Month: August 2005

I PASSED MY MOTORCYCLE TEST TODAY! I HAVE A LICENSE. Of course I don’t have a fucking clue what I’m going to do with it, but I still have it.

Ok. Not a lot to tell just yet. MotorcycleInstructor came over last night. I met him at the DMV this morning for the test and he seemed cranky. He left after I passed the road test and went back inside to get my license reprinted with the motorcycle endorsement. When I got back to my car, he had called a few times. I checked my voicemail and he left a “congratulations / call me when you get this” message. So I call him, and we proceed to have a 30 minute conversation. Um. What?? I haven’t talked to him for this long since the first week we got together. He didn’t click over, he didn’t say he had to call me back because he had to take another call. Is it possible that he senses (based on my numerous comments) that since the test is over I don’t need him anymore? Is this a psychological game we’re playing? Ha ha. Bring it on. I think I’ve proven that I am pretty good at these, even when playing alone.

News. I resisted the temptation and MotorcycleInstructor ended up calling me around 10:30 while I was watching the end of the movie, Gia. I finally just put the cards on the table because he asked when he was going to be off the shit list. Here’s what I said. Tell me it was good because Sara already gave me the thumbs up.

I said “You seem to be slacking off in your attention to me. I was fully prepared to forgive you for bailing on Thursday and start over on Friday night. But what happens, you call me Saturday morning and put me on hold and never click back over? You just aren’t showing me that you are interested in me anymore because three weeks ago you never would be doing this. You would just call me back until you got me on the phone.” Silence for a second. Then he says, “You’re right. I need to step up my game a little.” I said, “Ok, and if you want to stop and you aren’t interested in going forward, just say something. But this is crazy. You don’t act anymore like someone who likes me. Shit, I used to get 100 text messages a day from you.” So he says, “I do, and I am definitely interested in you. And you are totally right and I’m going to make it right this week. I think about you I don’t know how many times a day and you have me on the text messages because you’re right. I used to do that.” I said, “I know that you very well may have had stuff that came up, and you may think about me all day, but you have to know that you are like the 1000th man who has said that to me, so I just don’t believe it unless you show me.” He agreed, and again restated his intent to step it up this week. So that was the extent of that conversation. We’ll see what happens I guess.

I am sitting here waiting for Sara to call me back, but I think she’s “busy.” We just had the most hilarious conversation. She is at her bf’s house and he went outside and she said, “When you like someone and you want to show them that you’re a sexual person and you are attracted to them, what would you do?” I was wondering if this was a trick question. I said, “Uh, I would fuck him.” She goes, “No, I get that, but I want to do this with him.” I said, “You have already had sex with him though. I think he knows that you like having sex with him.” She said, “Noooooo…I don’t look sexy now. I have my glasses on. I need to be sexy when he comes back up here.” Here was my million dollar suggestion…get a shirt from his closet, a button down, put that on, nothing else, hair in a bun, glasses. Dirrrrrrty. She was giggling and tearing through his closet, got herself situated and was about to say something when she went, “Uh oh,” at which point I heard her hang up on me and toss the phone. I think it’s safe to say she’s getting some loving right now.

Earlier tonight I bored her to tears with stories of my ex-boyfriends, crap they did to me and how I exacted my revenge. There really shouldn’t be any shock over the BoyFace thing. I have done some really vengeful things to my exes.

1: MafiaWannabe – high school flame who dumped me for some WASPY chick. Found out a year later that he was going to dump her after the prom. I told her. She dumped him, found another date and MafiaWannabe went to the prom alone, waiting in the limo while everyone else had a great time. As if that wasn’t enough…he walked in to our 5 year reunion and I said, “Ladies, I have some unfinished business that just walked through the door.” I don’t know how it happened, but MaviaWannabe became enamored with me and drove from Boston one night a few weeks later to find me at a bar in Connecticut, where I promptly dumped him in front of a bunch of people.

2: AlwaysDrunk – the fucker I fell in love with. Yes, I know he might have the herps as per my prior post. But, consider this. After he dumped me, I made out with his brother. Who has the last laugh now?

3: TheCop – Crazy crazy crazy. Got mugged in Miami. The police force in Connecticut put him under “investigation” for allegedly trying to sell his badge for drugs. He called me crying like a baby to testify on his behalf that he got mugged and wasn’t trying to buy drugs. I said no. Please, bitch!

I’ll try to think of more revenge stories later. But damn it, the man who crosses me really gets burned. Note to my future ex-boyfriends….

Friday night MotorcycleInstructor did call. But then he told me he had to answer the other line and he would call me right back. “Right back” ended up being 20 minutes, and I was already at the movies and no longer picking up my phone. I did call back when the movie let out, but he didn’t pick up and didn’t call back until Saturday morning…at which point he put me on hold after about 3 minutes of talking and left me on hold for 2 minutes. That was my breaking point, and I hung up. End of story. Well, the end of the story will hopefully be Tuesday morning. I suppose I will call him later or tomorrow just to firm up for Tuesday for my license appointment.

Sara and I went to the beach overnight this past weekend. DamascusBoy was texting me this morning like a maniac. This man is very attentive. So, I’m on to another one.

On the way out and the way back to Rehoboth, Sara read “The Washingtonienne” out loud. It’s funny how many of us have such similar dating sagas. Well, except for the fact that she nailed everyone she laid eyes on. But every man she encounters is just another dickwad looking to get laid. She just happens to accommodate them. But she makes a few excellent points along the way of her saga. I can’t think of them right now, but I’m sure I will later.

I’ve also read some of the other dating sites out there. They are hilarious. There really are a lot of freaks out there. Christ.

MotorcycleInstructor called when I was at PotBelly eating lunch with Stacy. Here it is.

MotorcycleInstructor: Hello Velvet (he calls me by my name, but in my attempt to stay anon..)
Me: Hi
MI: How are you Velvet? (why all this name calling?)
Me: I’m good MotorcycleInstructor. You’re in my doghouse though.
MI: Well go ahead. Let me have it.
Me: No. I’m past all of that.
MI: Where are you?
Me: Eating lunch.
MI: Where?
Me: Downtown.
MI: I’m not working. I could meet you at your house.
Me: You know, I really figured I would just tell you that I will meet you on Tuesday and we can be done with this whole thing.
MI: Well, we are always going to be friends.
Me: Yeah? My friends call me when they say they are going to.
MI: I told you…
Me: I need to go. I’m still pretty mad and I’m just going to say something I will regret.
MI: Ok. I’ll call you later.
Me: Ok. Bye.

I woke up to two text messages this morning at 7:30. The first one, sent by DamascusBoy at 6:30, said “Oh, I’m thinking about you already.” Very sweet. The other was from MotorcycleInstructor, and it launched into a text message war. I’ll just put it in the form of a conversation:

His message: Sorry about last night. At hospital until 3 a.m. Buddy had bike mishap. He’s fine, no broken bones just sore and road rash. Going in class.
Me: Bullshit. You could have called.
Him: Are you serious
Me: Sure as shit I’m serious.
Him: Come on.
Me: I’m done playing games with you.
Him: I’m not playing. I’ll call you later.
Me: I won’t hold my breath waiting on that call…
Him: Baby, please, I’m tired. Up late.

I didn’t answer after that. The funny thing is that I decided last night that I should be nice until after Tuesday morning when I take the test because I still need him to show up with the bike so I can get my license. But, I’m too much of a bitch to do that. Obviously.

Well well well. GUESS who made plans with me, who called me all day long to confirm said plans, then said he would call me later after he ran some errands and I went to the gym? Yup. MotorcycleInstructor. And it’s now 10:53, and here I sit, home, alone, on my night of “plans” with MotorcycleInstructor. Safe to say, this is over. Or it will be the next time I talk to him. Keep in mind that my test is Tuesday morning and then once I pass, I will officially have no use for him anymore. It would benefit me to wait to have this conversation with him until after, but I probably can’t. The next time he calls, it’s over. Besides, I can’t take this crap when I have other men waiting in the wings!

As it turns out, I spent two hours on the phone with DamascusBoy tonight. He’s “threatening” to come out to the beach this weekend to find me. Hmm. Don’t worry Sara, it’s still a girls weekend, I promise.

All right, back to my dog and the T.V. Gotta see if there are any new developments in all these missing persons cases. I think there are more people missing than accounted for.

By the way, those Thyroid tests came back normal. So the doctor says I’m normal, other than the fact that I don’t feel normal. I’m constantly sick to my stomach and still have varying degrees of dizziness and feeling faint. Let’s not forget the crushing pains in my chest that honestly make me feel death is imminent. The doctor told me to wait two weeks and if I don’t feel better to call him back. I told my friend SarcasticGayMan today in an email that so much of modern medicine is the medical version of the IT desk’s “shut down and reboot.” They don’t really know what’s wrong, can’t fix it per se, but hope that by starting over again, you will be normal this time.

Those of us reading my blog know that I’m ANYTHING but normal…

I went to the lot to practice riding again. MotorcycleInstructor and I got there at the same time, and the other girl there to practice showed up a few minutes after. He’s playing it cool I think. During the few minutes we had to talk, he said he would see me later on tonight. (Psst, it’s 11:00 and he’s not here right now, so, wanna guess where this is going?) Anyway, I told him I had some things to do anyway (uh, my “It’s Just Lunch” date) and we could meet up later, but to not call me at midnight. He said he had some stuff to do too. I said, “What might you be up to?” And he shows me his left hand and says, “I don’t see a ring there, do you? I don’t have to tell you.” Jesus. Did we just switch places in this thing?

Then, at 7, I had my date in Cleveland Park. We established early on that he’s a smoker, and that’s a deal breaker for me, so we can’t date. He’s also 29, which might be too young for me, but he seems mature enough and he has an incredible personality. We spend a couple hours trading dating sagas, It’s Just Lunch complaints, and part ways. I emailed him the Evite to the bash I’m having on the 10th. And that’s that.

On my way out of the metro, I call MotorcycleInstructor. He says, “It’s late, I know.” I’m as sweet as I can possibly be, because Abby told me that I’ve been a bitch. He says he still has to drop a bike off at his friends or something and blah blah blah he’ll call me later. That was 2 hours ago. Ok.

Scorecard:
1) MotorcycleInstructor: evaporating quickly
2) DamascusBoy: Putting on sneakers, about to get in the race
3) Guy from Greek website: Buying sneakers, getting ready to stretch. We’ll go out next week. The GreekWonder.
4) Jeff from match.com who was in Bolivia: Still in Bolivia, re-established contact, will possibly connect when he gets back to DC.

Check today’s edition. We’re at the bottom. How awesome.

More news will come later. I still have an afternoon of motorcycle practice with MotorcycleInstructor and an evening “It’s Just Lunch” date to endure.

I’m in the crappiest mood today. I don’t know why. I’m using this Thyroid as a passport to sleep my life away. I slept until 1:00 today, then moved from the bed, to the couch, back to the bed now at 4:00. At some point I’m planning to get to the gym. Don’t know when.

This guy from Maryland who we’ll call DamascusBoy is back on the prowl again. We have made tentative plans to go out. I had told him I was “seeing someone” and so he sends me a text message asking if I’m “seeing someone” then why am I on match? It’s a good question. I said “Until there’s a ring on my finger, I have no reason to take myself out of the game.” So he calls me. Now the history here is that we met about 2 years ago, and have never been on the same page at the same time. Either he had a girlfriend or I had a boyfriend or, whatever. Anyway, while we’re talking, MotorcycleInstructor calls. WTF?

So I get rid of DamascusBoy to talk to MotorcycleInstructor. He said he’s been “busy” but really has no reason why he’s disappeared other than to say, “Well, now you know how it feels.” Touche. Anyway, tomorrow I’m going to get some practice on the bike since I’m out of town this weekend. Sara and I are going to the beach.

Then I call DamascusBoy back. Somehow we got from a normal conversation to the status of us and why we have never dated in these past two years. I asked him a question about my tattoo and can I bleed my last name into the existing tattoo. So we’re talking about that and he says that he’ll have to see it. Of course. I wouldn’t have assumed otherwise.

Somehow, after this, we get into the craziest conversation back and forth where he says “We should just get married.” So I said, “Fine, let’s see the ring.” Then he’s saying “Can we go on our honeymoon in Hawaii?” I said that was fine. Then I ask where we will live. He says, “Your place on the weekend and mine during the week.” I agree again. Then he asks “Kids?” I said “No kids.” There was his deal breaker. Oh well. I tried. My dating experiences are getting faster and faster. I’ve basically got it down to where I don’t even have to go out with them anymore. It starts and ends in 25 minutes.

We agreed to start off with a date at the tattoo parlor first, then try to take it from there.

DamascusBoy, from what I know of him, is a genuinely good person. He’s not a player or a cheater. He didn’t even want to be involved with me when I told him about MotorcycleInstructor a few weeks ago. (Ok, so what he doesn’t know at this point won’t hurt him.) The truth about MotorcycleInstructor is that it won’t, and can’t possibly last much longer. These games wear me out, playing them and being played. But, I don’t really want to date one person at a time. I’m too old for that crap. Time is not on my side anymore. So I’ll balance and juggle until I figure it out. Some may argue that I’m not giving anyone enough attention but, I think this will work better for me anyway.

By the way, I’m working on another guy. I met him on some local Greek networking site. We’re planning to get together for drinks. I’ll let you know how that one goes. Wish me luck.

Dear Sammy:

I am in love with you. You are the only man for me. I love how you are always so excited to see me. I love sharing my bed with you. I love your soft little snore, your eyes that are so filled with love and the way you scratch your itchy skin like a little nerd. You are the love of my life. Thanks for being the one to see me through all these bad dates and loser boyfriends.

Love,
Mommy

Annoying phone tag all weekend with MotorcycleInstructor. Who knows what’s going on. I certainly don’t. I was totally entrenched in this game, then, I realized I might be playing alone. Oh well. I’m back on the prowl anyway once again. I’m on Yahoo and Match. We’ll see what I come up with this week. Ha ha.

He called tonight and we really had test of wills going back and forth. I told him he was nagging me and he said I need to learn how to talk to him and then he said something like, “You so obviously have not had a man in a long time.” (Duh, we all read about it in the Washington Post, didn’t we?) Anyway, he was on my ass about not calling him last night in the midst of the Dana-birthday-celebration and I told him I was drinking and he probably would not have wanted to be there anyway. He said he worries about me because I’m his “baby.” I told him to not back me into a corner with his requests. (Ha ha, get it? No one puts baby in a corner? Oh forget it.) I’m not faring so well in this game, that’s for sure. I’m not ready to be swallowed into a “we” status, and he seems headed there. I do like my freedom.

Scorecard: Potentially zero. Will know more tomorrow.

Um. I’m uh, at a loss. Here’s where we’re at.

Thursday I ignored MotorcycleInstructor’s call. Then Friday morning he called a couple times, but I called back too late for his lunch invitation. So I went to the doctor to find out my thyroid is all nutty, and he asked me to call him when I left the doctor. I call, tell him what they think, then my boss called and I said I had to click over. I called back after, but never heard back from him all night. I also sent a text message later on in the evening. Ok. Point taken. Guess I’m not the only one who can play games. BUT, I AM the only one in this “relationship” who is Greek, and that allows me the ability to be stubborn and tough as nails. Katalavenis? (It’s “understand?” in Greek. Duh.)

This morning he called, and since I stared at it but didn’t actually answer it, he had to leave a voicemail. He said “Babe! Where have you been? I haven’t heard from you, call me back.” WTF? WTF? WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!? I call back and we start to get into a pissing match about who called who. When I put him on the spot, he develops a stomach cramp and puts me on hold. A STOMACH CRAMP? That’s the fucking best you can do? Christ. It would have been more believable if he said he was being mugged and they were stealing his phone. Or like in Pee Wee Herman when he calls home and the girl says “Maybe when you come back we can go out?” And he blows all this air into the phone and says they have a bad connection. Now, that would have been funnier.

Then he has to load the bikes in the truck, so he says he’ll call back in 5 minutes. I said, “Yeah, we’ll see.” He promised he would. Do you know how many times 5 minutes passed? 12. A full hour. Then I sent a text message, fuming at this point that said “Five Minutes my ass. You are treading on thin ice.” He wrote back and said, “Maybe.” I’m done playing games. Back on the personals. Gotta find more dirt for the blog.

They really only survive in my world for like, 2 weeks, don’t they? Again, all of this should have occured AFTER I GOT MY MOTORCYCLE LICENSE.

Now, last night was positively crazy. I had more alcohol in the evening than I ever have before. Sara and I were counting how much we drank, and we lost count. I think I had 7 or 8 beers. I never drink that much. I’ve also never said the words “I never drink so much” as many times as I have in the past few weeks. I think there’s more drinking tonight for Dana’s birthday. Happy Birthday Dana!

I had a very long conversation about MotorcycleInstructor last night and again today. Last night, Helen gave me some great advice about men and love in general, then I went to bed and read more in The Art of Seduction, then today I talked to my therapist for almost an hour. Here are my thoughts:

Helen said that whatever tone a relationship has in the beginning is the tone that is set for the duration. If MotorcycleInstructor is chasing me now, let him continue to be the pursuer. So I said, “Ok, so like, if he calls I shouldn’t pick up tonight and just let him wonder where I am?” She said that was the right idea – to not be too available. Ok. Got it.

Then I read more in The Art of Seduction – a fabulous book. I am almost at the end and while most of the book pertains to winning people over, the last few chapters are about the actual act of seduction. The most important thing I learned is exactly what Helen had just told me. Men want to be the pursuer. They see it as a challenge. They think if they have to try hard to obtain you, then you are truly worth having. (Duh.) The interesting caveat to this is when they slack off in their pursuit, usually the woman steps it up and then become the pursuer. This is unattractive to the male and he backs off at this point in time. I am so loving this idea right now. Of course this is a stupid game, but I think about it like this. When some pursues me, I end up reciprocating the feeling if I like them. And I want to show that they don’t have to do all the calling, planning of dates etc. Apparently this reciprocal behavior is incorrect. I ignored MotorcycleInstructor’s call last night and decided to play this one a little smarter.

So therapist today. I tell her what I’m up to, including the above stuff about reciprocation, not being available all the time, not always having good answers for where I’ve been (“I had lunch with a friend.”) She said that it seems like I have been played by a bunch of men and now I’m going to get them back. Funny. It might be a game, but damn it is it fun. She also said that it’s not my style to play games like this or pretend I’m not interested. Again, it’s a good experiment.

This morning MotorcycleInstructor called again and left another message, but I was out walking Sammy (the love of my life) and didn’t take the phone. I called back, but then he said he was sick and he would call me later, which he did, a few times. Then he called me at 8 and I was at the gym and didn’t take my phone. I called back and then he said he would call me later on tonight. Should I ignore it again? I’m killing myself right now. I’m going to make him crazy. Again, it goes without saying that all of this should be occurring AFTER I get my motorcycle license. Too late.

So sorry I didn’t update yesterday. A friend called me this morning to see if I was ok, since there was no blog update. So sorry to all my fans. I’ll try to never do it again.

Ok, here we go. R called yesterday. I sent him to voicemail. Then called back and got voicemail, woo hoo! So I left a message. Then he called back and I sent him to voicemail again because I didn’t know what to say. Last night MotorcycleInstructor came over and I just didn’t feel like dealing with the R thing.

MotorcycleInstructor left this morning, but not before he took his glass of tea and the chips he was eating back to the kitchen. I found the glass in the sink, the chips rolled up on the counter and my jaw on the floor. I’ve never had a man try that hard. Usually I spend 15 minutes cleaning up after them. So, ok, he’s doing quite well.

Email this morning from R asking real estate questions, but then says this: “Anyway, that’s neither here nor there. What I really want to know is when can I meet Sammy?” So I write back an atrociously long email answering his questions about the real estate thing, then I say this: “Now, regarding Sammy, who is shedding all over my house as we speak. I was going to call you back last night but I didn’t feel well (still feeling faint and dizzy) because this is something I would have much rather told you over the phone. I have been dating someone that just kicked into the next step and we decided on Sunday that we’re going to stop dating other people. I’m of course taking all this day by day. I’ve been single a loooooooong time.”

Then I get this back from him:

Hey,
Thanks for the advice, and good luck with the someone. My status has also been iffy of late, so I suppose this makes things simpler. But do stay in touch–I’m happy to know you in any capacity. Really.
R

That’s pretty nice, don’t you think? I was impressed.

Scorecard:
Uh, zero. Well, one. I have MotorcycleInstructor. Everyone else seems to have gone away. HarleyRider hasn’t called. The other guy from the hotel bar hasn’t called. R’s now out of the picture and the other Jeff from Match.com I was emailing seems to have been eaten by wolves in Bolivia or wherever his job sent him for these past few weeks. But you know what? I’m ok with this. I like the attention I’m getting (it’s a lot of attention) and I’m content. For the moment.

MotorcycleInstructor came over last night. Hee hee hee. Actually, we had plans to get together last night, but the night got away from both of us (dinner and drinks with BestGuyFriend-M, Blondie & Boston for me, meeting for him.) So it’s 9:00 and we’re talking about getting together but he has to be at BWI (Baltimore Airport for those of you not in the know on the local crap) at 11:00 to pick up his friend. He’s in Takoma Park and he says he’s thinking about how he can come see me to just say hi and give me a few kisses before he has to go. I’m “very busy” at this point watching all my old 80’s heavy metal hair band videos searching for evidence of motorcycles that I can get ideas from.

He came to me, needless to say. I’m so lazy. We were laying on my bed and he was kissing my neck, but I was looking up at the TV, and he caught me! (“Baaaaaby, it’s Great White!”) He was like, “I can’t believe that I came all the way here for you to keep your eyes on the TV.” Sigh, I know.

Today we talked and he mentioned he hired some guy to help him do the classes on the weekends. I asked if he was hot. It’s a normal question. The answer I got was this: “Are you trying to get yourself punched in the nose?” I said, “Hey, you never said I couldn’t date other people.” He said he was going to remember that. I’m sure he will.

The past few days of 80’s heavy metal videos revisited will be evident in my titles for days to come. Enjoy!

It’s come to my attention via the comments that there are possibly some readers of this blog who stumbled across me by accident, and who are not known to me. This is FABULOUS! I am very excited, but can one of the anonymous posters let me know how they found me? I’m dying to know.

On to my life: Uh oh.

I’ve resolved to stop with the games and just let myself be swallowed into the whirlwind that is MotorcycleInstructor. So this morning, while he’s teaching about a dozen people how to maneuver their motorcycles around the lot, he sent me a text message. “Good Morning Baby.” We sent a bunch of messages back and forth, then I had to head up to College Park to go to IKEA. I asked him if he needed anything because it is like 105 out there today. So he calls me and says, “Will you come by and say hi?” So I did. And this guy who was actually in my class was there practicing and he’s like, “What are you doing here?” I’m not that slick, as well all know, and not quick on my feet. So I made some stuff up about having a question. MotorcycleInstructor came down to say hi and sat in the car with me for a few minutes. You know, he left all those people up there to ride around on their own. It’s gotta make you think about just how into me he is.

Anyway, we’ve had a few conversations today and will probably see each other tonight. I want Sara to meet him. He is wonderful. I don’t know why I’m playing such games with him. Of course I won’t disappoint you all and put another halt to the dating life, but, I don’t want to mess this up either. It will be a delicate, tricky balance.

Eating dinner with BestGuyFriend-M. Hopefully something Indian. I’m craving curry.

It is so freaking hot outside that I’ve been dizzy and faint for two days.

Today MotorcycleInstructor and I spent the day trading phone calls and text messages. Then tonight I sent him a text message asking for his email because I wanted to forward something from Harley to him. He wrote back, “No.” I wrote back, “Well fuck you then.” Then my phone started ringing and my text message inbox started beeping. He called me a couple times in a row, and left a voicemail. I checked the text first. It said that he was kidding. Then I listened to the voicemail and it was like, “Baby, I was only kidding. And you have my email on my card. But I’m sorry.”

Sorry? Holy crap. I’m really putting this poor guy through the ringer. Penny, in not so many words said that I’m treating him like I’ve been treated by other men. Perhaps she’s right. I need to stop with the games.

This morning MotorcycleInstructor called. He said, “Ok, I get it. You want me to lay off.” I was about to walk into a meeting so I really couldn’t get into it like I wanted. I like him, I just want him to slow the hell down a little. When Sammy (the love of my life) had a rash the other day, he was insistent that it was a hotspot. But I took him to the vet anyway. MotorcycleInstructor called later and asked and when I said “You were right, it was just a hotspot” he said, “Baby, I don’t know why you can’t just let me take care of you.” Um. What? I said, “I’ve been alone for a long long time.”

R and I went to see a movie tonight at the Independent film theatre on 11th and E. We saw the Grizzly Man movie. It was hilarious. Yes, I know that stupid son of a bitch gets eaten by a bear, but he is just so wacky that it makes it totally worth watching. And damn are the fox cute. I’m even more anti-fur now.

I dragged R to Mercury so he could meet the gang. Dana did an up and down and said, “No Way.” Boston sent me a text message that said he thought R was cute. Blondie did most of the talking with him but I don’t know what he thinks. Blondie likes everyone anyway. BestGuyFriend-M, when I called him, said, “I’m asleep now, let’s talk about it tomorrow.” Nice husband you are! My take is that I have no chemistry with him. Zero. Didn’t want him to touch me, put his arm around me, couldn’t even fake a kiss at the end. Two dates with no kiss. Think he gets it?

Now, what lesson have we learned here? Well, I’ll tell you because you probably don’t know. Pay attention. When you have a zit on your cheek that has a huge whitehead on it, you should pop it. Not me, by the way…him. I feel bad for even saying that, but then again, I shouldn’t have to say it at all. It’s just something you know – like, not leaving the bathroom with toilet paper hanging off your shoe.

Here’s my scorecard:

Motorcycle Instructor: Still in the running.
R: Probably not in the running any longer.
Guy from the hotel bar: Hasn’t called yet. I’m still hopeful.
HarleyRider from It’s Just Lunch: Hasn’t called either. Not that hopeful.
A new guy, Jeff, from match.com: Still in emailing frenzy. Looks good. Could replace R since I seem to have an opening…..

My prospects, while there are a bunch, are bleak. I need to get back online. I’m going to reactivate my profile on Yahoo and see what I can rustle up.

And by the way, both fake profiles have been deleted. I’m out of the game. There’s a great ending to the BoyFace story. Can you see it? No? Oh. How about now? Let’s face it, losing his profile and email was probably traumatic enough. So, who has the last laugh now?

Wow am I drunk. Sara and I went out for “one beer” tonight. We got in there and there was the hottest guy sitting there, and Sara (go girl!) just started talking to him. One drink turned into a huge night of festivities, and we had an awesome time. And I have that dude’s number, Thanks Sara!!! He said he’ll go pick up my Harley for me. Love it. Could I be throwing another one into the mix? This is hilarious. Oh, and R called me while I was there at the bar. I had no signal so I wasn’t able to talk. I’ll have to call him back tomorrow.

As my dating increases in speed and frequency, I have got to put a rest to this BoyFace thing. Here are the email exchanges that have occured with Jackie, who was thrown on the back burner since he used all his emotion to reply to Diane today. He finally answered her late this afternoon.

From Tuesday night:
Hi BoyFace,
I got your message but there wasn’t a profile attached to it. If I respond to that will you get the message? I don’t trust Yahoo anyway, I have tried to log in at times and it says my password is changed and I know I typed it right. Hopefully you can get your stuff back. And hopefully you didn’t lose out on too many lucky ladies who were waiting to hear from you! 🙂
Sure we can try to hang out again. I figured you weren’t that interested when I didn’t hear back from you but we can meet up for a beer if you still want.
JJ

Hi!
I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to write back sooner. This week has been crazy, between work and having the yahoo stuff deleted. I hope you’re having a better week than me, but I just saw what you wrote in your profile about things you’ve noticed in the personals. Has everything been going ok with the Yahoo thing? I’m really sorry that we missed eachother this weekend. I actually had to leave work early on Friday and missed your reply. Otherwise I would’ve loved to hang out on Saturday. 🙂 Did you try to call on Friday? I would still love to meet up sometime if you feel like it. Talk to you soon… BoyFace

Hi, So what happened with your email and all? I see that your profile isn’t back. Are you going to put it back up or not bother? I changed my profile to spell out things that annoy me, but it really hasn’t done a lot of good. Apparently these men are incapable of writing anything original to me. Don’t you hate that? I hate when someone can’t write something original, and it’s an email that they have sent to a bunch of other girls. But it is going well otherwise. I’ve met a lot of very nice people. Work has been crazy too. I had to sit in on a hearing this morning and the conversation got really heated and one of the attorneys threw a binder across a table and the rings in the binder opened when it was in flight and all the papers were strewn all over another attorney. They were not pleased. It got really ugly. I didn’t get a chance to call you because I left my cell phone on the metro and I haven’t done a thing yet about getting a new one. I need to wait until I get paid next week to get another. I’m helping my sister with her college tuition bill and it’s really sapped me of my extra income. Anyway, I could meet up on Saturday afternoon if you want. Or I could probably do Sunday early to mid afternoon as well. Let me know. Jackie J

Hi,
It looks like I lost everything in my profile so I decided not to bother with it any more. I think I can still use this email, but I think I’ll just set up a new one and let this go too. I’m sorry things with the other guys on Yahoo are bad. On your profile you said ‘Stalker’? I can see what you mean if someone keeps writing and they can’t take the hint, but how do you know that they are sending you the same thing that they send everyone else? I wouldn’t know if someone sent me the same email that she sends to a bunch of other guys. I guess sometimes when you talk to different people and everybody ends up asking the same questions, I can see how people repeat what we’ve probably already told other people. I try not to say the same things, but I probably have a few times, about where I’m from or what I do or what I like doing. I guess I’d rather repeat myself a little when I’m first getting to know someone than lie to them. That hearing sounds crazy. I’m glad you didn’t get hurt, and I’m surprised it didn’t get physical after the binder got thrown. Sorry you left your cell phone on the metro. Can people still get in touch with you? Have you tried calling it? Hope you’re having a good day. Talk to you soon. B

Hi,
I just got home from “one drink” with some friends. It’s now almost 1 a.m. So, either I worked late and still had that one drink, or I’ve been drinking all night. Wanna take a guess at that?

Stalker was a poor choice of words perhaps, but I have had a lot of guys send two and three messages. I really try to answer them all, but whatever my answer is (Dude! Raleigh is too far!) then they always have a comeback, it doesn’t get rid of them. So I stopped answering. And that made it worse, because a bunch of men keep writing. I have received over 300 emails and icebreakers since I signed up not even two weeks ago. I just can’t answer everyone.

And you would know if someone sent the same email to you that they sent to a bunch of people. It’s long and really detailed about them, and they try to put one or two sentences about you in there.

I turned the number on my cell off temporarily. We’ll see. I can’t get it back right now, the phones I like are like $200!! Holy hell!

The hearing was nuts. I couldn’t believe it was happening. I don’t think the attorney meant for that to happen, but he didn’t even try to say he was sorry! That made it worse. I was only part of the arbitration team, so I don’t know either parties, nor do they work at my firm.

I hope I make it to work tomorrow. Darn it.

JACKIE J

More quotes from Karma Chameleon. It’s a spot-on song for this occasion. (Love the Brits.)

Well, BoyFace wrote back to Diane. He’s ignoring Jackie though, and she sent a very sweet message to him that she would like to still meet up. Poor Jackie. Cast to the side because she’s no longer a challenge. Here’s his highly charged, emotional response to Diane:

On 08/10/2005 10:21 am EDT, BoyFace wrote:
D,I’m not sure who you are talking about (your friend “knows someone” that I’m using the same material on? what material?).
I never said that I didn’t see your message because someone hacked my profile. I said I had to leave work early on Friday. When you emailed back to me and said you wanted to meet on Saturday, I had already left. I didn’t see it until Monday.
And I didn’t have any other way to get in touch with you. That’s why I gave you my cell phone number. And if you had a bad instinct about me already, why did you want to meet me? It never seemed when we were talking that you had already decided that you didn’t trust me.
On Monday afternoon, Yahoo TOLD me that my profile, my email and all of my messages had been hacked into and deleted. Why would I make that up and then try to get back in touch with you? Because I’m a ‘liar or a loser’? And why do you think that ‘I would have to piss someone off to get hacked’? The people at Yahoo said it happens to users all of the time.
I’m really sorry that I missed your message on Friday and that you don’t trust me and think I’m a liar. I’m not sure what that is about or who these people are that claim to know me and have the same conversations. It’s too bad, because I would have really liked meeting you. BoyFace

So he’s taken a hit to his ego. Good. And Diane is out of the picture. But we still have little Jackie to torture him, send him all around town and be a thorn in his side.

Now, in MY news… MotorcycleInstructor has not stopped calling me. I’ve like, obtained an insta-boyfriend. How this happened I have no clue. There’s already talk (all on his part, mind you) of me and other guys and fishing around about it. When I think the calls are done, it’s like, “Call me when you are in bed.” It’s hard to go from being totally solitary and happy about that to having this instant relationship in my life. Trying to scale it back, but, Christ, there’s the phone. He’s calling now. Ok, so I’m talking and writing. Fab.

No call from HarleyRider and R (the one I’m not sure of) but I did get an email from someone on match today who I was writing to last week. So perhaps I’ve thrown another one in the mix – Brian. He’s really damn good looking. Gotta keep it rolling, I have a blog to write. “I’m a journalist now.”

Thanks Sara for making the connection that BoyFace is like a Chameleon – he changes his tune and his colors to match whatever the girl he’s talking to is saying so that she is blinded into thinking that they have a lot in common. It made us sing Karma Chameleon, and then read the lyrics, and there you have today’s title.

Now, a lot of you have been asking for the ability to make comments. I have turned the comment button on. Just sign them so we know who is writing what. And be nice (Holly!!)

On to my life.

Diane wrote back to BoyFace. This saga is officially history:

Sure. I believe you. Someone “hacked” into your profile and you never saw my message. If you are even telling the truth, which I doubt, then you must have really pissed someone off. Which tells me that my instincts are right, and something is not right with you.

For your information, I was telling a friend of mine on Friday about our possible date on Saturday. She’s pretty careful about these internet things and suggested I give her as much information as possible. Imagine my surprise when she said that another friend of hers is also conversing with you and apparently you use a lot of the same material. Funny that this would happen, but just in time for me. You saved me from wasting any more time with you, allowed me to continue on with other more promising prospects and placed yourself into the category where 95% of the online men belong: LOSERS & LIARS.

************************************************************************************
The little mofo won’t be able to figure out which of his many girls it is, and he certainly can’t start asking around because how the hell would he do that? “Uh, hello Amanda, do you have a friend that I’m also trying to use the same lines on?”

Now, Jackie has to come back with something and then it’s done. Promise. I still think Jackie should try to meet him out somewhere.

In other news…I woke up to a bunch of text messages from MotorcycleInstructor. They include “Can’t stop thinking about you this morning” and “I had a really good time last night and can’t wait to do it again.” How do I find these people that come on so strong? Then he called me and was like, “What are you doing?” I was home working, as usual. He said he was coming by and he did. We ate lunch downstairs in the Internet Cafe, then hung out upstairs, played kissy face for a little bit, then he left. At one point I said that we probably should have waited to get involved until after I was done with the class and the test. He just started laughing at me. No clue why. Sounds like a smart idea now, but I jump in with both feet first so what the hell do I know. At least the guard is still up. I’m not letting myself get swept away with any of this madness.

Here’s an interesting email that Diane received today:

On 08/08/2005 06:04 pm EDT, BoyFace wrote:
D,I know you’ll probably never forgive me, but I just saw your last message. I’m really sorry, and I’m thinking that I probably won’t get another chance. I had to leave work early on Friday and I never saw your message. If I had known, I would have been there early, two glasses of Merlot and the biggest smile on my face when you walked in. Then this afternoon, someone hacked my personals profile and erased it and all of the messages so I can only ask that if you still want to keep in touch, please email me at asshole@assholesandliars.com until I can get another address set up. Thanks D. Sorry again…BoyFace

And to Jackie:

On 08/08/2005 05:54 pm EDT, BoyFace wrote:
Hi. I’m sorry we didn’t get to meet up this weekend. I didn’t get your message until today. Someone hacked into my account and deleted my profile, my emails and all of the messages that you sent and I’ve been trying to recover what I could. I’m really not sure why, but when I called Yahoo they said that they could see that someone had deleted everything. I’d really like to keep in touch and try to hang out again. I think you can still send email to my email address at asshole@assholesandliars.com until I get a new one set up. Hope your day is going better than mine! BoyFace

Hmm. This is all so very interesting, don’t you think? Are you reading between the lines? Good.

Anyway, I’m still not sure how the “girls” are going to respond, but, I can’t deal with BoyFace and his petty dribble right now. I had a wonderful time with MotorcycleInstructor. Sparks, sparks, sparks. Kiss Kiss Kiss. Ha Ha Ha.

A fucking great day, other than the humidity.

I had left HarleyRider a message back last night and he called me this morning on his way to work. We talked for about 20 minutes. I like him a little more, it was more at ease and not forced. No one so far has the intelligence of the dude I was in love with. (damn him for popping up in my mind) or the Hungarian, but we can hope. At least HarleyRider is fucking hot.

The situation with Jackie, Diane and BoyFace ended. It’s a better story told in person and not in print. Unless of course you can read between the lines…in an upcoming email. Wink wink.

And finally, as I spent my entire afternoon laughing at the happiness of my day, this next event happens. Guess who just called and asked me out???? The instructor of my motorcycle class. Guess this one’s name is MotorcycleInstructor. Ka-Ching! Meeting him in Rockville for dinner at 8. This is so funny, I was telling Helen how hot he was and that I wanted to set her up with him, but now I think that’s done. He’s one of those cool, untouchable types. It’s like, he’s too cool for dating. I did scope out that he has no wedding band, but that’s about all I know. I’m a dating machine. I’m pretty excited about this one.

Today I went for more motorcycle practice. I really love it. Can’t wait to be out on the open road with just me and my fucked up thoughts. Yeah. Great.

Tonight I went out with R. He’s a very nice guy, but sometimes we had these awkward silences that make me nervous and we would be just looking at each other for a few seconds in all our awkwardness. While he trotted off to the bathroom at one point, I checked my phone to discover why I could hear the makings of a symphony going on inside my purse.

Well, HarleyRider, called. In all honesty, I was already ready to write him off. Come on, the good men never call. I’ve noticed that since my horror with BoyFace, I’m really guarded again. Normally a date as good as the one yesterday would have me walking on Cloud 9 – at least for 15 minutes. This weekend, I’ve barely given him a second thought. And if I hadn’t heard a peep from him, it wouldn’t have bothered me a bit. I’m turning back into a dating machine.

Ok, so R and I ate at Straits of Malaya (which was very good by the way) and then went to Larry’s Lounge for a beer and a few rounds on the Megatouch. Larry’s Lounge just might be my new neighborhood bar. Final Score: He’s extremely charming over email, a little dry in person. But we did the quickie kiss on the lips goodnight and said that we would see each other again. I said my usual, “I don’t call boys, so you’ll have to call me” and he said ok. I have to stop using that line. Twice in one weekend, that’s a little ridiculous.

I woke up this morning wishing for a bad date. Really. This blog has gotten tres boring, yawn yawn, and I was crossing my fingers for a good story because damn it, we need it. I won’t go so far as to say that I was praying because, ha ha, we all know how I feel about religion. Here’s the rundown.

The date (#6 of my 14 date obligation with “It’s Just Lunch”) was in Bethesda at 1 at Cafe Deluxe with HarleyRider. The hostess informs me that they don’t take reservations so it’s not like I can go sit at “the table” and wait for him to come to me or have him already be sitting there. I have to guess who he might be in the waiting area. And based on their track record, it could really be just about anybody – the guy with no front teeth, the midget, the conjoined twins (although they would probably count that as two dates,) the big fat guy wearing a nametag from his job at Midas. I see this guy at the bar. I’m thinking there is no way it can be the dude because he’s way hot. But at that moment he turns completely around and says my name. And I about died. Fucking finally. Slot machine sound byte please….ding ding ding ding ding.

I sit next to him at the bar and I see that he’s holding a Harley helmet. (Christ, it’s like I’ve now left the slots and just put all my money on the winning number at the roulette table.) He tells me he rode his Harley V-Rod here. (And now I just got 21 at the Blackjack table.) Of course I share my Harley story and all. We go sit down and order, have a fine lunch. Turns out that he also drives a speedracer, also has a Harley and also has a brother living in Michigan. He lives in Rockville and works downtown; I live downtown and work in Rockville. What the hell is going on right now?

After lunch we go out to the parking lot and he’s like, “Want to see the bike?” So I say ok, of course, and we go over there. We’re discussing accessories and all that fun stuff, then the rest of the conversation goes like this:

Him: “So are we going to sit here making more small talk or are you going to give me your number?”
Me: “Uh, I’m going to give you my number.” (Like how I stutter? I’m really not slick.)
(we each take out our phones…)
Him: “Ok, shoot.”
(At this point we each exchange numbers and program them in our phones.)
Him: “Ok, so call me if you want to do something sometime.”
Me: “No.”
Him: “No?”
Me: “I don’t call boys. If you want to see me, you have to call me.”
Him: “Can I see your phone for a second?”
I give him my phone. Is he about to erase his number?
Him: “Here, I’m calling myself, it’s about to beep, say hi.” He hands me the phone.
Me: “Hi, I’m standing here with you in the parking garage, so, hi.”
Him: “There we go, now I’ll have to call you back and you won’t have to be the one who called first.”

Is that charming? I think it’s quirky enough to be classified as charming.

Tomorrow I will be meeting R at 7 for dinner. Maybe that can be my trainwreck. Or maybe I’m supposed to be hoping for the best so that the dates turn out horrible. I guess hoping for the worst this morning really slapped me in the face didn’t it. With my damn luck I’ll be hoping for things to go so wrong and I’ll end up married by next Friday. Awww, fuck it. Maybe I should just stop hoping whatsoever.

It’s on! It’s on! It’s on! Well, I think it’s on.

Here’s what’s going on with Diane and BoyFace since he didn’t respond yesterday about the date:

On 08/05/2005 01:15 pm EDT, BoyFace wrote:
D,I just got your message! I am so sorry. 🙁 I didn’t get a chance to get back on Yahoo the rest of the day and I was here at work until almost 7pm. D, can you forgive me? I think your idea for last night was the coolest thing I would have done in a long time. I love spontaneity. I just wish I had seen it. I hope you weren’t waiting for me. Let me make it up to you…B

On 08/05/2005 02:20 pm EDT:
Fine. Make it up to me. Daily Grill tomorrow at 8. Reservation in both our names. Same story, if you get there first they will seat you. If I get there first, then I get to sit first, and pick the seat where I can get the best view of you walking in. This time you have to be there! Can’t wait.

Diane

He didn’t confirm before he left work so I’m not sure what it means. But, Diane is D O N E. I doubt he’ll show since he probably didn’t see the email which is a bummer because I had a special treat for all of you sticking with me on this. Sara was going to go to the Daily Grill with my camera phone and try to take a picture of him waiting there by himself. I would have posted it on the blog. Guess it’s not meant to be.

Now, on to Jackie:

On 08/05/2005 01:25 pm EDT, BoyFace wrote:
Hi!How is your morning going?I’m glad you guys got your AC fixed. 🙂 Do you leave it on for Pussy during the day or is it cool enough by the time you leave in the morning? I would love to meet up this weekend! I have a very good feeling about you too. 🙂 Lunch sounds good – maybe Saturday or Sunday?. I’m not sure what’s going on this weekend, but I definitely want to hang out and C Park would be great. :)Can I give you a call or would you rather call me?Either way is fine. My cell is ASS-HOLE. …..B

On 08/05/2005 04:10 pm EDT:
Hi,

Tomorrow is better for me than Sunday. I will give you a call later on, but want to plan on meeting tomorrow at 1 at Chipotle on Connecticut Avenue. I love that place. Do you like Mexican? If not, there are a ton of places we can go that are right in that neighborhood. Then we can go from there to see your backyard that is so special. If that works, let me know and I’ll plan on seeing you tomorrow, but will call you in a bit.

************************************************************************************
I called Crystal in sheer excitement over this message and the potential for this mofo to get stood up twice in one day. Crystal said, “Do you have a friend who can call him?” I said, “Yeah! You!” So she took down the number and she will be calling as JACKIE later on today to set it up. She also has a block on her number so it will come up as “Restricted.” Go Jackie, uh, I mean, Crystal! At least this one can be recovered with a phone call.

In Other News:
In addition to my “It’s Just Lunch” lunch date tomorrow, I’m having dinner with some guy named R (can’t do the real name on this one) on Sunday and I’m working on a third who is so hot I can’t contain myself. I’ll let you know how it all works out. Love match.com and yahoo personals. They are fueling me with resources for the blog. Here’s to hoping it all goes to hell this weekend! It’s sad that I love it! I don’t even want to have a good date. I’m so used to the bad ones. It’s like, If you can’t beat ’em, date ’em.

It’s getting old fast. Really old. I’m doing my best to wrap this up as quickly as possible as I don’t want to write much more of this nonsense after tomorrow. Here’s the conversation with the newest of the two girls, “Jackie.”

On 08/04/2005 01:13 pm EDT, BoyFace wrote:
Hi!How is your day going?I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to write more yesterday. Work was really busy. I missed talking to you.Did you and ‘Pussy’ make it through the night? Did you end up staying in a hotel? Is that really her name? (That is really cute) :)To answer your questions…I’m still new to Yahoo, but I think it’s been pretty good so far. I have gotten a few messages that I didn’t respond to because they were kind of scary, but sometimes I meet people that I really like talking to and would like to know better. :)I don’t have any horror stories though. How about you? Have you had any bad experiences? How long have you been doing this? The places on Wisconsin and in C Park are places that you’ve probably driven past a million times (But if we ever hang out I promise to show you). I like that there are little spots that no one notices. And I love that DC has so many different neighborhoods with lives of their own. I’m not sure I’m a sports ‘fanatic’, but I love watching football in the Fall. I am a Huge NY JETS fan. I also love watching Syracuse basketball (Go Orange) and I love going up to Camden Yards to watch the O’s or even RFK to watch the Nats. Nosebleed seats, good friends (or someone special) and a cold beer on a Saturday afternoon and then maybe a night on the town afterwards, or back home to make dinner would be great (I love to cook).When I’m not working, I box at a gym downtown and I run when I get home at night. I’m not sure if that counts as playing sports though. Do you play any sports? BoyFace

On 08/04/2005 03:02 pm EDT:
Hey!

Yes, Pussy is her real name. It was a toss up between Pussy and Cat. No, we stayed in and had it fixed so now we are very comfortable.

What do you think of this… I have a good feeling about you and I’m thinking that we should meet. Would you be up for lunch this weekend? I could meet you at that place in C Park. I know it’s kind of quick, but I’d really like to meet you.

Jackie

And now, on to Diane:

On 08/04/2005 03:37 pm EDT, BoyFace wrote:
Hi!How is your day going? I’m sorry I haven’t been able to write. Work has been pretty busy. I would love to see you this weekend…maybe then you can get that kiss. and no, I’m not one of those guys that, ‘doesn’t give a good weekend night out to a new girl’ 🙂 BoyFace

On 08/04/2005 04:04 pm EDT:
Hey! You know what? I’ve decided we are meeting for dinner tonight. I’ve taken it upon myself to make a reservation for 8:00 at the Daily Grill on 18th and M St. The reservation is under both our names. If you arrive first, go ahead and have a seat at the table and please order me a glass of merlot. If I get there first, what would you like to drink? I’m very excited to meet you. Don’t say no.

*******************************

For those of you wondering, I really did make reservations at the Daily Grill for BoyFace and Diane. When they asked me for a phone number I went through the, “Well I can’t be reached because I don’t have a cell.” She said they can’t take reservations without a phone number so I gave her a fake one. Then, the whole reservation got erased and she had to start over and said, “That’s ok, I’ll just put 411 in for the phone number.” Fine by me. But I ended up canceling the reservation by 7 p.m. when he didn’t answer the email.

In other news, the fuckers at “It’s Just Lunch” called and they have set up a date for Saturday afternoon. They swear this one is a hot metrosexual. Date #6. Well, at least it will give me something to write about. Isn’t it sad that I’m actually hoping it goes horribly wrong so I can write about it? Also, I got hit on at the dog park. That makes twice at the dog park now. I told him I was dating someone though, I wasn’t too interested. It’s funny to see how guys move in for the kill when they want to. Like vultures. I’m still scarred from the last one though – the guy with the shemale girlfriend who I keep bumping into around town. No more picking up men at the dog park for me. I went to the Harley Dealer today to finalize my purchase and get a helmet. My helmet is so freaking cool, I’m still so proud of myself for having this idea. Gonna get out there and meet my ass a biker dude. Old habits die hard. I’ve tried the D.C. preppy guy, now, back to what I know best.

I think he’s on to us, er, me. He only wrote to Diane once. Here’s his response to her email last night and after is what she wrote back.

On 08/03/2005 02:34 pm EDT, BoyFace wrote:
Hi!Thanks for the kiss…and yes, I do want another one, but I think it’s my turn…How was your seminar?I don’t have any plans this week/weekend. Friday I might hang out after work with a couple friends of mine.I think you’re right…we should try to meet up. 🙂 B

On 08/03/2005 03:25 pm EDT, you wrote:
Seminar was awfully boring. I’ve done nothing today to compensate, however.

When do you want to try to meet up? Saturday night? Or are you one of those guys who doesn’t give a good weekend night out to a new girl?

Waiting for my kiss,
D

And here’s what’s gone on with Jackie:
On 08/03/2005 02:46 pm EDT, BoyFace wrote:
Hi! How is your day going? Sorry. We don’t have to exchange email addresses. I was getting tired of the word verification thing everytime I wrote something, and then I had to go offline. But we can still talk this way. No problem. BoyFace

On 08/03/2005 03:45 pm EDT, you wrote:
Hey!

My day is getting better and better. I’m happy we are having a sun-shiney day and I went home for lunch to check on my cat, Pussy (that’s her name), and she is faring well with the heat since my AC isn’t working up to par. It’s making my nights a bit restless and am seriously considering taking Pussy and checking into a hotel tonight.

I couldn’t help but notice you chose not to answer any of my questions, it’s all good. Like I said in my profile I’m a sports fanatic… do you play any sports and which are your favorite to watch and favorite teams?

I love watching football, basketball, and hockey but I have to be in the mood for hockey. I absolutely love the Green Bay Packers!

************************************************************************************

This is getting tres boring. I think I fell into a coma while these boring emails were going on. I won’t subject you to anymore of this nonsense. I will get this wrapped up shortly. I’ve really let my fans down, haven’t I? I am SO BORED with BoyFace and these antics. It’s time for new men and new dirt to be introduced in this blog.

The only funny part of this is that the personals inboxes are being accessed and read by Sara, Crystal and myself. So I’ll be out driving around and I’ll get a call from one of them saying, “He wrote back!” The funniest part is that Crystal is writing back to some of the guys and saying the most obscene things. One guy, whose title was “Let’s Explore D.C.” and had a picture of his tongue sticking out, wrote to one of the fake girls. Crystal wrote back saying “Forget exploring D.C., with that tongue why don’t you explore me?”

Crystal and I had a discussion tonight about all this relationship stuff. I told her that I’m one of those people who never really knows when a relationship is over. I have never really broken up with anybody in my life and the ones I have broken up with, like AtlantaBoy, happened so far after the point where they should have. Perhaps I’m really just not good at this relationship stuff all around. Is there a degree or course I can take? Anyone?

Well, things are moving along very nicely. Diane didn’t call BoyFace over the weekend so the sap that he is wrote her another email on Monday afternoon, only after he had logged in a bunch of times to check his emails. As always, he’s in bold.

On 08/01/2005 03:27 pm EDT, BoyFace wrote:
Hi.How is your Monday going? Did you have a good weekend? BoyFace

And she wrote back today the following today finally:
On 08/02/2005 01:46 pm EDT:
Hi!
Sorry, I had a crazy weekend that just got away from me and I’ve been in this seminar for work yesterday and today. I just got a break for lunch and decided to check my mail, finally.

What did you do this weekend? Hopefully you didn’t wait for me….

D

On 08/02/2005 05:36 pm EDT, BoyFace wrote:
Hi,Sounds like your weekend was good!I actually got to see an old friend of mine from the Army. He was in town and we caught up on old times. Work has been busy since yesterday. Hope you’re having a good time at your seminar.Was that a kiss for me?

On 08/02/2005 09:35 pm:
Why yes! That was a kiss for you. Did you enjoy it? Do you want another?

Seminar is over, thank goodness. Tomorrow I’m going to have an easy day, so I’ll be able to email again.

What kind of plans do you have for this week and the weekend? I was wondering if we should try to meet up since this past weekend didn’t work. What do you think?

I can’t believe that I can’t get you off my mind.

Diane

So now I’m waiting until the fucker gets to work tomorrow to respond. Time to reel him in.

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In New and Related Developments:
Jackie has just started writing him too. She is cuter than Diane. This is so great. She lured him in with a canned phrase. And the interesting thing to note is that Diane wrote back to him at 1:30 p.m. today, Tuesday. But around 2:30 p.m., new girl Jackie sent the canned phrase. BoyFace wrote back to her a couple times, but just responded to respond to Diane at 5:30. Is he mad that she’s not as responsive as she was on Friday? Did he make her wait it out until he was about to leave for the day? Wow.

Now here’s Jackie’s conversation so far – again he’s in bold:

On 08/02/2005 02:34 pm EDT:
Wow! You’re cute!

On 08/02/2005 02:46 pm EDT, BoyFace wrote:
Hi!Thanks. You’re very cute too…and I don’t think lawyers are boring. I think it makes you even more attractive. I like what you wrote in your description. Hope I hear from you soon. BoyFace

On 08/02/2005 04:48 pm EDT, you wrote:
Hi BoyFace,

I don’t like those phrases that Yahoo has but I didn’t know if you would write back so I took the easy way out. I’m glad you did.

I just said that about lawyers because most people think they are boring. Other than the fact that I work from 7-7 most days, I do like to go out a lot. Guess you can tell from the pictures?

So what do you do? Because I know you’re not a lawyer. (That’s a line from Pretty Woman..an inside joke with myself!)

Jackie

On 08/02/2005 05:17 pm EDT, BoyFace wrote:
Hi Jackie,Did you just pick that Yahoo phrase to get my attention? :)I would have used the same one if I had seen you first. You’re right, I’m not a lawyer. I’m still laughing because I remember that scene. I live in Foggy Bottom and I work downtown. I moved to DC after college and the Army. I traveled a lot between the two and I’ve lived all over, but I think I really like DC because there are so many hidden places that I keep finding in the city (I still get lost and I’ve been here about four years).How long have you been here? And where do go out after 7-7?

On 08/02/2005 05:37 pm EDT:
I admit it. I did pick that phrase to get your attention. Actually, I was torn between a few of them, they all sound so dumb. Sorry. I’ll never do it again! 🙂

Where were you living before D.C.?

I live in Adams Morgan. I go out in Adams Morgan / Dupont. I don’t really ever have to leave that area until I go to work which is downtown on K street – where all the lawyers are! Sometimes we go out after work downtown, but usually I just want to get home.

What made you go into the Army?

What made you do Yahoo?

On 08/02/2005 06:18 pm EDT, BoyFace wrote:
Before DC, I was living outside Seoul, South Korea (I was still in the Army). I had lived here in DC during an internship in college and I think I kind of fell in love with it, so I promised myself I’d come back and live here someday. After school, I traveled and lived all over the states, then parts of Europe and down in Central America. In the Army I was stationed in Savannah, Georgia and I almost went back when I got out, but something about DC brought me back here.I know what you mean about never having to leave your neighborhood. I usually end up hanging out in Foggy Bottom, but I really like exploring the city too (I still get lost and I’ve been here four years). There’s a secret garden off Wisconsin that has an amazing view and it’s not of the city, and there’s a little place in my old neighborhood (Cleveland Park) where you can get a beer and sit outside, except it’s like you’re borrowing someone’s backyard, because no one knows that it’s there. I’m still new to Yahoo. I’ve only been doing this for a couple of weeks. I think it’s a little easier for people to let their guard down and be more open with each other. I wrote in my profile that I go out with friends and we always hear the girls standing next to us saying something about how there are no good guys in the city, and I’d always have to laugh, because if I make eye contact or say Hi, they look away or get very shy and don’t say anything. I don’t think anyone has ever come up to me while I’m out and said, “Wow, you’re really cute!” :)If you feel like emailing, mine is Asswipe@assholesandliars.com BoyFace

On 08/02/2005 10:01 pm EDT:
BoyFace –
What place are you talking about on Wisconsin and where is the place in C. Park?

You have traveled a lot. You are lucky. I haven’t and now I can’t because I am so busy with work.

You think people are more open online? I would guess it is the opposite. Or they are just big liars. Have you had a good experience so far? Any horror stories? All my friends tell are horror stories.

Email addresses already? I used my work email and I probably shouldn’t give that out. Now that I think of it, I shouldn’t have even used it for this. Are you planning to go off line or do you hate logging in to the personals?

Jackie

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Checkmate. Now we’re waiting for his answers to both girls which will come in the morning. Jackie, Diane and their fans (that would be you guys) will have to wait. Note how Diane has been pushed to the side. He spent the afternoon writing to Jackie and didn’t answer Diane until just now.

Now, in all seriousness, I know that this has gone way too far. But it makes me realize that I was falling for a fake man who doesn’t exist. He’s like a moth to a flame – he goes where ever the next great thing is going to be. You can never hold on to a man who permanently thinks the grass is greener on the other side. If anyone cares, I’m really learning a lot here about men. (Where the hell was this internet thing 10 years ago?) I’m so intrigued that BoyFace didn’t reply right away to Diane, yet, when Jackie comes out of the box, he’s writing right back to her.

My neighbor said that I’m committing social masochism and she’s going to make me stop soon. Sara said that I need to get some therapy. This will all be wrapped up by this weekend, I promise. Then without any men to torture and exact revenge on, I’ll be at a loss for what to write in the blog. Well, who am I kidding, I’m sure something else will happen.

And for the record, let me please re-explain the tattoo on my back. It is the Greek Goddess “Ate” who was immortal but pissed off her parents and they threw her off Mount Olympus thereby making her a mortal. When she died, she spent her afterlife haunting the men who wronged her when she was alive. Does ANYONE see any parallels here? It’s not like I just got a tattoo for the hell of it. It actually means something, ok?

I told my mom about BoyFace tonight and all the goings on of the week. She said, “Have Diane set up a date with him at a restaurant you can see from your apartment. Then you can watch the whole thing.” What the hell, mom? Who would have thought she would be the most vindictive and evil of anyone? The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree does it.

I think this is by far one of the best suggestions.

Sigh, I’m really spending way too much time on this little pecker. Christ, I didn’t even mention that Sara and I smoked some pot the other night (that makes twice in one year for me) and did a “drive by” but we were so stoned that we couldn’t find our way out of the alley. It was one of those “you had to be there” events, but we get back behind his building, hoping to see what, I have no clue, but we kept driving back and forth and we couldn’t get out. We were like rats in a maze. So she’s backing up right underneath his living room window and she hits a curb. And all I can think is that we are going to be stuck on this curb and the tow truck is going to have to come and BoyFace is going to see all of this from his window. Then I’ll always be the crazy girl he met on the internet who stalked him, crashed under his window and was towed away and probably arrested. I don’t want to be his good story – I want him to be my good story.

Sammy (the love of my life) has taken to staring at weird things. I caught him staring at the wall the other day, and then he was staring at himself in the mirror and I said, “Little guy, are you ok?” He turned around, looked at me, realized I didn’t want anything particular, then was like, “Ok, back to looking.” And he turned around to stare at himself in the mirror. Am I not paying enough attention to him?