Velvet in Dupont 21 Oct 2005 2:18 pm
Since the big drive out to Michigan and back, I’ve had a lot of “deep thoughts” that occured to me both on my drive and while at my brother’s house. These thoughts are related to, of course, dating and relationships and why I am still single.
First and foremost, while I understand that relationships and ultimately marriage are about compromise, I don’t feel that I’m ready to make basic compromises in what I want or to lower my standards in any way. What I mean is that, I know who “he” is. I know everything about him. I just haven’t met him yet. But when I do, I will know after an hour. Similarly, I will know if he’s not right after a few minutes. As I stated earlier, my benchmark and the man who came closest to perfection brought my dating and to a new level and set a whole new standard for men who I want in my life. The only issue with him was that while he set a new standard, he didn’t really see inside my soul.
I reconsidered for a couple minutes what happened with MotorcycleInstructor. I initially said to a friend, “Had he just told me that he had a kid, I would have been fine with it. It wasn’t like he had a dozen kids with a bunch of different mothers.” But now in rethinking that, I say no. NO. I will not lower my standards. I do not want someone else’s kids in my life, and dating a man whether he has one or more children ensures me one thing - I will never be number one in his life. And I deserve that, if only for a fleeting time.
Expanding on “knowing who he is,” I would like to make one point. In none of these “perfect men” scenarios I play out in my head do I foresee wanting to stay with someone forever. In the beginning of any flirtation/dating, the man is always interesting to me. But he usually loses that interesting quality, sometimes in minutes, sometimes in months, and then I lose interest myself. And how could I possibly know that I would want to be with the same person in 30 years? People who want to be married and have kids, who view that as the “ultimate goal” are an anomaly to me. I cannot understand how anyone could want something they have never had and have no first hand knowledge of. Put another, simplier way, imagine you never ate a piece of chocolate. Could you then crave chocolate, seeking it as the be-all-end-all sweet? Could you really even know what you are missing? That’s how I feel about marriage. But many women still say dreamily that all they want is the “fairy tale.” How can they really know that? Are people just wanting something because they have created the fairy tale version in their head - a version that mirrors reality only a little.
At times, it might seem like I’m tearing through the men at an unreasonably quick pace. But, dating is a numbers game and don’t let anyone tell you anything different. The more men I meet and date, the better my chances at finding someone worthy. My boss, with another of his Land Acquisition mottos says, “Make it a goal to find one new deal a week. Some work, some don’t. But this way you ensure an overall, long term success.” This applies to dating as well. If I met/dated one new man a week, after a year I would have had mostly insignificant encounters. But, I would also have had some pretty significant men enter (and possibly stay in) my life. It’s something to think about, and it’s my reasoning for this madness with the internet, going out, and generally being open to any sort of encounter no matter how irrelevant it seems.