker???? Now is that nice or what? I am a two years older than you. So, when are you going to call me?
Velvet: I’m not. I was hoping you would say we would just meet for a drink. Talking is overrated.
AngryMan: We can meet for a drink. However, I think we should talk first.
Velvet: Why? Be spontaneous.
AngryMan: Oh I can be spontaneous. That is not an issue. However, I want to talk to you first.
Velvet: Fine. What’s your number?

He sent me his number. Let’s turn this post into a choose your own adventure. Either I’ll call him and use *67 to block my number, or, one of you lovely readers will get the number emailed to you and you’ll be able to call. Who wants to play? Come on! Don’t make me take him down alone. This could be an interactive blog. Think of the possibilities.

UPDATE:
It seems someone is hot in the pants. He sent his number. Then more emails.
AngryMan: Are you going to call or what?
Velvet: I’m at work dear. I can’t say the things I want to say to you when people are nearby
AngryMan: we won’t talk about anything bad or sexy. Just call so I can hear your voice. Chicken???
AngryMan: ummmmmm……was today just a game?
Velvet: I can’t call you. I have a dozen people around me. Honey, you are going to have to hold your horses. I’m worth the wait. Trust me.
AngryMan: I have an idea. Give me your cell phone number and I can call you. Let it go to voice mail – don’t answer it. I just want to make sure to hear your voice before we go any further.
Velvet: What’s your hurry hon? I don’t have a recording on my voicemail. I have Verizon ringback, so all you hear is music, then a beep. I have it on Jukebox, so it’s a crapshoot what song you will hear.
AngryMan: you are in real estate and you don’t have a very specific announcement? I find that hard to believe. Is this just for your amusement?
Velvet: I wouldn’t call from my work cell, nor would I give that number out. You are very tightly wound.

Come on people! I’m dying on the vine over here! Someone step up. And look how eager beaver he is right now. Guarandamnteed that if we went out tonight, he wouldn’t be emailing as much tomorrow, and it would screech to a halt.

It’s back. My “I don’t give a shit” attitude is back. I don’t know who invited it, but here it is.

I was in Michigan last weekend visiting the cutest baby in the world. Prior to jetting off for the airport, I answered that email from CL#4NewJersey. Last. Thursday. And. I. Haven’t. Heard. Back. I don’t even care anymore. The thought of him doesn’t make my heart pitter patter anymore. I know, I know, we all had hope. I sure did. What can I do?

I posted another ad on Craigslist yesterday afternoon and collected a few dozen replies. But I’m not in the mood to write anything witty or be charming.

It is a little sad to have this thing with CL#4NewJersey die out like this, after three intense and wonderful dates, but, my sister-in-law asked me an important question when I was in Michigan: “How did his last relationship end?” I dropped my jaw and said, “He told me they just drifted apart.” So, there it is.

My sister-in-law’s sister (my inspiration for getting a motorcycle) suggested I contact him again. I can’t. I cannot possibly force myself to call or write again. I cannot text under the pretense that “perhaps he didn’t get my last email.” I have to be aggressive in so many other areas of my life, that it drains me. Dating and relationships is the one place I can’t be aggressive. First, it violates my principle that if a man likes you, he will make the effort. And second, it’s just not my style. I want to be chased. I want to be pursued. I want to feel the rush of someone blowing off everything else in their life for me.

So, I guess I’ll take a little break from dating, then jump back in – probably by Monday I’ll be better.

I’ve been working on this post for a while, both in my head and here in my drafts. It’s about Marriage.

All of a sudden, I’m hearing about all these unhappy marriages. It’s crazy, but every time I get that feeling that everyone is coupled up or married, along come a dozen stories of miserable matrimony to validate my choice to be single.

I recently heard from someone who I thought was very happily married that he and his wife don’t even talk anymore, and sometimes he’s so aggravated and sick of her that he invents errands and finds himself wandering around the grocery store talking to people who work there, just so he can have non-frustrating human contact.

I also have a distant family member who was just married a year ago, already filing for divorce.

Then I heard from a friend that her sister and brother-in-law are fighting and there’s talk of divorce and who gets the baby – talk that has never occured in any of their fights before.

So, this begs the all important question ~ Are people getting married without really knowing each other or are they marrying the right person and just not trying hard enough? As the divorce rate climbs, I have to wonder what the real reason is behind the divorces.

My own feelings on marriage are this: I have never fantasized about a dream wedding. I think that fantasy clouds the underlying event – the marriage. I lived with someone for the better part of 6 years. In that time, we wavered on whether we should get married or not. I loved him dearly, more than anyone ever in my life, but his casual attitude toward money presented a problem for me. Eventually we parted ways, after deciding that we were no longer better together than apart. Our relationship lasted longer than a lot of marriages, and for us it was a clean break. No lawyers, no custody battles, no support payments. But, I know people who have those money differences, or religious or family differences, and they try to defy the odds and get married. Stupid.

Now, a pop quiz, but it only has one question:

How long does it take to really get to know someone?
a) You “just know” right away if they are the right person for you.
b) About 3 months
c) One Year
d) After your first major fight
e) Never

Ladies and gents, if you answered anything other than “E,” thank yourself for jacking up the divorce rate statistic. You never really know someone. Why? Because people are always changing. You could meet me today and have me all figured out, but time can change and warp me in some ways. If you don’t believe me, watch the true crime dramas on A&E at night. Someone always kills their spouse for one reason or another, and the friends always testify that they never knew that the problems in the marriage were any more severe than anyone else’s issues, and that they “knew Bob since he was in kindergarden and he could never kill Lucinda.”

I’m not saying that everyone’s spouse is eligible to become a murderer. But give it some thought. Haven’t you ever done something out of character that you shared with almost no one, and most people wouldn’t believe you even if you told them to their face? I’m the host of about one scandalous event a year, that no one “who knows me well” would ever believe.

I don’t know the answer to this question of marriage. I do know that the right person for me at 25 wasn’t the right person for me at 30. So if that’s true, how do I know that a (hypothetical) person I marry today will be the person I want to be with in 30 years? They say “You just know.” Do you? I don’t even know which bra I want to wear tomorrow. How can I pick out a permanent mate? And who’s to say that marriage has to be permanent? Who made all these damn rules?

What about the issue of “other people’s marriages” – what’s the answer? Are people jumping ship too soon? Or are they walking down the aisle with people they barely know? Why is everyone getting divorced? Why is everyone in such a rush to get married in the first place? Is living with someone for the rest of your life really the way to go?

A few tidbits and a funny story.

Tidbits:

• The painter called me and left me a message. So I guess my theory of paying him for services rendered didn’t stop him from calling again. Since my transaction with him was complete, I can now ignore his calls. And I did.
• Fifteen years ago from tomorrow (Friday Jan 20th) is the anniversary of my first date with my high school boyfriend and first love. Last I heard, he was still pumping gas at the same gas station, but he did manage to get married. What do I have? Years of failed relationships and…aww, forget it. Next tidbit.
• Like the worst of all reality shows, CL#3TextTormenter is baaack. He called last night, I called him today. We talked for 5 minutes and then he said he had to go but he would call me back. I said I was going out of town for the weekend, but he could try. Then he said, “Ok, so you call me.” Yeah. Sure. I’ll be doing that sometime soon.
• CL#4NewJersey and I have exchanged one email this week, initiated by yours truly. It simply mentioned the Warhol exhibit that he said he wanted to see. I sent him the link. Then he wrote back and said, “is that your way of asking me to go see it with you.” Good lord. That man used my own line on me. And it isn’t even my line! I stole it from my neighbors.

In all seriousness, I’ve lost a little of the twinge of excitement about CL#4NJ. I think it’s this painfully slow communication. I’m losing interest. In fact, I was checking a guy out today at the airport. (I’m in Michigan this weekend visiting the cutest baby in the world, who is suspiciously starting to look like me now.) Anyway, if I really liked CL#4NJ, I don’t think I would be checking someone else out. Come on CL#4!! Step up to the plate already!!! Can someone call him for me? Thanks.

******************************************************************

Funny Story:

Speed Dating is hilarious.

I signed up for a speed dating event over a month ago. The event was last week. After I signed up, I convinced three other people, one of whom convinced a fourth, to sign up. In total, there were five of us who would speed date. One by one, the other girls received confirmations, and I remained on the waiting list. Since I believe things happen for a reason, I decided to not tempt fate by emailing the organizer or switching places with one of my friends – all of whom were having buyer’s dreaded remorse.

When I wasn’t confirmed, the girls and I swirled around a bunch of conspiracy theories in emails. The first theory was that CL#4NewJersey was important enough that perhaps there was no reason to speed date. I’m a big believer in signs – not coincidences, but signs. This to me seemed a plausible explanation. Even more plausible was the fact that Sammy, little dog, love of my life, was about to endure some extensive medical tests and my mind wasn’t in the dating game. So, there.

In the spirit of support, I attended the event and sat at the bar with a few friends. Shortly after the event started, the organizer delivered to me, a man who had signed up but was also not confirmed. She said if I agreed, we could both speed date, because she needed both of us to keep the numbers even.

I probably sat with this man for an hour and a half – the entire duration of the event going on upstairs. In that time, we had several arguments brew.

He asked me where I was from. I told him Connecticut. He said, “Oh, so your parents are rich.” What the fuck does that mean? We’re not in junior high school anymore. I’m almost 33 years old. It’s entirely possible that I AM the one who is rich, and supporting my parents. Ok, it’s not true due to money being allocated to sick dogs and high heels, but still. His comment was rude, and he directed it at three other people in the group.

At another point in the conversation he was describing something about his job. I said, “Interesting,” mostly in place of saying, “uh-huh.” To that he said obnoxiously, and with a straight face, “NO IT’S NOT.” Rude. Eye rolling and head shaking accompanied the asshole things that came out of his puckering asshole mouth.

Then he asked me what kind of food I ate. I told him I’m mainly a vegetarian who eats seafood. He responded by saying, “Don’t you feel bad that fish are caught in nets and suffocated so that you can eat them? I mean, they struggle for their last breath just so they can end up on your plate.” I said, “It doesn’t really come up until someone jerk I meet in a bar forces it to come up.”

At one point near the end of this hellacious time, he said it takes a really long time to get to know people. You know what I said?

“Nope. People tell you who they are within five minutes of meeting them.”

And I think we’re done here.

I must have a little spring in my step because all of a sudden, everyone is on my ass. Hey! You in the back! Stop giggling! These things have happened to me in the last three days.

Inappropriate Ask-Out Situation #1: The Painter
A painter working in my building asked me if I needed any painting done in my house. I said that my bathroom door fell off the hinge and I just need that fixed. He offered to do it and came to my house Saturday and fixed the door while I was in pre-date warmup for my evening with CL#4NewJersey.

Velvet: Thanks so much for fixing this. What do I owe you?
Painter: Why don’t you cook me dinner?
Velvet: Uh, I don’t cook. Why don’t I just give you some money?
Painter: Don’t worry about it.
Velvet: Come on, you bought the stuff to fix this, you have to let me give you something.
Painter: Ok. Ten bucks.

Velvet thinks: Sold! To the Handyman in my apartment with the giant belly!

By the way, tonight I made a delicious Minestrone soup, and I ate it alone. It was good. Last week I made seafood pasta in sherry cream sauce. But uh, yeah. I don’t cook.

Snark aside, why did I force the money on him? This is very important, pay attention foolish women who mooch favors from men by batting eyelashes: Once I paid for services rendered with the American Dollar, he could no longer feel as if I “owed” him something, i.e. a dinner that I didn’t want to have. Never accept a free favor from a person who you don’t want anything to do with. It was tacky of him to ask me out since I basically hired him to work for me. But it would be more tacky of me to not give him anything for the work, then avoid his advances.

Inappropriate Ask-Out Situation #2: Phil Hartman Reincarnated
Walking the dogs Sunday night. A man is standing on the sidewalk about 100 feet ahead of me. He turned around, spied me coming toward him and waited. He had that “I’m lost” look on his face. And here we go.

Phil Hartman’s Ghost: Can you tell me where the Dupont Market is?
Velvet: It’s on 18th Street, make a left up here. and a right on 18th.
PHG: What about a library? A real quiet one?
Velvet: I have no idea. Are you looking for a place with internet access or a true library?
PHG (acting if I just offered him Anthrax:) Oh NOO!!! I don’t want a place with internet.(Believe me, at this point, I knew I was in trouble and was happy I had left my wallet at home.)
Velvet: I’m sorry, I don’t know. There might be one down 17th Street.
PHG: Is it quiet?
Velvet: I really couldn’t tell you. I’m not even positive it exists.
PHG: So, dinner at your place or mine?
Velvet: (uncomfortably laughing and happy we are approaching dog park. Also happy that someone in the park has already called out to me “Hey Velvet! I had a dream about you last night.” I mean, really, could that have gone ANY better for me?)
PHG: Ok, where’s the market again?

There’s a lesson to be learned here as well. I think it might be “Don’t talk to strangers,” but I’m willing to hear everyone else’s opinons.

Inappropriate Non-Ask-Out Situation #3
Enter The Bartender, stage left. I got a message from him saying that he needed to talk to someone. I called him back and he told me that he really liked this girl and he was screwing up all over the place. He couldn’t manage to give her space, and he kept calling her or something. Ok. Two things. First, clearly, I’m no better off because I really like CL#4NewJersey and I have no idea what I’m doing. Second, why the FUCK are you calling a girl you used to date for advice? I know we’re cool and all, but not that cool. That’s just a little weird. But, it gets weirder. I have to temporarily violate my rule of not talking about sex, because this is just too good.

I get a text message from the bartender asking me the following: “What date did we have sex?” Huh? I wrote back and said, “Is this a trick question?” He called me and said he thinks it was the 14th of October or whatever. Since I don’t have diary to consult, I can’t exactly confirm this.

Velvet: I’m sorry, why are you asking me this? I have no freaking idea. I don’t keep it written down anywhere.
The Bartender: Well I’m getting serious with that girl and I want to get all my ducks in a row, so I’m getting tested.
Velvet: Do you find any of your recent calls to me mildly insulting to me?
The Bartender: What? I just asked you a question.
Velvet: Yeah, and it’s ridiculous for you to be asking me for advice on another girl and even more ridiculous that you are asking me when we had sex. Christ.
The Bartender: I don’t get it.
Velvet: You know, anything you say to me is subject to end up on the blog.

Look, you just can’t make this stuff up.

The Date Update.

CL#4NewJersey called me yesterday afternoon as I was in the middle of refinancing my condo so I could pay for my purchases at Target. (“I just need to pick up one thing.”) So I told him I would call him back when I got back into D.C. He said he wanted to go to the gym, and asked if he had time. I said “Of course – go right ahead. Let’s aim for 8?” We agreed, but I called him anyway when I got back to D.C. at 6:15. I left him a message, knowing he was at the gym and said he wouldn’t pick up, and then realized by 7:30 I had not heard from him. So I walked the dogs, but I was unsure about getting ready or not. By 8:00, I was half dressed and laying on my bed doing a crossword puzzle. Then he called.

Him: “I’m downstairs.”
Me: “Holy shit! What??”

I buzzed him in, he came up, walked in without knocking (I like that, but only because I feel comfortable with him) and then he bent down to play with the dogs. Any anger I had about not getting a heads up “I’m on my way” phone call disappeared as he bent down and asked Sammy how his back was feeling. I could so fall in love with this man. Jinx. Damn!

I finished getting ready as he watched T.V. and then he said, “It’s good to know that you’re late because I’m always late.” I said, “I wouldn’t have been late if you called and told me you were on your way.” He said with a big smile on his face and in his usual wiseass manner, “Oh, so it’s my fault you’re late?” Ok ok, so we have gotten into the method of his madness a little. Communication: not his forte.

Off in search of food, we decided on this massively popular sushi place near my place. The wait was 30 minutes, so we ran out to get a drink at another bar. We then returned to the restaurant for dinner. We got a nice table, tucked away in the corner with only a few other tables nearby. Once we ordered, this hilarious conversation commenced. We talked about work, but not boring operational things. These were stories about funny things that happened to him, to me – his boss egged him on to act like a fratboy and it caused someone to file a frivolous lawsuit, I’m a witness in a sexual harassment lawsuit.

CL#4NJ: All of a sudden I just realized that everyone is listening to us.
Velvet: That’s because we’re both laughing our asses off, and very loudly.
CL#4NJ (raising his voice): I’m not loud!!!
Velvet: HA! But if they are listening to us, why isn’t anyone else laughing? These stories are gold!
CL#4NJ: I don’t care if any of them are laughing. You are, and that’s all that matters.

Even though everyone was potentially listening to us, it didn’t matter. It seemed like we were the only people in there.

At some point during this conversation, I found the courage to ask what had been bothering me all week. We were talking about how our weeks were and I said, without thinking at all about it, “Were you busy? Was that why you were slow in answering emails?” He said, “Well, two things. One, yes I was busy, two I didn’t realize I was slow in answering emails.”

Ok, so I have two things here. He doesn’t return phone calls and he doesn’t always answer emails – for the reason seeming to be that he doesn’t call back when he doesn’t think there’s anything to say. I don’t know. So he’s bad at communication. Okay.

Before we left I dared him to flick the light switch behind where he was sitting. He did it, and the lights for the restaurant went off. I’m still laughing. All right, you could say I took advantage – I knew from stories he told that he could easily be egged on to do this. I’m ruthless and conniving when it comes to my own entertainment.

After dinner we went outside into the wind, dodged a witch on a bicycle, and walked back toward my place. But then we popped into another bar for another drink. We sat at one table at the edge of the restaurant. There was an empty table next to us, so he said, “You can sit over here with me if you want.” I squeezed into the booth next to him. Then some people came in and said to the table next to us, “You didn’t save our seats!” Then all of them looked at us. CL#4NewJersey said, “Ok, we’ll slide down, but just so you know, I won’t be able to properly grope her now.” They fired back with, “You can still grope her, no problem.”

Anyway, we literally sat there with our hands all over each other, finished our drinks, then left. We went back to my place, and after about 5 minutes of talking about watching TV, we started messing around. I decided it was best to keep him overnight, you know, for observation. We are still holding back somewhat, on all the good stuff. But other than that, it was an awesome night. I don’t like to touch or be touched when I’m sleeping. I’m no cuddler. But I like it with him. It’s nice to wake up in the middle of the night and feel that he’s holding my hand.

This morning when we woke up, he was rubbing Thora’s head because she crawled up and put it on his leg. The dogs and I walked him to his car. All of this is good so far, right? If we could stop right here, everything would be wonderful. But, no. We have strange goodbye #2. He said he had a good time and all that, but then he said, “If you want to get sushi again, let me know.” Huh?

Barbara already gave me some advice, which I love. She slapped me around mom-style. Well, not my mom’s style. My mom would spout out an unfounded insult about him, based on lies, to mask her disappointment that he’s not Greek. Barbara said: “Don’t start doubting a relationship that is still alive and seemingly well.”

I’ll try.

But first, two tidbits for you all.

1) Picture it. Tonight. Velvet walking dogs through the zone of bars, hopping with people drinking on patios. Velvet in sweatpants. Hair in ponytail. Rain making hair frizzy. Velvet sees the Bartender. Bartender looks very hot. Nice. Could I have looked any worse?

2) Velvet got a text from CL#4NewJersey. What. The. Fuck. Anyway, I called him back because I’ve grown tired of the waiting game. He seemed normal, exceptionally tired, so who the hell knows. Maybe he’s just not into emailing when he’s at work. I have no idea. I hope one day I can make him feel bad for making me feel sick to my stomach this week. I’mportant parts of convo:

CL#4NJ: How was your week?
Velvet: Good, other than the Sammy thing.
CL#4NJ: Have any dates with any cute guys?
Velvet: Not since last weekend.
CL#4NJ: What are your plans for tomorrow?
Velvet: Just running some errands, unless that’s your way of asking me if I’m free. (This was a line courtesy of my wonderful neighbors.)
CL#4NJ: Yes, I’m asking you that.
Velvet: Dueling crosswords?
CL#4NJ: One crossword would probably be more romantic. So, would you like to do something tomorrow?
Velvet: I would love to.

And with that, we have our plans. We’ll see.

_____________________________________________________

Now, I’ve been tagged.

Four jobs you have had:
1) Assistant Buyer
2) Restaurant Manager
3) Victoria’s Secret Salesgirl
4) Pizza Hut Waitress

Four movies you could watch over and over:
1) Almost Famous
2) Sliding Doors
3) Arthur
4) Loverboy

Four places you’ve lived:
1) Miami
2) Atlanta
3) Scottsdale
4) Connecticut

Four TV shows you love to watch:
1) Will & Grace
2) Seinfeld
3) Simpsons
4)

Four places you’ve been on vacation:
1) Martinique (“Get me off this island!!”)
2) Rome (Sitting in the Vatican, with Pope John Paul, thinking about getting back to D.C. to have sex with what’s-his-name. Oh, shut up. If I was going to hell, believe me, it was long before this.)
3) London (Mind the gap.)
4) Paris (“That married guy with the rotting teeth is hitting on you, isn’t he?”)

Four of your favorite foods:
1) Pizza
2) Cheese
3) Apple Crostada at Maggiano’s
4) Hot Peppers (They really make everything better.)
5) Peanut Butter (I know, I had to add an extra line. Sue me. Take it away from the TV Shows category, okay??)

Four places you’d rather be right now:
1) At CL#4NewJersey’s place
2) see above
3) see above
4) see above

Four sites I visit daily:
1) Yahoo real email account
2) Yahoo fake email account
3) Yahoo Velvet email account
4) This website that I hope I never end up on. Careful if you are at work, and try not to get addicted. Uh, Thanks Jo.

Four Bloggers you are tagging:
Barbara
AUA
Rhinestone Cowgirl
Sharkbait

All right. I appreciate every comment about the CL#4NewJersey thing. I’ve said it before: When feelings are potentially brewing for me, I start screwing up. I can manage with most of the men I go out with because I end up not caring one way or the other how it turns out. Obviously, this is different. My neighbor and friend Abby asked me last night what I was going to do about answering the email to CL#4NJ and I said, “Easy. I’m going to post it on the blog and see what everyone thinks.” So thank you to all of you.

What I decided to do was a quickie email back that simply said, “Cards? I will kick your ass at cards.” That was at 3:00 Thursday afternoon. All I can do is wait and see. But I assure you that I won’t be contacting him again, via text or email. The ball has ceremoniously been lobbed into his court.

All right folks. Since Sammy appears to be on the mend, I can get back to dating for a moment.

You probably want updates on dates. Let’s start with the easy one, CL#5PornName. He emailed me the day after our date (last Wednesday) and said that he had a good time, and said I owed him a picture of my motorcycle. I obliged, and I haven’t heard anything back from him. As cute and fun as he was, he was missing a major ingredient of my wish list. A college degree. He even said something about “not needing school.” Uh, Velvet is a school loving, Valedictorian of her MBA class, woman. I love me some school. I don’t think there is a person alive who couldn’t benefit from learning some new things.

Now, we all know that CL#4NewJersey and I had a fab date on Friday that lasted until Saturday morning. What I didn’t mention after the date was that when we said goodbye, he hugged me and said, “Take care.” Not so much a fan of “take care.” I would have thought after the date we had that I would at least get, “I’ll talk to you later,” or “I’ll email you this week.” But nope. Take Care.

I didn’t think a lot of it, and I didn’t hear from him until Tuesday. He sent an email that simply said he had a great time with me, and he’s never had a “better movie night, in fact.” But then he said it ruined the rest of his weekend. Not sure how – I assume lack of sleep. So, I replied by saying that he’s old now, and perhaps he shouldn’t be partying like that anymore. I told him briefly about Sammy and the possible MRI. Then, because I’m known to sign off abruptly, I made sure to say, “I had a good time too – blush.” I left it at that. That was Tuesday afternoon that I sent it back. I heard nothing back all day.

By Wednesday around noon, I was seriously wondering if Yahoo was having issues, not because I feel like making excuses for him – believe me, I don’t. But, because I’ve had several emails go unanswered from normally responsive people. So I decided to step away from the computer entirely and try another method. Don’t laugh. I sent him a text message telling him that I did reply and am not sure what’s up with Yahoo. Then I get an email back within an hour that said he received my text, the email below his was the last he received from me (which was the right email) and sent wishes for Sammy. He ended it by saying that he is getting old and perhaps on our next date we could play cards. I haven’t written back.

All right people. What the hell is going on here? It smells of the usual tricks of the men I end up liking. I’m sure some of you will say he’s playing games, I’m sure some of you will say he’s just busy at work. I do know this: Something isn’t passing the sniff test.

I’m not a beginner in the world of dating. I don’t look for chemistry where there isn’t any. I don’t think every man is my soulmate – obviously. But despite my sometimes insecure nature, I sure as shit know when a man is into me. Our conversations were nothing short of amazing, in sync, completely screaming of two people who were totally into each other. To listen to him talk was like listening to the thoughts that run through my own head. It was weird, and surreal. I didn’t think I had him pegged wrong – but then again, I pegged BoyFace completely wrong.

Damn. I hate it when I really like someone. I hate when I could potentially see us together. This is when I start making all sorts of mistakes. Emailing and then texting the next day is bad for business. I know better than this. I must find my copy of “He’s Just Not That Into You” and read my little head off.

Thinking about going back on Craigslist to keep more in the pipeline, since CL#5PornName seems to have disappeared and CL#4NewJersey might be on his way to another woman’s house.

Apparently I was wrong. There IS going back. I went out last night and came home around midnight to find a happy, peppy little Sammy. At first he didn’t come right to the door, so I thought he was dead, but then he came out to say hi and his tail was up for the first time in days. Is it possible that all that pain medicine he was on was confusing the issue?

Anyway, the MRI was put on hold and the little guy is sleeping soundly in his bed. Thank you to everyone who has been giving words of encouragement. I need to watch him, see how he does, and decide what to do from there. The bottom line is that this spine problem, even if it is going away now, will probably manifest itself again in the future. So I’m not opposed to getting this MRI done.

Thomas – you’ve left a lot of comments that I have tried to reply to by email and you don’t seem to be getting them. I sent one last night again, let me know if you didn’t receive it and I’ll send from another email address.

I just spent $2300 at the Neurologist. Let me say that again, because I’m not sure those in the back heard. I just spent $2300 at the Neurologist.

Sammy is having an MRI tomorrow morning. I’m really into it now. There’s no going back. For the skeptics who suggested putting him down, (don’t worry, it’s not any of you supportive readers, it’s people who I share blood with,) do you get it? Does the fact that Citibank Visa is moving me to their “best customers” list as we speak, tell you that I have no intention of giving up? Good lord, if I can get my ass out there and date loser after loser, I most certainly can max out a few credit cards in the name of love for my dog.

You can tell by looking at him, he just doesn’t feel good. Well, he is still managing to check out his good looks in the mirror.

I’ve refrained from mentioning any of this, because I really can’t talk about it without sobbing uncontrollably. But, Sammy, little dog, love of my life, is very ill.

The facts:

Thursday morning he woke up and wouldn’t get out of bed. He sat up on his front paws but was staring down, as if he was still asleep. When I got him outside for a walk, he was barely moving.Half way through the walk, his back legs started to tremble. His head and tail were down the whole time. I figured he was not feeling well with the extra rawhide he got a hold of on Wednesday. But we went to the vet. They took blood and did an exam. Said nothing was abnormal. They put him on anti-inflammatory medicine and also gave me painkillers.

Friday morning, he woke up and the same thing happened. Except he really couldn’t make it through his walk. Now all 4 legs are shaking. I went back to the vet again, and they took x-rays. They said they can’t figure it out, but to keep him on the painkillers.

Saturday morning he couldn’t walk without being in pain. He tried to get me to pick him up by standing on his back legs, and he started to shreik. This is very unlike him. He doesn’t cry out in pain unless it’s bad. When I even touched his front paw, he cried. My neighbor drove us to the vet. In the car when we went over a bump he cried in pain. The x-rays don’t seem to show anything they can figure out. The vet gave us more medicine but said there was nothing more they could do. My next stop is a Neurologist. They recommended South Paws in Fairfax.

Sunday he was limping.

Today, Monday, he was on his walk and half way through his tail went down, his head went down and he started heading toward home. When I took him off the leash, he ran to the front door of my building.

Sammy is 6. He’s a corgi mix, and they seem to be prone to having back problems. He had a back problem once before due to a disc that was rubbing his spine, but he was 2 and he got through it. This seems to be getting worse by the day. I have an appointment at South Paws tomorrow at 12:30.

Can anyone help me or tell me anything about South Paws, what could be causing this problem, what the outcome might be? All anyone keeps saying to me is that he will be ok, but I’m skeptical.

Dating stops until my dog is better. The only man who matters right now is Sammy. Sorry folks.

…and got to my blog because months ago, I made a call to all on this topic. I’m still interested in setting up a league, and now that the fab white trash Rollergirls show has made it to A & E, I’m hoping TV can deliver on it’s ability to plant ideas in people’s heads. Whoever it was…email me. I’ve got a list of girls who will participate. Just gotta find a rink. I would even start a side blog about Roller Derby. I’m set.

Ready to beat some girl ass,
Velvet

My second date with CL#4NewJersey occured last night. He picked me up and we went to see Match Point at the E Street Theatre. We got tickets, then went for a couple drinks before the movie. This man just makes me smile. I don’t know what else to say…which of course is the obvious sign that I like him.

During the movie he held my hand. While it felt very natural, I was also bubbling over with excitement. Nothing felt wrong about this. I briefly thought of all the dates I have had over the past six months, since I last came to the E Street theatre with a date, and I can’t think of one who I liked enough to hold his hand. I also can’t think of one date who I would have leaned on and put my head on his arm. It’s one thing to allow a man’s affection into your territory and to accept it no matter your feelings for him. But when you move your affection into his territory, it’s another story. I couldn’t be affectionate with someone I felt nothing for, or only had half-hearted feelings for.

After the movie, we came back up to my neighborhood, parked the car and went to the infamous “Fox and Hounds.” It’s infamous because they give you a glass full of whatever alcohol you ordered, and bring the mixer, in my case it was tonic, in a bottle. You mix the drink yourself. My first drink was filled to the rim with Gin, and there was no way I was getting any of the tonic into that glass. So I had to suck down some Gin to make room for the tonic. By the end of my second glass of Gin, I was drunk. Then we left.

Since his car was double parked in our building’s driveway, I said, “Why don’t you move your car now? I bet you could get a spot easy.” Then he said, “Ma’am, are you inviting me up?” Oops. Velvet is not so subtle. I said, “Yes, but we’re not having sex.” This results him busting out in laughter and he said, “Ok.”

So we go upstairs, and he meets the pups, and then he says, “Do these guys need a walk?” I said, “I should probably do that.” So he said, “I’ll come with you.” Wow. The boy just earned major points. Ahem. Dude I adored never came with me to walk the dogs. (Stttrike!) When we went outside, we bumped into one of my neighbors holding hands with a man I last knew to be her ex-boyfriend. And she sees me and we both had this look on our face like, “Who is that guy you are with?” But we just exchanged all the introductions and left it at that.

Dogs walked, we made it back inside. I put on some Rolling Stones and we sat on the couch. Fooling around commences. This man….he’s just great. I can’t explain it, but he’s just great. By 5 a.m. he was getting ready to leave, and I heard the words, “Why don’t you just stay here?” I had to look around to see who said them, but it was none other than yours truly. Yup. Velvet who hates sharing the bed with anyone but the dogs, invited a man to stay over for sleep purposes only. What. The. Hell.

He stayed. We kept to our non-sex agreement (woo hoo!) and he left this morning. When we were waiting for the elevator, we got so busted by Abby in the hall. I could not stop laughing as I said, “Uh, this is CL#4NewJersey…we went out last night. You have so caught me.”

But, I cannot think of another man right now who I would rather be caught with.

When it rains, it fucking pours. Where are all these men coming from???

It was two years ago from this past Christmas that I called the time of death on my six year relationship with my ex. I went out on the prowl for a rebound guy and I found him. RockStar ended up being the best 3 month relationship I could have asked for. Plays in a band, hence the name. He’s probably the coolest ex-boyfriend I lay claim to in my portfolio.

A few months ago I told him about the blog. I haven’t really been in touch with him, but got an email today from him saying that he had been reading my blog and he saw a girl recently who could have been my twin. I had to respond to that with my usual snarky comment. Here we go. Edited for length only.

Velvet’s Response: Did you have sex with that girl? Was she as good as me? Doubt it.
RockStar: Just met her once, so no. The only reason I talked to her was because she looked like you. If you lived closer I bet we would still be together.
Velvet: Why do you have to live in Timonium?
RockStar: I’m moving soon, but not to D.C. Are you still a vegetarian? I have some meat for you…

And there you go. Email exchanges with RockStar are like the old “Name That Tune” in theme.
“I bet we’ll talk about sex in three exchanges.”
“I say two.”
“I will get him to talk about sex in one exchange.”

Then it moved to IM.
RockStar: Hi
Velvet: Great. Now I can’t stop thinking about you.
RockStar: I know the feeling.
Velvet: I might have to write about you.
RockStar: And piss off those 2 guys?
Velvet: They know nothing of the blog, and never will.
RockStar: I was just thinking about how good you {bleeeeeeeeeep.}
Velvet: That was very dirty. Be forewarned that anything you say is subject to end up in the blog.
RockStar: Do you miss my massive {bleep.}
Velvet: I’m having a fit over here.
RockStar: What kind of fit?
Velvet: I’m thinking. Just thinking.
RockStar: About?
Velvet: About what I’m going to let you do to me when I see you.

All right. You get the idea. At this point the conversation got extremely graphic and X-Rated. I’ll email it to anyone who asks. But I’m not posting it.

Ok, what lesson is to be learned from all this? Men see that you have other men around you and in your life, and their little subconscious kicks in. They think, “Wow, that girl has guys on her ass…she must be attractive…I should want her…Hey, I think I want that girl…Ok, I must have that girl.” They tell their friends they won you from a bunch of other suitors. They feel validated that they are still attractive. Ladies, this is the Law of Momentum. The more men you have, the more men you can get. Why stop at one?

Those fuckers at It’s Just Lunch called me today and well, we sort of had a fight. They were yelling that they going to put me on “hold” and I said something about them being incomptent and I just want to be finished with them. I used the words, “Bring on the dates.” Something tells me I won’t be hearing from them again. Good. I hope they die.

On to happier things…

CL#4NewJersey and I tossed a few emails back and forth today. I really like him. He is sharp, very witty and there’s just a little something there for me. It looks promising from my end. We’re planning to get together on Saturday. Originally he asked me to do something tonight but uh…keep reading.

CL#5PornName and I had our first date. He is so freaking adorable. How did I bomb out on Craigslist the first time and now I have two champs? Anyway, we met at a bar on U Street, talked up a storm for a couple hours, then he drove me back to my building, we hugged goodbye and that was that. No inappropriate kissing and groping, just like with CL#4NewJersey. So, I’m happy with this one as well. Might I add that I was especially charming tonight too.

But then my charm ran out. Earlier today I sucked up my guilt and called CL#1Writer. He called back when I was out with CL#5PornName. When I was walking doggies, I called him back, so I could get it over with. We made the obligatory small talk as I walked around the block. Here we go.

CL#1: So, we should get together again.
Velvet: I have to tell you something.
CL#1: Okay???
Velvet: I have given this a lot of thought, and I am not feeling the chemistry with you. I’m sorry.
CL#1: Really? (The really was said with a tone as if I had just said, “George Bush is the best President ever.” It was incredulous, like he couldn’t believe me…which leads me to wonder, Did I somehow lead him on???)
Velvet: Yes. I’m not sure why. You have everything I would be looking for in someone, but that final piece just isn’t there for me.
CL#1: Hmmph

The conversation lost pace for a few minutes. He was really quiet and he didn’t say anything at all. There were grunts and uh-huh’s and I realized that it could go on forever if I didn’t put a stop to it. So I made the move to say goodbye and it was a struggle, but I finally got off the phone with him. The curtain has fallen on CL#1Writer.

I realize that it is a blow to someone’s ego to hear those words. I don’t think CL#1Writer or any other man I use that line on should be put off by what I said. It might not be nice, it might not be politically correct, but it’s the truth. I would love for my ex to call me and tell me why he doesn’t want to be with me. I deserve the truth after almost a year of dating. But I can’t change that situation, I can’t force him to tell me. I can only do my part, and I think the people I date deserve to know.

Chemistry is elusive. We have chemistry with people who are right for us and people who are not. We have to differentiate between the two and make wise choices for ourselves. I would like to think that I have done that in this situation, with class and maturity.

I know, I know. I have some things to cover regarding the Craigslist guys.

CL#1Writer. Ok. I was lame and never returned his call from just after Christmas. I just didn’t feel like telling him I had no chemistry with him. I justified it with the following information which I left out of prior posts.

The first night I went to his apartment for just a glass of wine, we both knew we were squeezing it in early in the evening as I had dinner plans with BestGuyFriend-M who happens to live in the same building. Once CL#1Writer realized BestGuyFriend-M would be picking me up directly from his house, and that he wouldn’t get to say goodbye to me alone, he forced an opportunity to jam his tongue in my mouth at the most inappropriate point in the conversation. I didn’t like that he forced a kiss so soon into our meeting, but what I didn’t like more was his fingertips tracing the V in my V-neck sweater and then grazing across my tits. Not cool.

On our second date, he wanted to meet the dogs. Why I didn’t say, “I’m tired, can we call it a night” is so beyond me. I have this stupid need to be nice to people and I have to remember that I’m not in the business of being nice. (Those in the back can stop snickering now.) So when he was in my apartment, he was kissing me and his damn octopus hands were all over me. Up the back of my sweater, on top of my sweater on the girls again. Come on dude, you clearly see that I’m barely reciprocating in this kiss, why the fuck are you trying to get me in bed? Ugh.

Anyway, the whole behavior bothered me but I couldn’t really put it into words right away. So, here it is. I didn’t feel guilty about not calling him back because I think he just wanted to nail me. But now, I have a small problem. He called again as I was having dinner with my girls. Now what. I really should call him back.

Regarding CL#2BlueEyes, we’ve played phone tag, it’s his turn, and I haven’t heard squat. I’m prepared to let it go if I don’t hear from him. Too bad. He was very hot.

CL#3TextTormenter. I put the rope around the neck of this, whatever it was, all by myself. (Well, his attitude helped.) He got back to town after Christmas and oh so wanted to see me. We had the day of annoying communication that I wrote about in the blog. I won’t link to it because it’s not worth reading and I feel like an egomaniac linking to myself. But I was supposed to go meet him at a bar, I bailed, took a nap, posted another Craigslist ad, got 55 replies, didn’t feel like doing anything other than writing back to those men, called CL#3TextTormenter and said I was sorry and he was still out drinking like 11 hours later. I really don’t need someone like that in my life. I hate drunks and I hate attitude. He was/had both of those things (slander slander slander) and it isn’t worth my time for someone I am not apparently attracted to. He emailed me today but it died out when I stopped writing back. He also texted yesterday but I didn’t answer. I’m very bad at tying up loose ends, but I need to tell both of those guys that I’m not interested. They don’t get a hint and just because they would blow me off if they didn’t like me, doesn’t mean I should do it to them. See? There’s New Year’s Resolution 2003 rearing it’s head on me.

The new Craigslist ad yielded a bunch of other men, but only two have risen to the top of the heap. Now we have CL#4NewJersey and CL#5PornName.

CL#4NewJersey and I have already gone out. I had to squeeze another man in before the end of 2005 so I could keep up with Jamy. Ok, just kidding. The honest, honest, honest truth was that he asked me to go to a movie last Friday and my hair looked good so I decided to be spontaneous and just go. We met at Dupont Circle and saw Capote. He looks like Ryan Seacrest to me. So, yes, he’s hot. He has a good job and a masters degree. And he’s from New Jersey. Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding.

For some reason, when someone is from the New York Metropolitan area, I am seriously sucked in. Something appeals to me about the idea of dating someone who grew up in the same atmosphere, who understands why Frank Sinatra sang “I want to wake up in a city that never sleeps,” who knows which two towns the George Washington Bridge connect. I don’t know why I have this extra affection toward my fellow New Yorkers, but I do. I noticed that both CL#1Writer and CL#3 TextTormenter both grew up “out west” and that’s just something I can’t relate to. I guess it’s stupid because we are all technically Americans, but, it’s me and I can’t change it.

CL#5PornName and I are meeting on Wednesday. You all know I use an alias name that is basically a porn star sounding name, crafted from an old friend’s last name and a basic first name to make both names start with the same first letter. I foolishly wrote it in the blog at one point, forgetting that my Craigslist lovers can Google it and end up on my blog. It’s been deleted and seems to be gone out of Google, finally. Everyone knows that the real way to craft a porn star name is by taking your middle name and the street you grew up on. Mine ends up being stupid because I don’t have a middle name, only an initial. Why am I going on and on about this?

CL#5PornName told me his email name was his porn name and then told me his real name. I could not stop laughing and told him that my fake email is my porn name too. It’s a match made in, well, porn heaven. He sounds incredibly fun, but he’s a few years younger than me. Not sure how I feel about that, but we’ll see.

P.S. I think I might like CL#4NewJersey. I had a bunch of emails today and I giggled and opened the one from him first. Uh oh. I don’t giggle, and I don’t pick and choose email from my inbox. I open in order. Hmmph.

I may suck at dating, but I do make some really great resolutions. I hate that crap of “Lose 10 pounds” or some other ridiculous statement that I may or may not ever attain. I decided to make more thoughtful resolutions and put them into practice, not just for the year, but for my life.

That being said, two of my past resolutions were:

2003: To not treat someone a certain way just because they treated me that way. For example, just because someone is a total asshole to me, doesn’t mean I should reciprocate. Instead, I should continue to be myself and hold myself to the same (hopefully high) standard.

2004: Be the Bigger Person. Sometimes this is exhausting, but, I still do my best to overlook other people’s faults and just suck up my pride.

2005: I attempted to really perfect the above resolutions, by focusing on both for another year.

I know, you are expecting me to make a dating related resolution. But, ha! I’m not going to do that. Besides, what kind of resolution would I make? Date 30 men and top the 25 from last year? That’s not helpful, nor is it conducive to the true end goal of finding a meaningful, lasting relationship.

And the unveiling of the 2006 resolution:

Discard any selfish people who so obviously have their own agenda’s (friends and/or family) out of my life. I no longer have time to participate in one-sided relationships.

You’ll all be so proud. I’ve already put it into practice. I know that it seems to conflict with my earlier resolutions. But try to view them in order. I tried first to treat people right, but obviously I could only take so much of that, so I had to resolve to be the bigger person in all scenarios that I can’t control. Now I’m allowing myself the ability to just stop talking to people entirely. This might not be the best way to handle things, but I feel that there are some people who have had more than their share of chances. It’s not like there’s one disagreement and I bail out of the relationship. I’m talking about unproductive selfish relationships that have manifested themselves over a period of years, not days.

I’m giddy with excitement. Happy New Year!

I can’t take credit for this idea. One of my favorite bloggers utilized this end of year wrap up in her blog last year.

January – Started the new year off right. The morning of January 1, I left a guy’s house who I was sort of dating for almost a year, and despite how badly I wanted this to work, , we never saw each other again in a romantic setting. If we count him, he’s #1 in the lineup of men. Bought my condo in D.C. and prepared to finish the last days of life in the burbs (Rockville.)

February – Finally resigned from the hell that was my last job. One would think that things like discrimination and sexual harassment wouldn’t occur at one of the top five Nationally Ranked Homebuilders, but they did. And they went uncorrected, unresolved and unpunished. So I left. How dare anyone breathe the words “A woman should never make that much money.” Then I met Date #2 in 2005 Vicodin Stealing Derek, got ill, then became iller.

March – Couldn’t fight illness, coined “Satan’s Death Flu” by friends. Crawled to the ER and passed out on the floor. Finally recovered mid-month, but never recovered from fainting spells. Started new job with my fab boss who took me with him from hellacious homebuilder.

April – Moved into condo in D.C. after 3 ridiculous months prodding contractor to do some work. Went on one awful date with RestonDork (#3 date of 2005.) Also one date with Greek George (#4 of 2005.) Learned valuable lesson: The bigger the man, the smaller the…Damn it. Sorry, this is a dating blog, not a sex blog.

May – Went to London and Paris. Started seeing Mike (40 years old and going on 15.) Date #5 of 2005. We did see each other for a couple months.

June – Had some bad It’s Just Lunch dates which prompted me to give birth to this Blog. I went out with a IJLHater (Date #6) and a StanderUpper (Date #7.)

July – Met, got sucked into, and spit out of vortex called BoyFace (#8). Also dated HornyHungarian (Date #9.) More It’s Just Lunch dates included IJLLawyer (#10,) GreekFreak (#11) and DoubleDutch (#12.) Took motorcycle lessons. Bought Motorcycle. Met MotorcycleInstructor.

August – Dated MotorcycleInstructor. He would be #13. Also squeezed in a couple dates with the the first of the unnamed men, “R” (#14.) More It’s Just Lunch dates, HarleyRider (#15) and EmailBuddy (#16.)

September – Went out with the GreekWonder (#17.) Cutest baby in the world born on 24th. Became caught in the grip of lies created by MotorcycleInstructor.

October – Visited cutest baby in the world in Michigan. Met Bartender at Blogger Happy Hour, briefly dated. (He’s #18.) Got Death Flu again.

November – Who can forget Bell’s Palsy? Went out with Steve1 (#19) from online and Date Eight (#20 of the lineup) from It’s Just Lunch. Reconsidered using real names as part of my blog. Still reconsidering.

December – It’s Just Lunch sent me out with Date#9LowTalker (#21) and I went out with my personal trainer (#22) as well as CL#1Writer (#23,) CL#3TextTormenter (#24,) and CL#4NewJersey (#25.) He’s new. You will hear about him in an upcoming post.

I find it sad that I dated men with names that never overlapped with the exception of Mike. I dated 5 Mike’s this year, four of whom are disguised with other names. I dated 25 men in total for 2005. In any case, the score is as follows:

Velvet: 0
Potential Dating Pool: -25

Yes, it’s very sad to see the figures in the red, but there they stand. I was/am clearly in love with U-Street Metro. I felt like BoyFace could be the U-Street Metro replacement until I found out what a liar he was. I think that shook my faith in men and this thing we call dating. I know that there really are guys out there who are right for me, but it makes it hard to believe after the year I’ve had. Still, I plan to continue on, meeting, greeting, dating and hopefully mating in the future. I will bring the news to you, my lovely readers, as it occurs.

Here’s to hoping the dating news in 2006 will be brighter! Cheers!